Unless you air your laundry, divorce in the church is as isolating as a child’s temper tantrum during the Sunday morning service.
When my husband of 27 years suddenly and unexpectedly left, it was weeks before my large-church-pastors noticed I was missing from Sunday morning services. And even weeks more before someone called to check in.
I can’t blame them. I didn’t reach out. I was busy. I was inhaling and exhaling, managing shame, scrounging for hope, paying bills, and depositing what little emotional reserves I had to care for my devastated daughters, reeling family members, and befuddled friends. I was too busy facing the disappointment of opening my eyes in the morning, realizing that God hadn’t granted my nightly plea to take me in my sleep because I didn’t know how to live this way.
There were so many things I didn’t know about how to go through an unexpected divorce. There is no YouTube video, no manual, no to-do list for how to do it well. Yet, the one thing I did learn is that you won’t get a casserole from church when you’re in the middle of burying a marriage.
I realized this after the fact. A year after my husband left and before the divorce was final, my dear church friend lost her husband to a sudden heart attack.
Here is the thing I learned when Joe died that I hadn’t even thought about when my husband dropped off the face of the earth. There are dozens of casseroles in the church freezer.
When Joe died, the church stepped up big for Sue. She had meals for months while she figured out how to manage the house and budget by herself. She had lawn boys, free electricians, and pro bono mechanics when her cars broke down. She received hundreds of cards from church friends – we watched them overflow her mailbox. Women came to clean her house. Strangers did her laundry and folded her towels. And not one person asked what she could have done differently to avoid Joe’s death or suggested that things would get better because some new man would snatch her up in a second.
I am so glad. I love her and am grateful for each person who stepped in to meet her in her grief and need. One time, she gave me an extra casserole because her freezer was full. It was really tasty and I ate it for days after we wryly talked together about the differences in our experiences of the death of a marriage. We both acknowledged the casserole rules. The church didn’t give divorce casseroles – except for the one she gave me.
The very next summer, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I learned that you do get casseroles for breast cancer. Elders visit, people pray, your name gets mentioned from the pulpit. People call, email, and send cards. They rake your leaves.
I was grateful, although a bit bewildered. During those six months of diagnosis, surgery, and radiation treatments, I never once prayed for God to take me during the night, I never cried myself to sleep over breast cancer, never imagined what I did wrong to be so unworthy. There was no shame. Each morning, I was happy to open my eyes. Sometimes, I even longed for the phone and doorbell to stop ringing. I got free yard work for weeks. And, I got lots and lots of casseroles.
To be clear, this isn’t about a church, it’s about the Church. My church tried in the best way they knew how. I don’t blame them for any inconsistencies. I had never noticed them before either.
We can’t know our blind spots by seeing them, we must feel them.
It’s complicated, isn’t it? As people of faith, we are very good at meeting people in times of death and illness. There are no judgments around these things, and we do not need discernment about who was in the wrong. We don’t have to wonder about whether one’s grief is deserving of a casserole. The rules about other human conditions are not so clear. Casseroles for the death of a marriage? For a mental breakdown? For rehab? How can we know whose fault it is? We all learned that God’s favor falls on those who follow God’s good rules. Maybe then, it’s just best if we offer a sympathetic side-eye and let the chips fall. There are rules, after all.
Or maybe the rules are just misunderstood. Maybe, loving our neighbor is a rule that means need is need, and grief is grief, and a casserole is the love of God made real for all who suffer- no matter the cause. Maybe.
Jill English is an avid encourager of humans and lover of words. She is most at home out-of-doors, and in particular, while walking any beach. Her most magical moments involve being Grammy to two remarkable grandchildren, and Mom to their lucky parents. As a discerner of call in higher theological education, her favorite conversations involve connecting the sacred dots of every-day life and faith. Jill lives in Grand Rapids, MI with two small, elderly pups.
Jill, your words here are sensitive and discerning—delicately cutting through the double-mindedness and blindness of unspoken “rules”. Brilliant. I am blessed to have spent time in your presence. 💜 Christine
Thank you, Christine. The feeling is mutual <3
When my daughter went to rehab, came home and subsequently overdosed and spent a weekend in ICU I sat alone with her in the hospital for 3 days. (Husband was our of the country trying to get back). Now I didn’t announce this to the world but the world sure did know about it as the ambulances cam to my house and my busybody neighborhood ALL KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON. I had no phone calls, texts, nothing. Even from close friends who knew what was happening. No one wanted to touch it. Addiction isn’t a casserole disease. Neither is what you went through. It’s starts with us to change that narrative. Thank you for such a wonderful piece
I was very blessed when my husband of 25 years walked out. My marriage had been murdered and I still had a daughter at home. I had gone back to college and our youngest was still in high school. No one brought casseroles; however, I had deacons that came and chopped firewood, repaired a light fixture, and removed a dead opossum from the attic. There dear wives hugged my neck, and listened to me cry, and sat with me in the pews. I understand my experience was unique and I was blessed. I told a pastor friend about what was happening and he replied, “God sent you a whole team!!” He was right. God sent His Church to hold my hand and bear my burdens. I was/am blessed and highly favored.
