Breath of Life

“Take a deep breath and fill your belly with air, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Ally gently guides us through a trauma-informed yoga practice. I notice the rubber mat beneath me and the earth holding me. I am gathered with eight women fighting to find goodness in our bodies, vessels that…

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The Space Between

There is a war that rages in my heart between life and death, right and wrong, sorrow and joy, good and bad, faith and fear. I have learned, through prayer and meditation, to love and honor both sides of the war and to rest in the middle ground, where peace is always awaiting my return.…

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Fight Like A Girl

My husband was diagnosed with acute kidney disease with renal failure in 2012.  At that time, he was driving a truck making 10-day trips from Texas to New Mexico and I often accompanied him. On April 1, 2012, I started my period. I had been dealing with “the change” for ten years, which included horrible,…

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Imagine Being Enough

It has been three years since she left. The missing of her grows like sprawling crabgrass over my tender lawn. I long to hear her voice and see the sparkle of life in her brown eyes. Eyes that saw me. She would have delighted in the things that have happened since she’s been gone. I…

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Let’s Go

I’ve grown accustomed to the feeling that something awful will happen to my husband and daughter at a young age. Every once in a while, it hits me that something could happen—an illness or injury that takes them from me all too soon. Recently, however, I’ve felt a relatively new fear: that illness or injury…

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In Celebration of Grief

We have had a terrible dry winter and spring in the southwestern desert. Day after day has dawned with clear skies and a relentless sun. The land has grown parched. The pine trees in our yard have turned brown, and the threat of fire looms across the mountains above our town. It has become a…

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Reluctant Love

The Habitrail stretched across most of my dresser. Hairy the hamster was housed in the plastic castle complete with tunneling tubes and a giant wheel he could run on incessantly. I would sit on the floor of my room and let him run around, always careful not to lose him under the bed or behind…

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Looking for a Resurrection

I walk past the bike rack and into the familiar place with different eyes today. I push through the first set of wide metal doors into the entryway, past the water fountain and the “park scooters here” sign.

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Forever unfolding.

“I’ve decided God is about the things that come really easy or really, REALLY hard. Everything else is just me believing if I give the right amount of effort, I’ll get the result I want. Life is a lot of me pretending I have my act together.”

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Last Words

“I’m going to get off the phone now.” “Mom, tell me you love me.” “I love you honey.” “OK mom, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” “OK, goodbye.”

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