Her Hair Tells A Story

Standing in the bathroom, a place of horrific and shameful abuse.  I am getting another haircut that strips away my femininity.  I’m 11 years old and in the midst of a war that revolves around my hair length.  Much of my childhood has already been stolen. My inner little girl is screaming “Please mom, stop! Don’t…

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Rupture. Release. Beauty

I’m getting divorced. Three simple words.  Three simple words that don’t convey the pain and messiness of this season.  Three simple words that don’t feel real.  Three simple words that represent an impossibly complicated emotional state of being.

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Awards Day

The hand of a distinguished celebrity judge moves through the air in slow motion. The contestant’s eyes widen and mouth drops open in disbelief, in hope. Contact is made with a large round button, rocketing golden confetti up. It gently rains back down in real time, showering the chosen one in worth and honor. Often…

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Transitions are…

With one hand I hold tightly to my husband, in desperate need of his support, and with the other I push him away.  It’s confusing and frustrating, but this is how the young and scared part of me struggles for control and acts out in fear. My mature and wise adult self knows better.  I have…

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The Leaves of Lórien

Our histories leave trails behind us Whether we remember, or not Clues, leaves of Lórien let fall By our younger selves In hopes We might come back someday To rescue the little child within In hopes We might remember To find healing In hopes That we might forgive The child within And finally remember Who…

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Snow Globe

I have a vague memory from my early years — perhaps I was 3 or 4 — of swimming with my siblings and cousins at my aunt’s apartment pool on a golden summer afternoon. At some point amidst the fun, I went from sweet and splashy to exhausted and unwound. Having the self-awareness of the…

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The Light of Empathy

The downtown central library in San Antonio is lovingly referred to by locals as the “Enchilada.” The color of its skin can only be likened to the chili con carne sauce draped over a steaming plate of enchiladas. There are multiple floors to this library and extensive collections, and the most recent addition is a…

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Accepting Help

The first time I travelled through Minnesota on my way to Winnipeg, I realized how much more comfortable I am in urban areas. The further west I drove, the more anxious I became, as traffic thinned out and pick-up trucks outnumbered cars. I hadn’t know this about myself, but I quickly realized that I had…

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Room to Recover

I wake today with painful awareness that I have holes scarring my abdomen where I did not have them previously. My very infected gallbladder was removed and I’m lying in a hospital bed hopped up on morphine with a drain in my side.

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