This is beautifully written Jill, you’ve addressed one of the core issues in the church today and you’ve done it so full of empathy, wisdom and grace. Do you by any chance offer ghostwriting services?
Beautiful. Thanks for writing this. It cuts right to the truth, and it is hard to talk truth about the church. Blessings to you.
Jill, A casserole, though just a dish of food, is so much more when given as a gesture of caring. Thank you for your honesty and courage as you shared parts of your story with us. Sacred. Powerful. Welcome. Refreshing.
This is so true. We don’t give the support people need in times of sadness and trouble when people are hurting in all situations other than death and illness.
Yes! Beautifully said. As a mental health advocate (due to my family’s experience of living with mental illness), this truth needs to be shared. As you said, the rules aren’t always clear so we need to educate others about welcoming in the uncomfortable places.
Jill, you have spoken truth. I think divorce is so taboo in the Church that we haven’t learned how to talk about and live one another through it. Thank you — your post is a casserole for my soul!
Thank you for speaking such truth void of contempt.
I think it depends on the church. When my child was hospitalized for depression, we made the decision to share our struggles with our congregation. Honestly, we were hoping for prayers. What we got was so much more. Calls and texts and visits. People sharing similar struggles. One woman organized a small gift basket for our teen, and it overflowed with kind, thoughtful items to show they loved and cared. It was amazing and overwhelming and wonderful. Months later, people still check in. I was humbled to see the body of Christ in action.
I love this. Too often we hear how the church “fails”. My husband is a pastor and I know the criticism that is said when we don’t meet an expectation but many times the need was not made known. People don’t want to pry so if we are not willing to share, we may walk that road alone.
This is magnificent.
Thank you for addressing a problem that few people think about except those of us who have lived it. The death of a marriage through unexpected divorce renders the survivor no less a shell-shocked and grief-stricken widow than when a husband has died. The moral ambivalence about whether a person is “deserving” of the casserole treatment or whether the person deserves only the “sympathetic side-eye” amplifies the shame and pain of a failed marriage.
For that reason, I cried my eyes out for months at a different church, where I knew no one and didn’t have to explain myself. For that reason, I lost 2 of my dearest Christian friends, who put their judgment ahead of my pain and my needs. Jesus did just the opposite. He came not to condemn the world, but to save us, exquisitely showing kindness and compassion beyond measure. He showed the “love of God to all who suffer,” whether it be the woman to be stoned or the woman who touched the hem of his garment in faith. Thank you Jill, for putting into gentle words what I have longed to write about.
You articulated a deep truth in such a forthright way. And it poked my heart with deep conviction. How often do I falter in love because the recipient doesn’t fit a custom category? Thank you, friend.
We all have so much to learn, right? Thank you for letting your heart be poked. Love to you!
I am so sorry for each of your losses, Susan. My heart breaks over the loss of your friends, yet is encouraged by your faith in Jesus and vision for others who suffer. I am also grateful for your kind words. I am learning that so many have felt the sting of rejection in the one place where pain should be held with love and grace. The reaction to this piece sheds light on the reality that we may need to speak more boldly to allow the faith community to learn so we can be the Church Jesus envisioned for those who’s loss, pain, and social status don’t fit into society’s neat boxes. Faith and love are messy things, aren’t they?
Thank you for your transparency. I too changed churches because no one knew me there, cried for months feeling very alone trying to make sense of it all with my three sons, and always feeling like Cain whom carried a mark; mine was a large D, and everyone saw and knew.
Jill, your thoughts are enlightening. I hope they will spread to many.
I left the “c”hurch for different reasons. There are many situations where the rules shift based on circumstances. That ‘Love’ thing goes out the window when things get too messy. Genuine believers are confused and misled.
I’ve also come to realize there is evil in a lot churches-across all denominations- which fools & rules under the guise of good.
We were warned so many times to beware of the tricks & schemes of the evil one. I was one of many led astray by right-sounding wrong doctrine and impossible standards.
On planet earth, evil wears human skin. Inconsistencies, such as those you point out, are symptoms of a much greater problem.
This is also true of mental illness and the church/Church. Having a seriously mentally ill family member is as isolating as your experience with divorce.
