This past year has been one of the most challenging and painful years in my life. I felt like I was in a fierce storm being thrashed around like a little rag doll. For what seemed like eternity, all I could focus on was trying to survive one moment at a time. I felt deep betrayal, grief, fear, and panic when the community I built and loved for over a decade was at risk of being torn apart. Continue reading “Ragdoll Endurance”
The process of grief is anything but linear. What would be nice is a clear cut path with a beginning and end, but that’s not the way grief works. It feels more like a tidal wave that comes out of the blue and knocks the wind out of you, or a dull aching pain that pulls like an undercurrent threatening to swallow you whole. Continue reading “Love the Process”
“I’m going to get off the phone now.”
“Mom, tell me you love me.”
“I love you honey.”
“OK mom, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“OK, goodbye.” Continue reading “Last Words”
A small stream of light struggles to break through a crack between the window blinds in the darkened room. The persistent beep from the nearby machine hums. It is annoying, as it reminds me I am in the ICU. Continue reading “Look to the Heavens”
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
—Ecclesiastes 3:1
The honeysuckles are lush along the roadside as I drive north from the house to the grocery store, the woods on either side reminding me of home—my old home. Continue reading “Ecclesiastes”
It has been one year since I received the call, one year since the news dribbled out of the earpiece that I was sister to one less brother. Continue reading “A Complicated Grief”
“Bean, I’ve made it home!” I felt my dad’s spirit speaking to me through the pitch black night. As I stood alone with this new truth and my sister’s words “dad’s dead” summersaulting in my head, I turned my gaze up toward heaven. Continue reading “Just the Beginning”
“All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one’s heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.” Cormac McCarthy Continue reading “Out of the Ashes”
There is a stirring in my heart that I cannot ignore as I look forward into 2017. Continue reading “Let Hope Echo”
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