What Is Required with Goodbye?

I am familiar with goodbyes. I said goodbye to my innocence at 4-years-old. From ages 4 to 12, I buried my voice in an effort to extinguish the ongoing abuse and survive. By age 13 I had learned that my sadness engendered pity and my sexuality, attention. Male parents for whom I babysat groped for…

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Wild Love

“You’re too young to be married,” said Lottie to my husband after we returned from our honeymoon. Lottie, one of our clinical supervisors in our Master of Counseling program was speaking of his developmental age, not his biological age. “You are still a little boy looking for a mom,” she said.

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Further Up and Further In

In honor of the tenth anniversary of Red Tent Living, we are featuring a monthly legacy post written by one of our regular contributors from the past decade. Robyn Whitaker began writing regularly for Red Tent Living in 2014, and this post originally appeared in September 2014. My husband walked along the rocky shore line with…

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The Path of Peace

Our wedding anniversary came and went. Although my husband and I love each other very much, I felt empty, cold, and distant. We are attempting to conquer the dark places in our story, rewrite the narrative, and break out of past bondage; however, on our anniversary, I longed to barricade myself away from feeling or thinking.…

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Anniversaries Are Invitations

“Yes, Mrs. Bauman. Your husband called earlier and got you in with his appointment. We will see you in an hour.” My hand raises to my left cheek to comfort the ache as I smile, surprised I am not surprised by my husband’s provision for my tooth pain. Lately, I have been so frustrated with…

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It Never Came

You can’t say I didn’t try. I’m a fighter. I’m a good soldier. Everything in my life had prepared me for this. Growing up, fighting to shine bright enough to be seen by blind parents. Gritting my way through back pain and asthma as an athlete. Delivering four babies in four years, two of them…

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Forever Love

Forever love is a steady kind of change. That’s what I think as I peer over top of the forest in our backyard and see the sun rising in precisely the same way as a year ago—bright and joyous. Already, the leaves are bright shades of orange, cardinal, maroon, and goldenrod. With a series of…

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Revisiting

As she spoke of wedding plans, her eyebrows drew together, lines becoming visible on her young face. I watched the weight of exhaustion sweep over her, pulling her shoulders forward. She sighed. It is clear she is in love with her partner. He is absolutely smitten and she is equally adoring of him. I had…

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Love, Christmas, and a Pandemic

We rarely travel at Christmas time. The last time, in fact, was three years ago, pre-COVID. This year, our family of six will make two brief trips; one to spend time with family, and one to relax in the sun with dear friends. The pandemic took away our less-than-regular visits with family. We lost a…

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My Beloved

I met him on a “highly qualified” blind date. I was 22 years old and had heard his name hundreds of times. He was in town for a speaking engagement, and a mutual friend called me last minute to ask if I would go on the blind date. I nervously said yes. I spent the…

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