Awakening

Standing in the florescent glow of Super Target it happened. A throng of ponytailed and legging-clad mothers had just dropped little ones at school and entered the store, eager for a cathartic wander through the aisles, me included. I turned toward Starbucks to get my morning Chai when I happened to glance at the cart…

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Depression: A Mark of Disgrace or Humanity?

The statistics on mental illness in the U.S. are sobering. According to NAMI, one in five adults experience mental illness each year; for children, the prevalence is only slightly less at one in six. Anxiety and depression top the list of most common diagnoses and frequently occur together. Also troubling is the rising suicide rate.…

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Please God.

No baby has blessed my womb Disgrace my lot, disgrace my doom Never feeling the growing inside I said I was OK with it.  I lied. Never feeling touch, skin to skin No offspring from me, no next of kin Never seeing eyes open in wonder No baby, my heart asunder Never hearing cries in…

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Advent’s War With Despair. Jesus Incarnate In The Hopelessness.

“Why do you say you have no one?” Stare. “What makes you feel no one understands?” Stare. “Can you make a box in your mind and fit the stories inside?” Stare. Blank. I stared. Thoughts echoed inside but I didn’t dare say them out-loud.

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My Monster

For many years, I believed the lie that the only way of coping with the parasitic fears and deep pain in my life was to bring injury to my body. I still remember the young teenage girl standing in front of a dressing room mirror, fighting back tears and thinking this was her only option.…

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The Story Behind The Surface

I have a pharmacy on my nightstand. Every night, I pop a number of vitamins from four different containers. Water, vitamins, water, vitamins, water. Then there’s the orange pill bottle. It’s not a multivitamin and I can’t get it over the counter. Out of all the pills, this is the one I’ve taken the longest,…

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Hidden Truths

“So, what have you been up to lately?” she casually asked across the table strewn with half-drunk margaritas and now cold food. The dreaded question finally happened and an annoying ache clawed at my belly. Taking a deep breath, I came up with an answer that seemed appropriate to the evening and less shame-filled than…

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Dear Depression

“I grew more depressed. And also I grew a muffin top.” –Jamie Wright from The Very Worst Missionary   Dear Depression, We’ve known each other for quite some time now. The first time I met you I never got your name. You extended a hand like you were some kind of savior, arrived to shield…

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The Land of the Living

The boulder in my yard was rather large, covered in ferns and lichens. It rested beneath a mango tree, residing in my periphery as I toiled over hand washing clothes and pinning them up to dry in the sunlight. It perched just shy of a conversation amidst the brush, iguanas, and wildflowers, holding its breath…

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Blue

The blue of a day like this sits and hovers over me; my emotions intense, my conflicts stirring, my mind racing with solutions to make the blue disappear. I would say today is a light blue, like humidity. No raincoat or umbrella can make humidity disappear.

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