Distorted

My name is Holly, I am an addict. It does not really matter what my addiction is. What matters is my addiction was what I chose to fill the God shaped hole in my life.  My addiction kidnapped my heart, my soul and my mind. But God. God ransomed me.  I used my addiction to…

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Full Circles

I grew up in the aftermath of WWII. Our town was in the early stages of being discovered by everyone looking for warmer weather and a place to take their ailing sinuses. Our skies were blue and you could see for miles. That was Phoenix, Arizona in the early days of the 40’s, 50’s. My…

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Watching Out the Window

These days I spend a lot of time staring out of the window. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more of an internal processor. I balance all of the competing priorities in my life: person, wife, mother, daughter, doctoral student, executive, friend, minister. So, while sitting in front of the window, I entertain a carousel of…

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Unwavering Passion

The night my husband and I found out we were expecting, I was drifting to sleep, dancing between consciousness and my dream world. Suddenly, my husband’s loud and insistent voice snapped me back to reality. “You’re getting an epidural!” he said eagerly, clearly falling asleep to thoughts about my impending pain 8 months later. I…

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The Beginning of Wisdom

“The heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing.” Blaise Pascal There are many days in this season of life where I am at my wit’s end. But that doesn’t seem to keep me from pressing forward expecting reason to catch up to my confusion. The Spirit seems to be prompting me to acknowledge that…

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Snow Globe

I have a vague memory from my early years — perhaps I was 3 or 4 — of swimming with my siblings and cousins at my aunt’s apartment pool on a golden summer afternoon. At some point amidst the fun, I went from sweet and splashy to exhausted and unwound. Having the self-awareness of the…

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Shaped by Love

“You know I absolutely adore you.” His words return to me vivid and tender. An evergreen glistened with tiny white lights as raindrops pelted the brick landing of the retreat center before I boarded the airport shuttle. I picture the wild hair and dancing eyes of the kind man holding my face in his hands…

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Know Thyself

Recently I was the guest on a podcast for moms of young children. The host is a super successful CEO/entrepreneur who has built quite an empire in the mom market over many years. Moms of little ones have been tapping into her curated resources for as long as I can remember and she continues to…

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Survivor of Great Storms

Jesus, Savior, pilot me, Over life’s tempestuous sea; Unknown waves before me roll, Hiding rock and treacherous shoal. Chart and compass come from Thee; Jesus, Savior, pilot me. (Edward Hopper, 1871) One of the things my mother inherited from her parents was a metal, three-dimensional plaque of Jesus walking on storm-tossed waves. It is about…

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The Making of Self

I enter college a relatively new Christian, having come to faith in a para-church youth ministry deeply connected to a reformed church. I am a conservative evangelical by default. It’s all I know, therefore it is all that makes sense. That first year, upon visiting a campus Presbyterian church I feel discomfort that a woman…

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