Wandering through Wonderland

Time. The word ticks and tocks loudly in my mind as I look back on my 32 years. I can see the chances I wasted from fear-based reasoning and opportunities never given despite my best intentions. I mourn the talents that never blossomed into full potential and the dreams I squashed because of other’s preconceived…

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The Civil Wars

We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory. –Louise Glück   A few months ago, my husband and I lay under our down comforter, which felt far too heavy for a mild Florida winter. I felt empty and bored after a long day with the kids, so I roused an argument…

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Life by Numbers

The kitchen clock breaks the silence of the early morning as I wait for the Keurig drip to complete its work, reminding me that the demands of the day have begun. Coffee and quiet reflection, reading, solace and contemplation must fit neatly into increments metered out by the demands of the day. Numbers soldier their…

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It’s That Time

The day I got my first period holds the distinction of being one of my most humiliating memories. I was totally unprepared and felt terrified that the presence of blood signaled my impending death. Looking back, my lack of awareness is hard to fathom. I was the third of four girls in my family, so…

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Sweet & Sour

As a new mom, I’m often asked what surprises me most about motherhood. My answer varies depending on how grounded or rested I’m feeling in the moment. I’m surprised I’m here and wearing pants! is a less grounded example, but the response almost always has something to do with time.

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Time to Dare

My husband held me back with a force he used as a defensive lineman in high school.  His face was intense and I didn’t care.  Our next-door neighbor was screaming at me and his words lit me up like a prairie fire.  As quiet and kind as I can be, this man evoked a rage in me that…

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A Glimpse of That Girl

I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Madeleine L’Engle This afternoon my family and I arrive at the beach for our twentieth annual trip with my parents. Soon after we unload the car and unpack our suitcases, we slip into our swimsuits…

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The Gospel According to Elena

Sweat dripped down my back as I tidied up and considered what on earth to do with my kids next. It was 4 p.m., smack dab in the middle of “mom hell”, and my daughter was sprawled across the futon, a pink iPad glowing the latest Sofia the First episode. This was her routine after being…

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Room to Recover

I wake today with painful awareness that I have holes scarring my abdomen where I did not have them previously. My very infected gallbladder was removed and I’m lying in a hospital bed hopped up on morphine with a drain in my side.

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My People

In 1998, we moved from San Antonio to Portland. Katy was heading into 3rd grade, Allison was starting kindergarten, and Steve was ready for pre-school. We experienced culture shock as we settled into our home in early September. The days quickly grew shorter and clouds and rain replaced sunny blue skies.

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