I’ve not yet had the opportunity to go dress shopping and choose “the perfect dress” or plan a celebration of love and commitment to the wild and kind man whom I will one day call my best friend. These are hopes and longings of mine that have been threaded into the deep tapestry of my heart since I was a little girl. I have pictured my wedding day, dreamt of it, and occasionally experienced waves of fluttery zeal as I anticipate the extraordinary jubilee that will provoke an ocean of tears.
That day is coming, Lord willing, but as I wait, I find this moment to be a good opportunity to share a significant piece of something special that I have planned for the ceremony. Weddings have a unique tradition of saving the first row for the bride and groom’s parents, grandparents, and close family. As I have contemplated my story and the raw and hard truth that I have no one who holds these titles, I have realized that I get to choose who will fill my front row—my honored guests.
So without further adieu, I present to you my anticipated list of admirable and distinguished front-row wedding guests:
A handful of my dear mentors, including Kerry, Deb, Michael, Shanthani, Dan, and Julie. These good people have walked with me, sat with me, and helped me grow into the young woman I am today. They have extended truth and grace, called me into living a life devoted to Jesus, and increased my confidence to do hard things, risky things, and small things. They have fed me with yummy meals like Goulash; words of wisdom and encouragement—perhaps calling forth future possibilities (Dr. Oaks); and nourishing love by reaching across the table to hold my hands, as if to say, “I am here.” I have been profoundly changed by their brilliance, their meaningful questions, and their stories of struggle and hope. For this, I am deeply grateful.
A few of the therapists and counselors that I have sat across from in times of struggle, darkness, and defeat; they have held space for my big questions about life, family, and story. These people have helped me navigate the unfathomable primal loss that first orphaned me in India and the painstaking second orphaning on my 18th birthday. They have looked me in the eye with compassion and provided deep care and a sense of groundedness when my world felt overwhelming.
These kind humans have made space to honor the immense loss my body has known while holding it alongside a thread of hope.
Two sacred companions will hold seats of honor on my sacred wedding day—one of them will be for Carolyn and the other for my Prem Aunty. These two women hold dear places of honor within my heart. Carolyn has held various roles in my journey, but most recently, she has been a friend and co-laborer. She has believed in me, dreamed with me, taken me on wild adventures (bears included), and helped me to live into the fullness of who God has made me to be. An honored guest she is. Prem Aunty looked after me as a baby and brought me from the hospital to her orphanage. She’s a woman who has found favor with God and whom God has used to reveal his divine character to me through our miraculous reunion. She is the closest person I know to my story of origin and is most worthy of a front-row seat.
My three fairy-God aunties, Faye, Margaret, and Leila. These three women have helped me see the goodness of God in the Land of the Living through their own lives and how they have led me in ministry and life. I feel loved and celebrated and cared for by each of these wisdom-filled beauties, and I know they won’t let me walk down the aisle in anything less than the “best” dress. These women know how to throw a good party, which contains toasting and roasting, elements of exquisite beauty in the tablescape, laughter and delight alongside a feast of plenty. They have been a part of my ministry world, helping me develop my heart for God and people, as well as my personal story by holding space for my dreams, questions, and tears. I love each of them dearly.
My front row will tell a story of beauty, love, hope, resilience, and Jesus’s immense kindness. These women and men will be celebrated and recognized as distinguished humans who have helped me grow, heal, and live life to the fullest.
It is with honor that I get the opportunity write this final piece for Red Tent Living, a space and “table” that has provided a place for my vibrant and wild stories. I am deeply grateful to Tracy and the Red Tent team for having the opportunity to be a regular contributor over the last couple years. Thank you to the many eyes and hearts who have read my stories, held my stories, and shared my writings with others. It has been an honor to be invited to be a part of this legacy. May there be more goodness for each us.
Sandhya Oaks is a ministry leader, spiritual director, writer, and speaker. She is fiercely committed to inviting people to curiosity and possibility through hosting Kintsugi Story Workshops and Story Retreats. She is one who brings light to dark places and invites others to courageously do the same. She is a Transracial Adoptee with Pakistani and Indian roots, and her joys include traveling, gathering around the table, and water sports. You can find more of her good work at Sandhyaoaks.com.
Sometimes our family is who we love.
Sandhya – what a joy it is to have you in our midst. You have offered warm welcome to the women who know what it is to be orphaned, abandoned, and in search of family. Thank you for sharing your story so generously. Your choice to live your story out loud has taken what evil meant for such harm and unfolded it into a “but God…” story that brings hope and inspiration.