Leaving

COVID-19 has revealed some things about myself. There are times I get this familiar panic feeling rising up in me—the same kind of feeling I’d get before my children were born. I was excited about a new baby coming, but also terrified that something might go wrong during the birthing process. The only words I…

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Stains on My Soul

Somewhere between Kobe, Covid and Killings, we lost our ability to play. Sitting outside of a makeshift emergency room, I asked God,” Is this what we have been reduced to?” Question after question, and no answer came.

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Birthing

My heart beat rapidly in my chest as I opened the email from our adoption coordinator. In just hours, I would be boarding a plane with my husband and two boys to fly to Haiti. The message included a picture of our daughter.  Baby Girl – Christine T. three months old, no birth weight, no…

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When Your Fear is What Heals You

When the world shut down and we all came home, I turned my red desk to face the window. It felt too vulnerable and a tad inappropriate to have so many eyes on my bed behind me. The door seemed an acceptable view for strangers on screens and so, the construction zone across the street…

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Expectant

I took four tests. Four. I couldn’t believe it. Yet, two weeks later I saw a tiny heartbeat, keeping rhythm with the blood already flowing through his or her teeny tiny blueberry-sized body. The sonographer printed out three pictures for me to take home. I tucked them away in my purse and pulled them back…

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You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

I have faced battles around and against me, but I daresay they feel puny compared to the global war raging inside of me. The battlefield of the mind, of my mind. Not fought on some far off foreign land, but a civil war, on home turf. 

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Designed to Touch

The pH (acidity) of our blood must be kept within a very narrow range (7.35-7.45) for life to remain viable. Anything outside of this causes our body stress and, sometimes, harm that isn’t reversible.   Panic attacks, diarrhea, dehydration, kidney malfunctions, and hundreds of other things can cause the body to become dysregulated. Our bodies are…

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The Quiet Hope of Quarantine

There’s something about the whole world choosing together to be alone. Like a kind of permission, or a moment of tag—“It” has finally caught up to you after you tried running so far and so long, and now, tired and exhausted, you have a chance to turn and accept what is, to become It, to…

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Building a New House

Sadly, the body of Christ has often failed to see trauma as a place of service…I think a look at suffering humanity would lead to the realization that trauma is perhaps the greatest mission field of the twenty-first century. (Diane Landberg, 2015, Suffering and the Heart of God, p. 8) Almost eleven years have passed…

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Grief Suspended

My husband and I watch a television show we’ve grown rather fond of called, The Good Doctor. In a recent episode, one of the young surgeons tragically loses her mom whom she’d just begun to get to know after years of separation. She immediately returns to work and gets on with her life without mourning…

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