Making Room

My roommate Emily gets home from work earlier than I expect and knocks gently on my door asking, “Are you ok?”. “Don’t come in,” I try to sound as normal as possible, swallowing my tears before they escape me. I’m thrown off balance. I intended to get all my feelings out before she got home—to…

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Enough

I am laying on the couch under the warmest blanket in our house waiting for our children to wake up. I open the thermos filled with hot coffee my husband left for me on the table. Tendrils of steam rise to greet my chilled face and I deeply inhale the scent of french vanilla. Just…

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A Broken Hallelujah

This morning, I left church weeping.  At the close of a lovely Advent service, we sang the song, “Hallelujah.” I’m sure you’ve heard it. The lyrics, written by Leonard Cohen more than 20 years ago, have been sung by many. This morning, that song landed hard on a tender bruise.

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Creating An Ecosystem Of Love

When my three daughters were very young, all the back yards in our neighborhood abutted a retention pond. The pond was home to many ducks and slithery creatures as well as an occasional heron.  One morning, I let Muffy, our sweet cockapoo, out in the back yard to pee, and went to check on the…

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Grief Suspended

My husband and I watch a television show we’ve grown rather fond of called, The Good Doctor. In a recent episode, one of the young surgeons tragically loses her mom whom she’d just begun to get to know after years of separation. She immediately returns to work and gets on with her life without mourning…

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Grand Adventure

A crisp November day in Michigan.  Overcast but no snow on the ground. Dad in the driver’s seat and me in the passenger seat. Pulling out of the driveway and turning onto the dirt road. Heading off on an adventure in the red Ford pickup truck.  Just my dad and I.

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“My Fourth Child”

I have three young children, but more often than not, I feel like the mother of four. There are many times I’ve wondered what God was thinking, orchestrating circumstances so that the most intensive period of my recovery overlapped with having two small children under the age of four, then adding pregnancy and a third…

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Cracked

I think it probably started off broken.  I know it was over two days of a labor of love, constant pain and effort.  A little bit of drama and questioning of WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD.  Ending with a cry of relief and fear.  If I could time travel, I think that’s…

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A Different Kind of Life-giving

Our oldest son turned 26 this year. All day, as often happens on our kids’ birthdays, I found my mind returning to the day he was born. At two weeks overdue, I was SO ready for him to be born – though we didn’t know yet that he was even a “he.” We went to…

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Bethany’s Thanksgiving Playlist 2019

The grass is always greener.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. 

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