Lengthening

For many years my value and self-worth felt inextricably tied to others. I felt this inner need, this constant pull, to do and help and support and to prove, constantly prove, that I was good, and of service, and selfless; that I was not needy, but needed. I learned the art of bending and contorting…

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Accepting the Detour

We were almost to Austin, and I needed to tell my boss I was quitting. We had driven from San Antonio together for a women’s leadership panel. I had planned on bringing up my departure much earlier on our trip, but the moment hadn’t felt right, and now as she got on the toll road…

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Living Outside the Lines

It is the Friday before spring break and my oldest son, William, is receiving a creative student award at his school. This is his first time to receive an award outside of the honor roll, and my husband Steve and I are thrilled. Will struggled during pre-K, Kinder, and the first part of first grade…

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The Helper

Growing up I loved personality tests. I would take and administer them to my friends and family constantly. I was obsessed with understanding more about myself and those around me. When I discovered the Enneagram, you better believe I went down that rabbit hole. The Enneagram helped me better understand my friends, my coworkers, my…

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The Lace Dress

The spring before I found out I was pregnant with my first child I was at a craft fair with my best friends. I came across a booth that was selling baby girls clothing. There was this lace dress. It was frilly and girly and perfect. I bought it. I wasn’t pregnant yet. We weren’t…

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Treading Water

Tread water, get pulled under, push to surface, gasp for air, tread water, get pulled under, push to surface, gasp for air. Slowly drowning has become my way of life. There is a rhythm to it, one that is familiar. A pattern that should probably feel scary or dangerous instead feels like home. So even…

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The Girl in the Cage

There is a girl I keep locked away. She sneaks out occasionally. You would think she would try to be quiet to avoid detection when she gets out, but this girl doesn’t know how to be quiet. This girl has opinions, and she is loud.  Here is what I know about her: She questions everything.…

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My Little Kingdom

I thought it would be more glamorous, ruling my little kingdom. Perhaps because my mother made it look pretty effortless…or at least manageable. But the truth is, it’s not manageable on so many days. Every day I wake up, and I try and fail and go to sleep and do it again. I’ve read all…

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The Huntress Is Hibernating

It is currently January 14th, two weeks into the new year, and I have not written down a single goal. That is highly unlike me. I love setting my intention for the year. I love lists of things to accomplish and milestones to help get me over the finish line. I usually buy the new…

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Growing in the Gray

The wilderness. That is where it feels like I am, especially lately. The wife of a dear friend I have known for 20 years passed away this week. She was in her late 30s. They have an 8-week-old daughter, their first and now only. Cancer took her within a month of her diagnosis. Two of…

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