reframing femininity
Hectic smells, feelings of anticipation, and gurgles in my throat for sparkling cider brew. Sure, there will be cranberries, jello with surprises, or green bean casserole, but I had discovered from an early age how to dispose of unwanted onions, and other things in the napkin on my lap during thanksgiving dinner. Instead, I focus…
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“I am not chewed up, spat out bubblegum” I am not fine china chipped by his touch now sitting on the thrift store shelf. I am not a porcelain tea cup filled with saliva from mouths of boys for whom I willingly opened my legs. I am not plucked petals of a rose trampled by…
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I glanced down at my arms; the three slashes seeped blood. The large amount of aspirin I consumed thinned and accelerated its departure. I wanted to escape and run. Another locked psychiatric ward would be my fate. Only my physical screams could be heard, but these lashes were the deep wails of my internal world.…
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She stares back at me in the mirror. The dark hollowed eyes, the rounded face, the heavy thighs, the slumped over posture. I know the contours of her well. I despise her most of the time. She doesn’t look like I think she ought to, and she knows it. I tell her all the…
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I walked in the door from work and immediately sent a text to my husband: “I received my demotion today.” The big sigh at the end of the sentence was, I assumed, implied. His response was kind but unsurprised: “And how do you feel about that?” Terrible! Horrible! Just really, really awful! I opted for…
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. (Lao Tzu) For anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship, you know that love changes over time. My husband and I are college sweethearts and have been married for eight years. I never anticipated getting married so young,…
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It was my first year of medical residency. My brain was stuffed with all of the technical information to wear the doctor’s white coat; however, I lacked the knowledge born of experience. And I knew it. He was a patient, kind man, somewhere in his 50s. His skin was yellowed with jaundice; his belly swollen…
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Making Room for the Villain The radiologist pointed, “Right there, see the dark spot? I don’t like what I’m seeing.” There it was, right of center on the screen, nestled in bright white digital breast tissue on the screen. The spot was dark and sinister, like a burn hole on a white couch. Its’ edges…
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There are several boundaries and battle grounds that my mind does not cooperate with on command as it once did!! Information “plays hide and seek” in my brain, and is not controlled solely by my will – the result of a stroke in my brain. Some “pieces” are just gone, some occasionally re-appear, some are definitely…
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Under fluorescent lights, my doctor gently massages my breast tissue as I lie on a metal cot. Two months ago, I started having pain in my breasts. I put it off, thinking it was due to holding plank postures in my new cardio-yoga routine. “But you need to get a mammogram,” my mother urged. “You…
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