The Gift of Mum

I lost my birth mom the day I came into this world. We were in Northern India together and connected for just a few moments…and then…separated. I grieved the disruptive loss of a second (adoptive) mother the day I turned 18. Those are two significant days that hold life and newness which have been marked…

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Weakness and Waiting: A Better Story

In that moment, it seemed crystal-clear that God was answering my prayers in just the right way. An American friend emailed me in China, where our family of five had resided for twelve years, “Isn’t God’s timing perfect that He healed you of your migraines right before you adopt the two children He has for…

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I’m Fine

I had been driving around the neighborhood, circling the same streets for almost thirty minutes, until I reached a point of no longer being able to bear the weight of what I was trying to escape. My friend Cassandra was on the phone with me, listening as I talked with panic in my voice and…

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Birthing

My heart beat rapidly in my chest as I opened the email from our adoption coordinator. In just hours, I would be boarding a plane with my husband and two boys to fly to Haiti. The message included a picture of our daughter.  Baby Girl – Christine T. three months old, no birth weight, no…

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Banchan

In Korea I could disappear. Not like, “40 year old woman goes missing on vacation and is never seen again,” disappear. But rather, disappear so seamlessly into the masses that I’d never even feel lost. I could be among a dozen people and not even be noticed. Physically fitting in might have been the missing…

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Her Hair Tells A Story

Standing in the bathroom, a place of horrific and shameful abuse.  I am getting another haircut that strips away my femininity.  I’m 11 years old and in the midst of a war that revolves around my hair length.  Much of my childhood has already been stolen. My inner little girl is screaming “Please mom, stop! Don’t…

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The Arms of Safety

The arms of my oversized chocolate brown chair hold my tired body as I bring the face of my discontented daughter towards me. Her quivering lips latch on and her squawks slow to a grave whimper as she suckles the milk from my breast with a sweet hum of contentment. Oxytocin forges through my body…

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Live the Questions

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.” – Rainer Maria Rilke A few weeks ago, as I drove my son to camp, he asked, “Mommy, how much did I cost?”…

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I Didn’t See This Coming!

I waited outside the door. My foster children would soon finish their visit with their parents. It had been a month since the kids had been removed.

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