The Walk-Up Song

Recently my friend Addie started her sophomore year of high school. On her first day a teacher asked the students to gather in small groups and introduce themselves by sharing their walk-up song with each other. When her mom told me this, I was walking at the park, and I wondered, “What is my walk-up…

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Complicated Space

As the “local daughter,” once Mom’s diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer was confirmed, I toggled between showing up and removing myself from the space as much as possible so that her other children could get what they wanted and needed from her dying process. Out-of-town siblings and their families visited often. Mom’s sisters and brother…

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Momma Bauman

My mother-in-law’s phone call appears on my screen on average five times a day. Ever since we moved her to a memory care facility, she has called begging to be transferred back to her home. My heart breaks to know that her progressing dementia will never allow her to live in her own home again.…

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For Those Whose Suffering Is Hidden

Recently, we attended parties celebrating milestones achieved by dear friends. One will attend Christian college after graduating high school; one begins a first job after competing as a student-athlete for another Christian school. Posted on our refrigerator, the invitations were reminders—not just of party dates, but also of pain we are navigating as parents.  …

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Trampoline

The day we decided to surprise our three boys with a trampoline, we stayed up late putting it together on the back patio after they were in bed, with me on constant lookout, sneaking into the hallway to listen for any signs that we might be discovered. There was so much joy and anticipation that…

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Lengthening

For many years my value and self-worth felt inextricably tied to others. I felt this inner need, this constant pull, to do and help and support and to prove, constantly prove, that I was good, and of service, and selfless; that I was not needy, but needed. I learned the art of bending and contorting…

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Making Meaning

I lean against the wall of the standing-room-only church, immediately regretting my choice of heels. A funeral is always hard, and one honoring a mom in her 40s with young kids especially so. Fans twirl slowly from the ceiling of this small town church. I hold the program and fan myself as vigorously and quietly…

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Whispers of Light

Hushed words seize power,  Veiled whispers shatter safety, The desire to wilt. Yet, strength blooms in twilight’s veil,  Anchored in embracing Light. Heather Medley is a woman who is learning to be present and kind to herself and to the people she loves. She is drawn to engage her world with hope of restoration and…

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Saying Thank You

I was 26 when my then fiancé called off our wedding five days prior to the big day. In the immediate aftermath, my thoughts were a numbed haze, disbelief serving as a kind of thick bubble wrap that initially insulated me from the pain I would befriend in coming months.

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The Spaces Inside

There are facets of my being that love to stretch out and take up space. It feels real and raw. It feels free—I can be me. For most of my life, the bliss of this hasn’t lasted very long. Oftentimes, opportunities to stretch out to my full stature provoke internal conflict in the depth of…

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