Imagine Being Enough

It has been three years since she left. The missing of her grows like sprawling crabgrass over my tender lawn. I long to hear her voice and see the sparkle of life in her brown eyes. Eyes that saw me. She would have delighted in the things that have happened since she’s been gone. I…

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What If I Don’t Understand

Growing up, our family of four did life with many other families of four. Each relationship held unique traits, and yet a few core identifiers overlapped. There was a dad, a mom, a daughter, and a son. One family in particular stood outside of the predictable family dynamic: they had a son with a genetic…

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Bewildered

It was the week of my 23rd birthday, and I was haggard with exhaustion after months of little sleep and relentless flashbacks. Just four months before, I had been violently awakened in the middle of the night when six men invaded my home and held my roommates and me at gunpoint. I had begged these…

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A Blank Slate

When he was a young child, my son’s body felt like an extension of mine. His nuzzling, nursing lips on my breast, his feel, his smell, his desires—all of it was an extension of me. Even now, as a teenager, his desires and motives are astonishingly transparent to me when I consider how hard it…

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The Courage of Not Knowing

“It’s not a mystery, it’s only been two days since I brought this here! Something was not fixed correctly,” my husband, Chris insisted. The young bike shop employee was not convincing in his assessment that sometimes tires “mysteriously go flat” on their own. Sensing Chris’ unlikeliness to back down, the employee investigated further, discovering another…

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How Could He Just Leave Us Like That?

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2 (NIV) Let’s imagine a few scenarios: Chrissy’s husband left her, with…

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Panic on a Plane

If there is anywhere on earth a lover of God who is always kept safe, I know nothing of it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown: that in falling and rising again we are always kept in that same precious love. — Julian of Norwich The whole world closes in…

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It Began With A Shooting Star

Encased in mummy bags borrowed from our host, we lay side-by-side beneath the stars. Nine teenagers, journeying across the U.S. to various Colorado camps, adventuring to the tutelage of a wanderlust trio: our chaperone and her twin girls. This trio enveloped us with their memories of this wild landscape, eager for us to experience epic…

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The Mystery I Live

Our scars travel with us through life. Not just our own scars, but scars of our friends and family become the fabric of who we are. I remember my first experience of losing a friend to death. A group of us had traveled by train to Fred Waring’s choral workshop in Pennsylvania. While there we…

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Unexpected Surrender

I grabbed my purse and keys and called out, “I’m going to run and grab the pizza, be back in fifteen minutes.” My son dropped his game controller and followed me towards the door, “Hey, I want to ride along Mom.” The next fifteen minutes included a conversation which altered the trajectory of our life…

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