cultivating the beautiful ordinary by sharing our tales and our tables
Who am I, and which part of me is real? It happens in the flick of a switch. The war within me between the “best version” and the “far-from-the-mark” mother. It doesn’t take much for this duality to be activated as pieces of my own story are stirred up. Both have a significant impact on…
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His nearly weightless body skips across the house as he approaches the entrance to our garage. Back and forth, he appears to hover over the flooring, touching just briefly before he is back in the air. Turning at the corner of the couch, he places both hands on the sectional and hurls both legs into…
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I, like many others, get by with a little help from my therapist. Each week, I find a quiet space to meet with her online, and I close the door. Sometimes it’s my car door as it sits in the driveway, sometimes it’s the door to my daughter’s bedroom while she’s at daycare. A quiet…
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When I was young, my faith was expansive. I listened as friends told desperate stories of an unplanned pregnancy; of the fear of deportation; of the explosive anger of a boyfriend she couldn’t stop loving; of the courage it took to tell parents of a same-sex attraction. I shared my own fears, desperations, and foibles,…
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“It’s not rebels that make trouble, but trouble that makes rebels.” – Ruth Messinger The air is cool and damp, dewy droplets visible on the grass. Sipping my coffee, I try to distinguish how many different birds I can hear…at least four accompanied by some morning crickets. It’s just cool enough that I grab the…
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My head barely hit the pillow around 11:03 p.m. when I heard the word “Mom.” My husband was out-of-town, our youngest was at Pine Cove, and our oldest was chatting with his friends in Discord (an online chatting service)…or so I thought. I rose from my sleep, looked over to the left, and saw him…
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“You are one of the bravest people I know,” I squeaked, as tears filled my eyes. She kept my gaze as I spoke a blessing over her cross-country journey into the unknown. Without concrete work and with very temporary housing in place, she was moving back to L.A. after a long COVID relocation. A bright…
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It’s 3 a.m., and I’m wide awake, tossing and turning like it’s my own signature dance move, all to the tune of grief and fear. Back and forth I spin on the deep gray sheets that prove there is no thread count that can stop my midnight moves. That tune is just too loud. The…
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At five foot two, he reaches his arms up to hug me. My arms underneath his squeeze tightly as I breathe him in. He is both familiar and mysterious. Stepping back, I stand still as he studies my face. “Mom, my armpits stink,” he says. “Oh, I’m sure they don’t buddy. Let me smell,” I…
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“Where do your boys think you are right now?” my counselor asks. I am surprised by her question, which seems out of left field. “I told them I had an appointment,” I reply. It’s vague, I’ll admit, but it’s not a lie. “What would happen if you told them the truth?” she asks, interrupting the…
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