A Broken Hallelujah

This morning, I left church weeping.  At the close of a lovely Advent service, we sang the song, “Hallelujah.” I’m sure you’ve heard it. The lyrics, written by Leonard Cohen more than 20 years ago, have been sung by many. This morning, that song landed hard on a tender bruise.

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Cultivating Space

My husband says to our children, “If I disappear, look for me in a Goodwill store!” His fear stems from the reality that I have been emptying our home of a lifetime of purchases since 2006. I take great pleasure in getting rid of things we don’t need. I still need Dan, so he is safe.

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Creating An Ecosystem Of Love

When my three daughters were very young, all the back yards in our neighborhood abutted a retention pond. The pond was home to many ducks and slithery creatures as well as an occasional heron.  One morning, I let Muffy, our sweet cockapoo, out in the back yard to pee, and went to check on the…

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Grief Suspended

My husband and I watch a television show we’ve grown rather fond of called, The Good Doctor. In a recent episode, one of the young surgeons tragically loses her mom whom she’d just begun to get to know after years of separation. She immediately returns to work and gets on with her life without mourning…

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Grand Adventure

A crisp November day in Michigan.  Overcast but no snow on the ground. Dad in the driver’s seat and me in the passenger seat. Pulling out of the driveway and turning onto the dirt road. Heading off on an adventure in the red Ford pickup truck.  Just my dad and I.

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“My Fourth Child”

I have three young children, but more often than not, I feel like the mother of four. There are many times I’ve wondered what God was thinking, orchestrating circumstances so that the most intensive period of my recovery overlapped with having two small children under the age of four, then adding pregnancy and a third…

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Divine Interruption

I felt tired, unusually tired. It was early December and I had figured the two trips we had taken in late October and early November plus the holiday schedule were responsible for my lack of energy. Two weeks later that tiredness was accompanied by feelings of nausea when I brushed my teeth in the morning.…

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Cracked

I think it probably started off broken.  I know it was over two days of a labor of love, constant pain and effort.  A little bit of drama and questioning of WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD.  Ending with a cry of relief and fear.  If I could time travel, I think that’s…

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