A Brilliant Escape

Today I saw a caterpillar smashed on the sidewalk. She met her demise before she met her destiny. Sometimes, I want to be that caterpillar. Pleading that my life might somehow end. This desire for eternal rest comes because emptiness has found her way back to me again. I try relentlessly to fill her but…

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Hiding in Playtime

As a child, I loved being outside. It was a safe place to be; it was freedom. I could run and yell and get dirty. The smell of sweat and dirt, combined with the never healing skinned knees, was just the sign of a day well spent. I didn’t worry when I was free. Fear…

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Dancing Again

My memory holds pockets of a vibrant, life-giving little girl who could make the world smile. If I could describe her in words, I would chose provocative sounding words like full of color, vibrancy, and ecstasy. A child fully in her body, aware of her power, and lost in her dreams. This little girl I…

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Confusion

A child’s mind is a mystery to me. It captures every experience and locks it in as the basis to build truth, to define normal, to create expectations. Is this still true when the normal is twisted with tainted experiences? This question spotlights my reality.  I liken it to the time my husband went to…

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Life Lost, Love Gained

“You should never be a mom.” “You would be a horrible mother.” Not sure the number of times I heard these lines through my childhood, but it was often enough that these words took root in my life and grew deep.

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Redeeming Woman

Nearly two years ago, I sat at Recovery Week Two listening to Dan Allender talk about breaking curses that had been spoken over our bodies, and I felt a stirring in my heart.

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But, God.

It was summer and I was hoping. The night before I took a pregnancy test, I had a dream where I was standing in a bright nursery, sun streaming in, holding my swollen belly.

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