Reordering My Days

I learned early the best way to survive was to fly under my mother’s radar. Do what I was told, when I was told, exactly as I was told. Her way was/is the only right way. No exceptions. I was an “easy” child. I was a good student, earning good grades and comments from teachers.…

Read More

The Mystery of Desire

Why do we go back for our small selves? It is enough, is it not, to survive into adulthood? To go back means the risk of awakening desire. And desire is a powerfully dangerous thing. To desire is to be alive.  I read a story over Christmas break, a novel written by a private investigator.…

Read More

Unravelled

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go “O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee. I give Thee back the life I owe, That in Thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be.” Text: George Matheson Music: Albert L. Peace Jesus and I broke up.  We’d…

Read More

Travel Mugs and Sacred Play

My first stop after checking in at the ticket counter was Starbucks. I stared at the travel mugs, not particularly thrilled with what I saw. Option 1: Plastic insulated tumbler in traditional holiday red and white. Initially, this cup grabbed my attention with its sparkling red letters and crisp white background. “Let’s Merry”. A closer…

Read More

Words Rise Up

There are words deep within me that have refused to surface. They hide, playing, in a place far inside my being, and I like keeping them there. I don’t want to hear these words, in fact, I have spent a lifetime contributing to the silencing and burial of them so they would not reach my…

Read More

Erasing Shame

Dusk settled onto Santa Monica’s streets as I hung up the phone. Everything inside me cringed as blood rushed to my face, tears welling up in my eyes. I tucked my phone into my pocket and briskly walked, pretending to go somewhere. Confusion stammered each thought as the dark smog of shame hedged over my…

Read More

A Voice at the Table

“Seven women met and attempted to solicit sexual services to an undercover police officer, and all were arrested on charges alleging misdemeanor solicitation.” My throat tightens, and I try to swallow. “It’s our goal to make it harder for these traffickers to operate in Northern Colorado. We want to help victims.” My heart thumps in…

Read More

Shining A Light Into the New Year

It is the week when at some level the light of Christ’s birth shines brightly in the dark corners we tend to avoid and compels us to look at them before the New Year begins. We consider how we have lived during the past year and what we hope will be different as the new…

Read More

Loving Her Well

“Do you love me?” say the blue grey eyes of my 12 week old daughter, Asha, as she stares at me. I respond, “We’ve been doing this for a while, haven’t we my love?”

Read More

Weird Company

There is the question of bearing witness, of being yourself seen by yourself, & seen clearly, cleanly, without weapon or bible in hand; as this was the wish, the sturdy & not-so-secret wish of those who named us— –David Rivard This past summer, I found myself in a church meeting surrounded by eight other congregants,…

Read More