On Grief, Growth, and Calico Critters

I put it off for as long as I possibly could—the slimming down and organization of our fourth bedroom. We established it as the playroom when we moved in with our little girls six years ago, but I was finally accepting that, at ages 15 and 12, they were doing far less playing than ever…

Read More

Unexpectedly Good

Steven climbed into the passenger seat of the Toyota Sequoia. “Let’s take the back way to Holland, Mom.”  I back down our angled driveway and head for H Avenue and then over to Sixth Street. The quiet backroads of Kalamazoo are lined with trees and sprawling green grass in the summertime. Hand-painted signs lean against…

Read More

Wild and Free

As I sit here, sipping my morning coffee and gazing out the window at my two teenage sons, I can’t help but daydream about the days when they’ll be off to college and my husband and I will be empty nesters. I love my kids more than anything in this world. They’re the light of…

Read More

In the Wild

One of my favorite artists, P!nk, was recently honored with the Icon Award at the iHeartRadio music awards. Standing on the stage, with award in hand, she paused briefly before saying, “I usually do try to joke or be self-deprecating in these moments, but I want to be a better friend to myself tonight, so…

Read More

Living Outside the Lines

It is the Friday before spring break and my oldest son, William, is receiving a creative student award at his school. This is his first time to receive an award outside of the honor roll, and my husband Steve and I are thrilled. Will struggled during pre-K, Kinder, and the first part of first grade…

Read More

Utterly Unattainable

Who am I, and which part of me is real? It happens in the flick of a switch. The war within me between the “best version” and the “far-from-the-mark” mother. It doesn’t take much for this duality to be activated as pieces of my own story are stirred up. Both have a significant impact on…

Read More

Being Human

His nearly weightless body skips across the house as he approaches the entrance to our garage. Back and forth, he appears to hover over the flooring, touching just briefly before he is back in the air. Turning at the corner of the couch, he places both hands on the sectional and hurls both legs into…

Read More

Opening the Door

I, like many others, get by with a little help from my therapist. Each week, I find a quiet space to meet with her online, and I close the door. Sometimes it’s my car door as it sits in the driveway, sometimes it’s the door to my daughter’s bedroom while she’s at daycare. A quiet…

Read More

Complicated Love

When I was young, my faith was expansive. I listened as friends told desperate stories of an unplanned pregnancy; of the fear of deportation; of the explosive anger of a boyfriend she couldn’t stop loving; of the courage it took to tell parents of a same-sex attraction. I shared my own fears, desperations, and foibles,…

Read More

None of All

“It’s not rebels that make trouble, but trouble that makes rebels.” – Ruth Messinger The air is cool and damp, dewy droplets visible on the grass. Sipping my coffee, I try to distinguish how many different birds I can hear…at least four accompanied by some morning crickets. It’s just cool enough that I grab the…

Read More