Fraud

I think I’m a fraud. I did the correct things in the right order. I read the guidelines thrice. I edited my word count and submitted in the appropriate format. I slowly wound my way through the bureaucracy of writing, posting, submitting, designing. I built trust and loved on the few who were called to…

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The Strange Side of Compassion

“So, how did it actually feel to have dinner with a serial killer?” my colleague at the law firm asked. Shuffling depositions between color tabbed manila folders, I quickly changed the topic to billable hours for a client. I’d avoided this topic for so many years. Even when an author asked permission to use the…

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Shower Revelations

My hands pressed against the shower tiles while sobs erupted violently from my core. This is not what this was supposed to look like. Giving birth to a baby and increasing our family to four should feel marvelous and wonderful. I shouldn’t be hiding in the shower, cringing from everyone’s touch. The irony of this…

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Blameless

“Is everything okay?” my voice quivered as I watched the ultrasound tech repeatedly zoom-in and zoom-out, measuring and re-measuring my baby’s developing body. It was taking longer than normal. “The doctor will examine your results and come in to speak with you,” the tech replied.   Over an hour later, I sat on a metal…

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Ezers

I could not believe what I was hearing! The women I was talking with were telling me what many pastors in Eastern Europe teach from their pulpits.  They said, “It is not uncommon for Christian women to be subjected to domestic violence because of church teachings!” What? These were trusted friends who had traveled throughout Asia,…

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What Number Are You?

Growing up as the youngest of 11 children was a novelty.  In gatherings when we were introduced to our parents friends they would ask “what number are you?”  At first I was proud to tell them I was #11, the “caboose.”  The first and last seemed special, the beginning and the end.  All nine children…

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In Between The Milestones

It’s not often that as a year begins, I can already name the major milestones the coming months will hold. This spring, I will be moving so my landlords can sell their property. Not too long after that, I’ll transition from course work in my graduate degree to writing my graduate thesis. My boyfriend and…

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The Essentials

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work. – Mary Oliver A few evenings before Christmas I moseyed into my daughter’s bedroom where my husband had set up camp, ferociously wrapping the stocking stuffers he’d purchased from the dollar store. I’d finished most of my preparations for the holidays, and the kids were…

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The Mystery of Desire

Why do we go back for our small selves? It is enough, is it not, to survive into adulthood? To go back means the risk of awakening desire. And desire is a powerfully dangerous thing. To desire is to be alive.  I read a story over Christmas break, a novel written by a private investigator.…

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Snow Therapy

I rested on my nordic skis at the edge of the meadow. The sun was just up, the sky perfectly blue. The snow sparkled, the meadow before me was a sea of glitter. It beckoned, promising a glorious experience, yet I felt small and alone, and reluctant to start across, for some reason. I took…

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