Shame and Secrecy: Gone

It was a Saturday like any other in San Antonio, Texas — a beautiful, blustery October morning in 2007, the perfect day for our family outing at the zoo — until I discovered a secret so painful, I nearly collapsed.  D-Day, I called it. Discovery Day. The day I discovered my husband was leading a…

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Leaning Into Unexpected Shifts

I ran into the grocery store before heading home to my kids, I had just returned on an overnight flight and was going to grab premade food for our dinner. I laughed when I saw my best friend in the produce section, but stopped when her stone face greeted me, “you don’t know, do you?…

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What Is Saving Your Life Right Now?

I’ve found myself repeating this question to the few people I interact with these days, from a safe distance of course (how odd that we now have to qualify that our interactions with actual humans are safe and socially distanced). This question was brought into my life a few years ago as I dove deeply…

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I am afraid

Last night, a writing prompt was given to a lovely group of sisters with whom I was virtually gathering.  For a moment or so, we were to write about fear. I didn’t know what I was afraid of, but I was soon to find out.  As a single woman, living alone, I live a life…

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Scrapper

I want to hold her in my hands and look at her face.  My eyes scroll over the pictures that haven’t moved from the self-adhesive plastic covered pages for years. I am looking for her.  As I turn the page, I take her in and notice a tightening in my stomach. “She’s a pistol,” I…

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Fight Like A Girl

My husband was diagnosed with acute kidney disease with renal failure in 2012.  At that time, he was driving a truck making 10-day trips from Texas to New Mexico and I often accompanied him. On April 1, 2012, I started my period. I had been dealing with “the change” for ten years, which included horrible,…

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The Evidence Is In

I am done proving me. My life is not one prolonged job interview, a permanent Olympic trial, an ongoing all-state music audition. I am not a college application for admissions officials to peruse, an employee scrutinized for business acumen or her annual performance review, an associate striving to make partner. I refuse to be

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Trees, Hope, Justice And Waiting For Sunday

I sometimes want to be a tree. I want to blow in the breeze, feel the rain on my branches, shelter birds and squirrels, and grow roots deep and wide so that I am strong and resilient to whatever might want to take me down. I want to bend and grow without to-do lists and…

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Fireproof

“When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2 In my yard growing up, we had a “jungle” in the back corner along the fence.  It was an area that the lawnmower couldn’t handle because the weeds and brush had already won over the grass. …

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