As I was with Moses, so will I be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
We met years ago, but we lost touch. Reconnecting with that one love you’ve always had is one of the most exhilarating experiences. I was suffocating and could barely breathe under the weight of the world, the busy-ness of life and my own emotions. How did He know I would need Him to come back into my life now?
Just when I was ready to throw in the towel on any kind of love, He appeared and gave me the very air that I was giving to everyone else. I thought by focusing on the things I could control and blocking out love, I would never think about Him again. Isn’t that how it usually happens—a love so deep that when you receive it, you accept nothing less than you deserve?
Acceptance however, is love. He loves me on levels that haven’t even been seen or created on this plane yet. The way He looks at me on good days and bad days, the way He accepts all of me and comforts me easily is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. No matter how hard I try to push Him away, firmly He stands there denying me the opportunity to even take an out. “Why won’t He just leave me alone? Why does He continue to pursue me?”
Running through the airport, it caught me: He is all in. He is determined to ride this love-walk out with me until the wheels fall off. His grip around my body is nothing like those who ever gripped me with eyes of lust masquerading as love. He loves my soul without the “tie.” And I can finally say that I love Him just as much, if not more than I did before we separated. “Absence made my heart grow stronger.” I was just voluntarily oblivious to it.
Abiding love won’t allow you to avoid it no matter how many walls you place around it. Brick by brick, those walls will come down. Self-love? I believe in that to the maximum. But the funny thing is that what I thought was Him rejecting me for a while was actually Him teaching me how to love myself without feeling His physical presence. I fell head over heels in love with me. And He allows me to love myself unconditionally.
At dinner one night I asked him: “Why are you so different? You are such a strong advocate for women loving themselves and yet you still find time to love me?” He looked at me as I “broke a rule” and pulled my mirror compact out to fix my lipstick and said:
I’m not cut from the same cloth. I wanted you to see yourself the way that I see you.
I knew that if I could get you to love yourself as I love you, together we would be a force for all that is good in this world and a mighty weapon against evil.
I knew that once you loved Natasha like that, you’d love others like that. As I poured My love upon you, it would effortlessly flow down to the hem of your garment out to the world.
I purposed to love you so intensely that you’d have nowhere to run but in the direction of a love that heals where light once escaped.
I knew you would blanket yourself and others with peace. And I knew that one day you’d tell everyone about our love story.
He was right. Head over heels indeed, or in my case, Converse. Reaching into one of my old journals, I found this:
He knew me all along. I just had to renew the acquaintance. She heals because she feels, and she feels because He is not so high that He can’t be touched with the feelings of our infirmities. His hem carried our collective issues out to sea and right now they are being washed away for anyone that wants to be free.
Love is a choice. You don’t have to choose it. He already chose you and He doesn’t mind sharing. Over and over again, love.
No one can ever love you like Jesus. I don’t know where you are in life but there’s a relentless Range Rover headed your way. Strap in. He’s fully loaded. I pray you’re brave enough to dine with him too.
I never left. Neither did you. You just thought you did.
Natasha Stevens is passionate about humanitarian efforts ranging from empowering girls and women through education, writing, counseling, and speaking engagements, to hands on mission work in various places, including the eradication of forced child labor and early marriage through human trafficking. She loves a hearty laugh in summer gardens as much as a healthy bowl of oats in winter. She enjoys interacting with people from all walks of life, giving back where needed, and ministering the love and grace of Jesus without a title.