Ugly Hope

Moving through loss is messy and unattractive. A few years ago, there was a song made popular by a country singer who lamented her mama’s advice: “Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady.”* Or, as others have said, “fake it till you make it.” There is a certain value in this…

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Learning to Float

Six months before my sister lost her battle with cancer, she planned an amazing birthday party at the ocean. While there were many fabulous memories during that vacation, my favorite moment is one that I return to often in my imagination. Mary was floating belly up in a fluorescent pink donut tube and humming a…

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Domino Effect

I feel nothing changes you like a new city and new people. I remember when I got the news that my family and I would be moving. I had come home from school and was tired and pissed off as I often was, being an angsty seventh grader. When my parents told me our house…

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Wisdom’s Workbench

She was so young, so naïve.  Face smooth, laugh lines just beginning to form, and eyes pooling with tears as she wondered, “what shall I do?” Her good friend, Fear convinced her that no matter what she did, she would as easily be wrong as right. It might have been a parenting decision or the…

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How Are You?

For the first time in three years, my family is living under the same roof. My older son came home for spring break, never imagining that he wouldn’t be returning to campus for the remainder of his semester. My younger son’s high school senior year has been greatly altered, as he and his classmates now…

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Life to Take, Life to Give

Tonight, my thoughts are full of her. It has been seven months since my friend and colleague left. That summer night, as the sun was disappearing behind the basswood tree, the call came. I had finished mowing the lawn and noticed the white letters of a friend’s name across the black screen of my phone.…

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Awakening

Standing in the florescent glow of Super Target it happened. A throng of ponytailed and legging-clad mothers had just dropped little ones at school and entered the store, eager for a cathartic wander through the aisles, me included. I turned toward Starbucks to get my morning Chai when I happened to glance at the cart…

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You Are Not Alone

Everywhere I turn, there is nothing. Vast nothingness all around me. As far as my eye can see is emptiness. Dry, arid, dusty, flat and desolate nothingness. My heart is broken into a million pieces. Shattered into dust on the ground. It’s hard to distinguish between the dust of my broken heart and the dust…

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Grief Suspended

My husband and I watch a television show we’ve grown rather fond of called, The Good Doctor. In a recent episode, one of the young surgeons tragically loses her mom whom she’d just begun to get to know after years of separation. She immediately returns to work and gets on with her life without mourning…

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Why Not?

“Why Not?”   It’s a Monday morning and my “to do” list is excessive. There is much to be  accomplished: get more boxes, books in the attic, call the plumber, mailing address changed, and keep the house clean! We have a showing tomorrow!   My mind carries around a litany of tasks to maintain as…

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