I imagine God putting a big beautiful and sturdy door on the front of my tender heart. The door is made of the finest cherry wood and engraved with beautiful swirls and intricate details. It is solid and it protects my empathic heart and soul. Outside the door of my heart it says WELCOME! My heart loves the company it keeps and it has a hinge which gives me the power to choose who I allow in and when. This hinge is a gift of discernment that comes from God. Just because I can see a need doesn’t mean it’s mine to tend. My heart feels weary and I’m in need of rest, repair, and care. This is hard for me to admit because sometimes I feel that if I’m not pouring my heart out, I have nothing to give and worse yet, without a heart bleeding out I fear that I am nothing.
There is another beautiful door that God has given to me. This is a back door which reminds me to enter his throne room. As I approach it I feel like a small girl in a beautiful twirling dress. I am excited, like I am holding the “golden ticket.” God invites me to his banquet and calls me to use my strength to push open this inner door and meet with him. He beckons me to sit with him and receive his compassion and care. He longs to tend to the places inside that feel scared, hurt, and weary. In order for me to enter this inner sanctuary in my heart I must keep the outer door shut tightly. It feels like I’m abandoning and failing the ones who have come for my care, but the wisdom of my brilliant mind says “Yes, YES! This is best!” Go inside and sit in the presence of the beloved. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Allow him to fill you up to overflowing, and then choose carefully how YOU want to share the beautiful treasure of heart that he has blessed you with each day.
Go slowly and always remember how deeply you are loved!
As I have sat with the image of the door, God continues to speak to me and allow me to see the ways that I resist his love and care. I am claiming abundance over every area of my life yet there is resistance and fear. Being small and powerless feels comfortable and familiar and being large and in charge feels terrifying. I have vowed against my power and it has kept me bound for too long. Power when used with wisdom and discernment is good. It brings justice and peace to the kingdom of God. I am learning to use my power to throw open the door and receive more of God’s amazing grace, divine guidance, and extravagant love. Once I receive the gift I feel like I have the golden ticket and run with eager expectancy out through the front door to share the gifts of his love with a lost and weary world. Life requires balance. The balance of having two doors is an invitation to remember that we cannot give what we haven’t received. As we humbly acknowledge our need and open our hands and heart to receive the fullness of the blessing given, then we have something real, a treasure worth more than gold to bring forward. Let it be so!
Jean Masukevich is a trauma sensitive yoga teacher and integrative coach with over 20 years of teaching experience. Her mission is to guide others to greater mind, body, Spirit integration and connection to their authentic self. She cultivates communities of care where individuals and groups heal and share their hearts and stories through movement, writing, meditation, integrative prayer, creativity, and the sacred art of listening. Jean holds an advanced certificate in grief and trauma from the Allender Center of the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, and is a certified Spiritual Director through Sustainable Faith. Jean serves both children and adults and is available for in person and remote coaching. Contact her at Sowthatjean@gmail.com.