For the Love of My Body

I am moving through the class movements when I hear our instructor Anna say to the yoga class, “Relax your shoulders and pull your tongue back from the roof of your mouth.” It takes a few seconds to register what she is saying, and then I notice my tongue is, in fact, stuck to the…

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One Letter at a Time

“Disconnected” is the word I would use to describe how I was feeling during 2020. As a grandmother of six grandchildren, I slowly began to realize that I was missing them. Connecting through social media felt too invasive, too quick, and too sterile, as my heart drifted away from them. I was experiencing the losses…

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Coming and Going

“You are one of the bravest people I know,” I squeaked, as tears filled my eyes. She kept my gaze as I spoke a blessing over her cross-country journey into the unknown. Without concrete work and with very temporary housing in place, she was moving back to L.A. after a long COVID relocation.  A bright…

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The Voice of God

Errreeeeooooo-errreeeeooooo-errreeeeoooooo-errreeeeooooo. I looked down after sitting attached to the human milking machine (if you know, you know) for 35 minutes only to see 1 ounce total compiled by my milk machines. After so much of my time and life connected to that damn pump, I was so over it. 

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The Vigil Holder

A few nights ago, my three-and-a-half year-old daughter, steeped in curiosity, approached me with yet another one of her earnest questions. “Mom,” she said, her big blue eyes looking up at me, “What’s a mother?” Familiar only with the more casual “Mom,” “Mama,” or “Mommy,” she had heard the word “mother” somewhere and found it…

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If It Makes You Happy

A 5:30 a.m. alarm abruptly disrupts my sleep. Startled by the familiar song, I roll over to stop the annoyance. Picking up my phone to turn off my weekday alarm, I orient myself to the day and the time. My morning motivation has disappeared, and I lie in bed for as long as I can.…

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Growing in the Gray

The wilderness. That is where it feels like I am, especially lately. The wife of a dear friend I have known for 20 years passed away this week. She was in her late 30s. They have an 8-week-old daughter, their first and now only. Cancer took her within a month of her diagnosis. Two of…

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If Wild Is Free

I have a black-and-white photo of my grandmother from the 1940s that I treasure. She’s dressed in pants and a flannel, kneeling in the grasses of an Oklahoma prairie, focused on something ahead. Balanced on her shoulder is a rifle of some sort. Her hair is short and curled, messy from the breeze. And though…

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Doorway to a Forgotten Land

My breath came in short, labored bursts, reflecting the intensity of the circuit workout my friend and I were making our way through. I told her I’d begun “hiking” on the treadmill set at a steep incline, practicing for the mountain hikes on the itinerary for an upcoming trip as couples to celebrate our friends’…

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It’s 2 a.m.

It’s 2 a.m. The limbs of the trees outside my window are moving in the wind; the sound of the leaves rustling a bit is agitating. I can’t stop my thoughts, one after another, all in a similar vein, and none of them productive.  “Did I have caffeine after 2 p.m.?” “Are these hot flashes…

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