If Faith Were a House

When I was 10, I went to my parents separately and asked them if they ever doubted God’s existence. “No, never” was the response. I don’t remember if there was much curiosity after that. If there was, the lack of shared questioning led me to shut down and sweep my doubt and unbelief quickly and…

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Cling to Hope

My heart felt heavy. My lungs felt empty. My mind couldn’t form a coherent thought. The loss was more than I had ever known. The hurt resonated deep within my soul. 

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Pandemic-Era Parenting

It was dinnertime on a Sunday, which means the countdown to bedtime had started a little early and was slightly more enthusiastic than normal. I had been craving cauliflower for a while, which isn’t something I’m particularly proud of, but here we were. My husband and two daughters looked on as I picked up the…

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Our Real Work

It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. –Wendell…

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Turning Away

I grew up in the paradox of an abusive Christian home. It’s a surprise, then, that my siblings and I each clung to Jesus in our own ways. We were desperate for stability and truth.  When I became a mother, I reinvented the parenting wheel. I prayed for inspiration, for wisdom, for the ability to…

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Having a choice

An older gentleman with a white beard and plaid button down shirt was standing at the entrance as I pulled into the parking lot that crisp January morning. He was yelling and waving pamphlets at me telling me to stop. As a young girl, I went with my Grandparents and held signs in protest while they screamed…

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I am a 5-star general.

I haven’t been deployed to another country for battle but have been in my own combat zone. I’ve had to run, hide and plan ingenious strategies to survive.  I was not trained for this war. I was thrust into it and like a savage I had to build my own artillery.

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Leaving

COVID-19 has revealed some things about myself. There are times I get this familiar panic feeling rising up in me—the same kind of feeling I’d get before my children were born. I was excited about a new baby coming, but also terrified that something might go wrong during the birthing process. The only words I…

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Stains on My Soul

Somewhere between Kobe, Covid and Killings, we lost our ability to play. Sitting outside of a makeshift emergency room, I asked God,” Is this what we have been reduced to?” Question after question, and no answer came.

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Birthing

My heart beat rapidly in my chest as I opened the email from our adoption coordinator. In just hours, I would be boarding a plane with my husband and two boys to fly to Haiti. The message included a picture of our daughter.  Baby Girl – Christine T. three months old, no birth weight, no…

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