Fireproof

“When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2 In my yard growing up, we had a “jungle” in the back corner along the fence.  It was an area that the lawnmower couldn’t handle because the weeds and brush had already won over the grass. …

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Life to Take, Life to Give

Tonight, my thoughts are full of her. It has been seven months since my friend and colleague left. That summer night, as the sun was disappearing behind the basswood tree, the call came. I had finished mowing the lawn and noticed the white letters of a friend’s name across the black screen of my phone.…

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Stumbling in the Wilderness

The last year we lived overseas, I experienced what some might call a “dark night of the soul.” For half the year, I felt out of touch with God and His word. It felt like He had dropped me in a hole and left me there to figure my way out. When I read scripture…

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Awakening

Standing in the florescent glow of Super Target it happened. A throng of ponytailed and legging-clad mothers had just dropped little ones at school and entered the store, eager for a cathartic wander through the aisles, me included. I turned toward Starbucks to get my morning Chai when I happened to glance at the cart…

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Famine and Plenty

“You know what I just realized?” I asked my friend. We were nearing the end of a wonderful day of good friends, good food, and great conversation. I was contemplating how content I was, how content I had been for a while.  “What did you just realize?” “This is the point in the semester where…

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Keeping Watch

“I don’t want to die,” I say with a mix of terror and fortitude, my voice quivering as I look into my counselor’s kind eyes. I am processing a consultation with a urogynecologist over a proposed reconstructive surgery intended to repair my prolapsed bladder and remove my uterus, the space that has nourished and held…

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Shadows And Drumbeats

I slowly rise up from the bathroom floor while I grab a tissue to wipe my dripping nose. I shakily stand at the sink mesmerized by the water falling through my fingers. My cupped hands fill with water and I bring them up to my face longing to erase what just happened, just as the…

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You Are Not Alone

Everywhere I turn, there is nothing. Vast nothingness all around me. As far as my eye can see is emptiness. Dry, arid, dusty, flat and desolate nothingness. My heart is broken into a million pieces. Shattered into dust on the ground. It’s hard to distinguish between the dust of my broken heart and the dust…

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Banchan

In Korea I could disappear. Not like, “40 year old woman goes missing on vacation and is never seen again,” disappear. But rather, disappear so seamlessly into the masses that I’d never even feel lost. I could be among a dozen people and not even be noticed. Physically fitting in might have been the missing…

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