Survivor of Great Storms

Jesus, Savior, pilot me, Over life’s tempestuous sea; Unknown waves before me roll, Hiding rock and treacherous shoal. Chart and compass come from Thee; Jesus, Savior, pilot me. (Edward Hopper, 1871) One of the things my mother inherited from her parents was a metal, three-dimensional plaque of Jesus walking on storm-tossed waves. It is about…

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Broken Identity

I grew up never liking my name. It wasn’t that my name was anything unusual or difficult to pronounce. I was just never fond of it. I remember sitting in school as my teachers would “call roll” imagining that my name would have been one of my fellow classmates. When you have a three syllable…

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Glory and The Dirt Underneath My Fingernail 

I hear the pattering of feet and my seven-year-old son bursts through the bedroom door. I squirm, anticipating the end of my slumber.  Every morning, shortly after I hit my alarm at 5 a.m., he opens the door, declaring, “Mom, are you still here?”  I roll over. The door is shut. Luis is on his…

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Reordering My Days

I learned early the best way to survive was to fly under my mother’s radar. Do what I was told, when I was told, exactly as I was told. Her way was/is the only right way. No exceptions. I was an “easy” child. I was a good student, earning good grades and comments from teachers.…

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The Mystery of Desire

Why do we go back for our small selves? It is enough, is it not, to survive into adulthood? To go back means the risk of awakening desire. And desire is a powerfully dangerous thing. To desire is to be alive.  I read a story over Christmas break, a novel written by a private investigator.…

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Unravelled

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go “O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee. I give Thee back the life I owe, That in Thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be.” Text: George Matheson Music: Albert L. Peace Jesus and I broke up.  We’d…

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Travel Mugs and Sacred Play

My first stop after checking in at the ticket counter was Starbucks. I stared at the travel mugs, not particularly thrilled with what I saw. Option 1: Plastic insulated tumbler in traditional holiday red and white. Initially, this cup grabbed my attention with its sparkling red letters and crisp white background. “Let’s Merry”. A closer…

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Words Rise Up

There are words deep within me that have refused to surface. They hide, playing, in a place far inside my being, and I like keeping them there. I don’t want to hear these words, in fact, I have spent a lifetime contributing to the silencing and burial of them so they would not reach my…

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Erasing Shame

Dusk settled onto Santa Monica’s streets as I hung up the phone. Everything inside me cringed as blood rushed to my face, tears welling up in my eyes. I tucked my phone into my pocket and briskly walked, pretending to go somewhere. Confusion stammered each thought as the dark smog of shame hedged over my…

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A Voice at the Table

“Seven women met and attempted to solicit sexual services to an undercover police officer, and all were arrested on charges alleging misdemeanor solicitation.” My throat tightens, and I try to swallow. “It’s our goal to make it harder for these traffickers to operate in Northern Colorado. We want to help victims.” My heart thumps in…

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