Please God.

No baby has blessed my womb
Disgrace my lot, disgrace my doom
Never feeling the growing inside
I said I was OK with it.  I lied.
Never feeling touch, skin to skin
No offspring from me, no next of kin
Never seeing eyes open in wonder
No baby, my heart asunder

Never hearing cries in the night
No baby, barren womb, my plight

Fighting the depression and grief
My heart it aches, finding no relief
Being the outsider looking in
I wonder, Is this punishment for my sin
Am I destined to always be alone
To be single, always on my own
Is it because God seems so far
And my body is scar after scar

God says I am a valuable treasure
God says I bring Him pleasure
I am not sure how that can be
Surely God doesn’t see what I see
Disgrace oozing from my soul
Broken pieces, nothing ever whole
Does He see I don’t belong
Does He know my struggles are lifelong
Feeling downtrodden, feeling a misfit
Fighting, Fighting, Fighting to not quit

Please God wrap me in Your arms
Please God, shield me from all harms
Take the depression from my brain
Please God, my grief and sadness contain
Please God, penetrate my aching heart
God, help me feel like a work of art
Please God, show truth for I believe lies
God, help me to feel like a prize.

Becky Schulthess has lived her entire life in Wisconsin and loves to see the seasons change.  She writes as a way to process through the ups and downs of her healing journey.  She is a lover of learning, graduating in 2016 with a Masters in Biblical Studies and anticipating graduating in 2021 with a Masters in Management and Leadership.  She is passionate about using both the positive and negative experiences in her life to encourage others. It is her desire for her story to bring hope to those around her.