Growing into Myself

It was my first year in med school, a place where I was navigating community and finding friendships as an adult. I was fresh off a year serving overseas, a time of tight community, centered on walking with Jesus. Like being thrown into frigid waters, entering a new, intense season of schooling was jarring. I attended the Christian…

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A Mother’s Love

One day, when I was three or four years old, Mom and I went to visit Dad during his lunch break. As we sat with him on the steps outside, his colleague offered me a piece of cheese. I took the cheese, put it in my mouth, and told Mom that I had to go…

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The Courage of Mending 

I remember my grandma‘s white lace curtains hanging over the windows in her bedroom. I would stare at them with tear-stained eyes as I sat on her bed, telling her of my sorrows and loss. It didn’t matter if I was 8 or 38 years old; she would listen compassionately and then touch my shoulder…

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The Sacred Middle

I refuse to be an either/or. As a matter of fact, as I’m wrestling my own heart’s troubles in this, I’m actively resisting the lie of relief that somehow, if I choose, I will feel settled. I will feel peace. It won’t happen. I am sure of it. This week I had the privilege of hearing…

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For Charlotte

On a rainy mid-pandemic Sunday afternoon the call came. A mutual Virginia friend uttered the words, “I heard about Charlotte. I know you were dear friends. I’m so sorry.” A driver high on meth had crossed the double yellow lines, hitting her head-on as she drove into town to sing for a virtual church service.…

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Soaring

I’ve always struggled to connect with other women, especially groups of women. While I’ve usually had a “bestie” in whom I could confide, I always had the impression that many other women found me to be a little too much. Which is funny, because I am probably the most introverted person in my family.  Sometimes…

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All Parts Welcome

“I can see it’s difficult for you to take a deep breath,” said my massage therapist as I attune to the calming scent of the lavender essential oil diffusing from her office. I notice my shallow breathing and the tenuous task of attempting to breathe through my diaphragm. My nervous system stays on guard, scanning…

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Moving On While Standing Still

Everyone prepares you for the feelings that accompany your child’s first birthday, but no one prepares you for the emotional tidal wave that hits on their second. Or at least no one warned me. My daughter turned two on Friday, and amidst the celebrations and fanfare, I found myself in tears nearly every day leading…

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Where Would We Be?

While prepping ingredients for dinner on a Monday evening, I opened up a dialogue with one of my boys who was making his way through the kitchen. Holding the significance of the day, I asked if they did anything at school in honor of 9/11. His response, not really.  “Did you have a moment of…

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Strangely Golden Days

The beginning of Mom’s cancer journey turned my world upside down. The weekend after her abnormal scan brought all of the siblings together, several from out of town. Every weekend following felt like a holiday in those early days, when hopes were high that the right smoothie, sauna, or supplement would change the game and…

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