My Golden Storm

I have always had the feeling she knew she was going to be here, long before I knew. I sat on my big bouncy ball, trying to relieve the sharp pains in my pelvis from the necessary collapse of its integrity. The waters broke, and I knew it would be soon. She was already doing…

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Unexpected Relief

The long trek from the maternity ward to the NICU requires a wheelchair and a hospital transporter. Michael has just left for a few hours to check on our two- and four-year-old daughters, who are at home and can’t meet their baby sister. I feel the shift as we roll from a floor of lactation…

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Breath of Life

“Take a deep breath and fill your belly with air, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Ally gently guides us through a trauma-informed yoga practice. I notice the rubber mat beneath me and the earth holding me. I am gathered with eight women fighting to find goodness in our bodies, vessels that…

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Unwavering Passion

The night my husband and I found out we were expecting, I was drifting to sleep, dancing between consciousness and my dream world. Suddenly, my husband’s loud and insistent voice snapped me back to reality. “You’re getting an epidural!” he said eagerly, clearly falling asleep to thoughts about my impending pain 8 months later. I…

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Quiet Familiarity

I was born in the suburbs of Chicago, raised on the dynasty of the Chicago Bulls and the “curses” of the Chicago Cubs. I lived in the same town until I left for college at the age of 18. “Home” will always be that Chicagoland suburb, but it’s no longer the only place where I…

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Here is My Body, Take and Eat

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands. –Isa. 49:15-16 My iPhone alarm triggers a surge of cortisol through my weary body. The blue light flashes 2:30AM. I feel empty and anxious as…

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Someone Who Talks About Miracles

“I take my shoes off,” I told the nurse apologetically. I flung off my sneakers before stepping on the scale, knowing I was taking up her time in order to save myself from the weight of my Nikes. I was 34 weeks pregnant, or maybe 35, and the weigh-ins were all running together as I…

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The Price of Life

I looked at the clock as the phone was ringing. It was 5:15 AM and Andrew was calling to let us know that his wife, Elizabeth, had just given birth to our grandson.

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