I married a man who often has a swirl of controversy about him. It seemed like a good fit because I was the skinny girl on the playground who faced down big six graders for being unkind to the brown third grader from India. If someone made fun of the wheelchair bound child with hydrocephalus in the hallway of my elementary school, I had no problem stomping my foot and glaring at my foolish classmate.
Loving others was what I heard preached on Sunday mornings and was taught in Sunday school classes. In 1963 when the four little girls were killed by the bombing by a Ku Klux Klan-affiliated racist group I don’t remember that being talked about at church.
I wonder what the minister would have said if he had chosen to speak?
I remember in 1965 watching armed police on horses brutally attack Civil Rights demonstrators on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama. I don’t remember a sermon or Sunday school lesson about Blood Sunday.
I wonder what the minister would have said if he had chosen to speak?
I remember watching Eugene “Bull” Connor’s German shepherd police dogs! The fire hoses turned on against children and knocking them to the ground and spinning them down the street! After they turned the hoses off, they brought out German shepherd dogs and chased the children down the street. I don’t remember anyone talking about this.
I wonder what the Sunday school teacher would have said if she had chosen to speak?
In 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated and the greatest wave of social unrest swept the United States since the Civil War. I watched the burning of cities and rioting across America on the television for years. I don’t remember teachers or adults in my world talking about this.
I wonder what our youth ministers would have said, if they had chosen to speak?
In the spring of 1972, my roommate and I moved home because of race riots on The Ohio State Campus and on our floor in Baker Hall. I had been seasoned to this trauma for over a decade. So, I ate it. I did not talk about it.
I wonder what I would have said if I had chosen to speak?
Today, the question my adult children ask is, “How did the riots in 1972 end?” “Did the riots just stop?” I tell them that I don’t remember.
The truth is, I have not had to know or speak or remember because being white gives me the privilege of not needing to know.
Lisa Sharon Harper is writing a new book called, Fortune. I watched her June 3rd IG (Instagram) TV episode (@Lisasharper) and wrote out every word. It’s that important to me. She can trace her family history back ten generations to 1682 in Maryland. (In case you have your D.A.R. papers, that is a big deal.) She addressed over and over again throughout our country’s history that:
“America could have chosen humility over domination. America could have chosen honor over exploitation. America could have allowed First Nation individuals deference instead of genocide”.
It is a stunning speech accounting dozens of atrocities of harm endured by people of color. I felt stunned by her kindness and mercy. If I had suffered for centuries what she has endured, my heart would not have been so generous. Her invitation is clear when she spoke her heartbreaking refrain again and again: “They could have chosen wholeness and humanity, but they didn’t!” “They could have chosen wholeness and humanity, but they didn’t!”
For such a time as this, it is my chance to speak. It is my chance to, once again, stand up against bullies and not be silent. I choose wholeness and humanity. It is my time to speak of my white privilege and listen to people of color and their experience.
I wonder what I will say? I wonder how long I will be willing to hear?
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 42 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living!
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Becky,
Thank you. It all makes sense now…seeing you stand up to the powerful bullies on the playground who were harming others while forgetting your own safety. You were made for this. You are fierce, courageous love. And you are following the most fierce Love onto the battlefield. Lead on, my warrior friend.
with love and gratitude,
Beth
Becky,
I love your powerful voice that rises up and calls us to speak up and listen!
I love your courageous strength that calls us all to take a stand.
Thank you💗
Thank you Jean. You have a powerful voice and a healing practice to many. May there be a chance in every arena to speak of love and equality and the hope of imagination for change!!!
Thank you Beth. I see you warrior like ahead of me. You and Mike have chosen an entire life about equality. Thank you for seeing me! May we spur one another on to love and good deeds.
My father, who was a Detroit cop, used to say to me, “I don’t know where you learned that,” or “You didn’t learn that in this house,” when I would speak up for justice. I, too, am speaking up more about my white privilege and how often my reality would have been different if my skin was a different color. Choosing wholeness and humanity–compassion–is the road to transformation.
Madeline…you a rebel. I love that. I cannot imagine speaking to a father what a Detroit cop. Incredible. Incredible. It makes my head spin. Thank you for your reply and I love your new photo!
So beautifully spoken. Thank you.
Marin…it’s tricky…this subject. Walking a tight rope and always danger….
So many what ifs, but I along with you will speak up, will become more educated. Thank you for continuing to challenge. Joan
Joan, I would love to know more about your growing up in Florida. Through my reading, I am aware of the heartbreaking treatment of blacks in the orange groves, etc. There is so much to learn…
I can’t even fathom these things. My heart cries out just reading your words. How can humanity be so cruel? Children. Children! How were we this way? The more I read, the more I am outraged and emboldened to raise my voice for justice. I’ve lived in a privileged bubble for far too long. Thank you for raising yours.
Mindy, welcome to the dangerous journey of speaking out about our country’s four hundred years of dominance and mistreatment.
Thank you – I’m praying for the courage to speak out boldly. The things I’m learning through reading articles, posts and letters are just unbelievable. Blessings to you 🙂
Grateful for all the work you’ve been doing in anti-racism for years. A great teacher to me and many. ❤️
Thank you my passionate and fierce daughter. I love your voice and actions to change the tide of unfairness on this side of heaven.
It’s haunting…but it’s also holy. Thank you for sharing this Becky💛
It is haunting. Thank you. That is a great word for racism. It’s haunting and evil and from the pit of hell. May this time bring wholeness and healing for all humanity. May this be our heart’s cry.
Such a poignant piece, Becky. Your writing draws me in & captures me. I am so thankful that you so freely share your journey. I find myself following your footsteps. It would be so much more difficult to begin untangling these confusing, confounding questions of race & white privilege without a trusted friend to lead the way. God bless you.
Dear Linda, I love that you are following my footsteps. I take this as a huge honor. It is a tangled mess and there are amazing and insightful authors, speakers, and free online resources and movies. We didn’t get the real truth in school!
Becky, I loved picturing young you stomping your foot and glaring at a foolish classmate for mistreating another, I can totally see it! Your fierce advocacy for so many was one of the many things that drew me to you when I first met you, and your steady persistence speaks to the reality that justice is woven into who you are. Keep speaking, your words are challenging and needed to call us all to account for our foolishness.
Janet, thank you for your kind words. I find your words and stories every bit as challenging. You are a thorough woman who seeks justice, joy, and love with how you live and how you write!! I miss you!
“ It is my time to speak of my white privilege and listen to people of color and their experience” I haves heard words in the past but I was not listening … I am committed to have my white privilege… what white fragility challenged and dismantled …I am listening… and to not take action is no longer an option… thank you for using your voice… may the chorus of love drown out the hate!
I arrived at this site from the Allender Center FB page, and I’m glad I followed through. I agree with the lady who has used the word “Haunting” it absolutely is a great description. And if we don’t come to a place of reconciliation and well thought out the solutions we will not move from this place.
I love the article and the questions you asked are genuine and very real for a lot of people. I hope more people will ask those same questions (I wonder) or (what if) thank you for you decision for change.