Dis-Order

Nearly seven years ago, I lay alone in a hospital bed, cuddling my newborn son on my chest. Although my husband and mother had been present for his birth, complications and illness prevented them from being at the hospital for the first full day of his life. Since we had moved only six months prior…

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Fraud

I think I’m a fraud. I did the correct things in the right order. I read the guidelines thrice. I edited my word count and submitted in the appropriate format. I slowly wound my way through the bureaucracy of writing, posting, submitting, designing. I built trust and loved on the few who were called to…

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Playing Small

My tenth and final year as a gymnast was during my senior year in high school. With only a small handful of meets left in my career, I was actively trying to make the most of my farewell season. Or, to be more precise, I thought I was trying to make the most of it.…

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Ordered Steps

A man’s steps are ordered by the Lord; how then can man understand his way? (Proverbs 20:24 RSV) We sleep in separate rooms. That has been our norm for over two years. It is preservation for us both. But I didn’t want to leave his side that Monday night. They worked him in at the…

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Naming The Wild Things

Ask a mom of littles what her day looks like, and she will probably laugh in your face. The day, in large part, is what it is. However, since entering the parenting trenches three-and-a-half years ago, I have begun to take hold of the unexpected practice of peacemaking through planning. What used to read “prison”…

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What Number Are You?

Growing up as the youngest of 11 children was a novelty.  In gatherings when we were introduced to our parents friends they would ask “what number are you?”  At first I was proud to tell them I was #11, the “caboose.”  The first and last seemed special, the beginning and the end.  All nine children…

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In Between The Milestones

It’s not often that as a year begins, I can already name the major milestones the coming months will hold. This spring, I will be moving so my landlords can sell their property. Not too long after that, I’ll transition from course work in my graduate degree to writing my graduate thesis. My boyfriend and…

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Awakening

I am a sucker for lofty promises which is why, in the early days of the new year, I find myself signing up for a cleanse. A cleanse promises to rewire cravings. As you detox, your body is stripped of its addictions and your mind recalibrates. No, you don’t need that nightly glass of wine.Yes,…

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Anam Cara

“Never let the fire in your heart go out. Keep it alive.” Romans 12:11 The entrance into the new year has surprisingly been held in the embrace of anam ċara. “Anam ċara means soul friend,” John O’Donohue writes. “The anam ċara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life.…

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Listening

A curious rhythmic beat worked its way into my half sleep. It was barely dawn and as I listened, even before I opened my eyes, I heard first the chorus of birdsong that is the ritual of the Northwest Spring. I had taught myself how to tune into each voice of this holy choir, raising…

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