Please God.

No baby has blessed my womb Disgrace my lot, disgrace my doom Never feeling the growing inside I said I was OK with it.  I lied. Never feeling touch, skin to skin No offspring from me, no next of kin Never seeing eyes open in wonder No baby, my heart asunder Never hearing cries in…

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Dreams Don’t Die with Motherhood

A little notebook sits on the back, left corner of a small, brown table in the tiny kitchen of my cottage on the Dutch Caribbean Island of Saba. No matter how many times I spray and wipe down the wooden surface, a thin film of “too many chaotic dinners” remains. I reach for this journal,…

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Wonder Woman 

My ballpoint pen couldn’t move fast enough as I filled the margins of my tattered Lifeway workbook. I watched intently the VHS tape of a bright, lively woman moving across the stage with fervor. In my mid 20s, a group of my single friends gathered for Beth Moore’s Breaking Free bible study. As a new…

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Love Covers

I stood in the spotlight, strumming the first four chords I’d ever learned on guitar over and over and over again. I couldn’t remember the first note of the song. I’d been playing guitar for over ten years, having played in front of people hundreds of times. A minute went by. Another minute passed and no notes came. One…

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Playing With Tears

*The following post is from a sexual abuse survivor and may contain elements that could feel triggering. It has been three years.  My body feels heavy, my pulse throbs in my neck. The memory, so violent and traumatic. My mind has begun to recover but my body has been slower to follow. During an EMDR…

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On Cows and Childbearing

My husband is a rancher, and we met later in life after I’d had my own children. Being a ranch wife has yielded insights I never expected. One of the stark realizations of my status as a human female has been through the observation of cows. Cows on a ranch have an economic value based…

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Heartbreak And Hope

“Elephants,” I thought. “No, it was a whale.” I read about her a few months ago. Her sweet baby had died and she glided through the ocean with a small body on her back, unable to let go. Her whole pod surrounded her as she carried her lifeless child for 17 days. I like to think that…

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Body Meets Soul

She stares back at me in the mirror.  The dark hollowed eyes, the rounded face, the heavy thighs, the slumped over posture.   I know the contours of her well.  I despise her most of the time.  She doesn’t look like I think she ought to, and she knows it.  I tell her all the…

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The Courage Of Being Swept Up In A Love Song

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. (Lao Tzu)  For anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship, you know that love changes over time. My husband and I are college sweethearts and have been married for eight years. I never anticipated getting married so young,…

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