Beneath the noise and confusion, there is a deep inner knowing. This is the voice of truth—the wise one within, always calling us back home to ourselves. There is safety under the shelter of the wise one’s expansive wings. She is an angel of light who is always available to comfort and guide us if we are brave enough to drop into the deep.
A few years ago I was stuck in a place of relational tension. I felt hurt and needed to be heard and validated. There were intense emotions that needed to be felt and kept me caught in a place of confusion and hopelessness. I sought the counsel of a wise woman who has listened deeply and cared well for me for many years. Her compassionate gaze allowed me the freedom to drop my defenses and return to love. There, beyond the darkness of pain, love is always calling us back home to ourselves.
This wise shepherd held a mirror, a bright light that pointed me back to my own inner light. “What does wisdom say here?” she asked.
Silently, I listened.
There was no wisdom—only noise, confusion, and more defenses. I sat in the horrible discomfort of not knowing. Breathing in the light of God and pausing in that spacious place, I knew I was held and supported. Breathing out the pain and fear that kept me looking out for answers and for someone to rescue me from the discomfort, I knew a deeper peace. Resting in the emptiness that feels like death, all fear is absorbed in the infinite expanse of love.
It is there that I know, not what the mind has to say about what is right or wrong or good or bad, but a much deeper knowing. In the simple knowing that “it is well,” it is safe and good to drop the rope that drags me here or there. Wisdom says, “Everything you need is already within you. Seek that!”
As an Enneagram 2, I lead from my heart center. I feel and then do, feel and then do. Often, the doing leads me to a place of exhaustion and dis-ease. My mind is often caught up in worrying about the needs of others, with little awareness of my own needs. Having my wisdom center of intelligence repressed has caused much pain both to myself and to those whom I want to be loving well. The question, “What does wisdom say here?” reminds me to stop and think. When I drop into wisdom and release my compulsion to help someone else, wisdom often illuminates just how weary and in need of help I am. It feels much better when I am helping others. There is a profound sense of purpose that leads to satisfaction, until I find myself broken down on the side of the road.
Learning to attune to and assess my own inner state frees me to care for myself with the same extravagant love that I want to give to others. I am safe to stop feeling other people’s feelings and doing what may not even be useful so that I can do the one thing that takes care of all the others.
I open my mind up and release the fears and compulsions to do, as well as the shame that keeps me striving for love and affection. Wisdom holds me securely and reminds me that I am perfectly loved and already whole. In this place of integration, all is well and I am free to detach with love. In letting go, we are free and invited to move through the world with ease and lightness in our being.
Wisdom knows that I am loved not for what I do, but simply because I AM—
held and supported;
connected to God and all of life.
When I forget, as I often do, I pause to remember and begin again. Always, we begin again!
Jean Masukevich is a trauma sensitive yoga teacher and integrative coach with over 20 years of teaching experience. Her mission is to guide others to greater mind, body, Spirit integration and connection to their authentic self. She cultivates communities of care where individuals and groups heal and share their hearts and stories through movement, writing, meditation, integrative prayer, creativity, and the sacred art of listening. Jean holds an advanced certificate in grief and trauma from the Allender Center of the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, and is a certified Spiritual Director through Sustainable Faith. Jean serves both children and adults and is available for in person and remote coaching. Contact her at Sowthatjean@gmail.com.