Looking for the Sunrise

On Saturday morning in middle-winter, I stand in my bathroom, highlighting the hair of one of my dear friends. I have a special, recyclable Lululemon bag filled with balayage lightener, clips, a cape, and tin foil. I always put it away in a place that is obvious but I can never find.

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Welcoming Change

My oldest daughter was not a cuddly child in her first four years of life. She wanted her space, and we learned to give it to her. At some point, however, she’s changed her mind on all things physical touch. These days, she cannot get close enough to me, her dad, or her sister. She…

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Simple, Not Easy

Silence was the language of my childhood—in our home, in the car, walking side-by-side. When our kids were born, I wanted to make sure car rides were filled with music and laughter and conversation. Some of the very best of the latter have taken place on the way to school. Here is one of my…

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For Those Whose Suffering Is Hidden

Recently, we attended parties celebrating milestones achieved by dear friends. One will attend Christian college after graduating high school; one begins a first job after competing as a student-athlete for another Christian school. Posted on our refrigerator, the invitations were reminders—not just of party dates, but also of pain we are navigating as parents.  …

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On Grief, Growth, and Calico Critters

I put it off for as long as I possibly could—the slimming down and organization of our fourth bedroom. We established it as the playroom when we moved in with our little girls six years ago, but I was finally accepting that, at ages 15 and 12, they were doing far less playing than ever…

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Unexpectedly Good

Steven climbed into the passenger seat of the Toyota Sequoia. “Let’s take the back way to Holland, Mom.”  I back down our angled driveway and head for H Avenue and then over to Sixth Street. The quiet backroads of Kalamazoo are lined with trees and sprawling green grass in the summertime. Hand-painted signs lean against…

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Wild and Free

As I sit here, sipping my morning coffee and gazing out the window at my two teenage sons, I can’t help but daydream about the days when they’ll be off to college and my husband and I will be empty nesters. I love my kids more than anything in this world. They’re the light of…

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In the Wild

One of my favorite artists, P!nk, was recently honored with the Icon Award at the iHeartRadio music awards. Standing on the stage, with award in hand, she paused briefly before saying, “I usually do try to joke or be self-deprecating in these moments, but I want to be a better friend to myself tonight, so…

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Living Outside the Lines

It is the Friday before spring break and my oldest son, William, is receiving a creative student award at his school. This is his first time to receive an award outside of the honor roll, and my husband Steve and I are thrilled. Will struggled during pre-K, Kinder, and the first part of first grade…

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Utterly Unattainable

Who am I, and which part of me is real? It happens in the flick of a switch. The war within me between the “best version” and the “far-from-the-mark” mother. It doesn’t take much for this duality to be activated as pieces of my own story are stirred up. Both have a significant impact on…

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