AMEN and again I say AMEN
I’m so sorry you know this, Lucinda. I’m lifting you up to Jesus right now.
I can relate to what you’ve said, Karen. When our son had his first mental breakdown, another young man in our church (the same age as our son) contracted terminal cancer. I observed our church body rally around this family in a beautifully supportive way. Not to criticize my church, or minimize the pain that the other family had to go through watching their son die from cancer, but I remember feeling somewhat confused and neglected as I sat painfully in the pew in agony week after week with barely anyone at church knowing what we were going through. I wondered if my son had been suffering from a physical illness instead of a mental illness, would they have rallied around us also? Like divorce, mental illness can be a hush-hush subject in the church. But the pain and feeling of isolation is very real in each case.
There were so many examples of these “distinctions” in the church that I left.
Certainly they made a distinction between divorce and death of a spouse.
But worse, they would make a distinction between natural death or death by suicide.
Even worse those whose child, brother, friend was taken by suicide were treated differently than one taken by natural causes.
Legalism leaving people without a safe haven to go to after such a traumatic event is deplorable.
It is in fact an evil thing to leave anyone out in the cold, regardless of the circumstances of their grief.
This was such a great reminder to be mindful of Jesus’s mandate to convey love and support in practical ways to anyone who’s struggling.
Thank you, Jill
Jill… excellent article!! I have never known the pain of divorce until my niece was blown out of the water when her husband walked out …leaving her with 3 small boys … one being 6 weeks old! I am not sure there is anything harder on this earth than single parenting!!! I didn’t know this… until I had the honour of being in the trenches with her for years… I can’t imagine losing my husband through a divorce or through death… both are a death… both are full of pain… but the physical death… like you said… doesn’t put you in the shame cycle… the what if’s circles… and all the wondering from other people … how did they get here? The Church needs your voice and the voice of others who can speak truth into this much need space!
This post made me cry.
Made me wanna stock
My freezer with casseroles for any and everyone who hurts and needs someone to show they care. Wow. I haven’t read something so real for awhile. Thank you from the bottom of my freezer, I mean, heart!
Been there 18yrs two children and one day gone . . . No casserole.. Amazing article, (and agree with writer no blame) but oh man, for this kind of divorce l can speak to .. every word is true and everything (lawn Care oil change meals ect) was so needed. In an instant you go from wife/mom to IT. . . all, while grieving but this grief comes with shame.
So beautifully written, full of grace and wisdom – and what an important message. I’m grateful to have read it, I have walked a similar path – a painful divorce and later a cancer diagnosis. God’s grace has allowed me another day, and I plan to make a LOT of casseroles while I can.
A little louder for those in the back….
THANK YOU!!! I have actually said, you don’t get a casserole for divorce. This conversation needs to be had. It almost felt like people thought it may be contagious. We have to do better.
Thanks for sharing!
The rules definitely can get complicated can’t they? I would have hoped that a personal friend would have brought over something when your hubby left suddenly – even if it isn’t in the church’s policy. Divorced is an issue that is so complicated that I suppose most churches don’t actually want to “go there”.
I can’t believe we are STILL having this conversation “in this day & age.” In 1974, I was a newly widowed mother of a little boy. I was 27 years old & my late husband was 32. Several months after his death, I was introduced to an elder of the church, who, in the course of our conversation, asked if I was married. When I told her I was a widow (I was still stumbling over “that title”), the next words out of her mouth were: “Are you a sod widow or a paper widow.” I had no idea what she meant & when I asked her, she explained since no woman wants to be divorced, she calls herself a widow. As if there is more “honor” in that?? But, it went to show the stigma even the church placed on the reason why a person was alone.
Diana, I want so much to say “unbelievable” except that I know this to be so. I was raised in the traditional Baptist church. You just described that body of “believers” to a T.
Jill, thank you so much for writing this. My marriage of 27 years ended August 2018. It was not my choice and I was devastated. I have learned that God has a plan and a purpose and that ANY situation can be used for His glory. Just exactly as you have done. So, we move forward, and try to share our experience, strength and hope with God’s kids. Blessings and wishes for love, joy and peace.
Could this be translated into Spanish? I’d love to share, but of the elders and adults in my church are Spanish speakers. This is an awesome read.
It was the same when my husband lost his job due to company layoffs. People ask how the job hunt is, but after a few weeks even that stops. No one brought food or anything. My husband is a good worker and a good man that relentlessly looked for work in a bad economy. People said “why don’t you just get a cheap paint job?” But if you take a job that pays you lose any unemployment benefits. And those menial jobs paid less than what little bit we were getting on unemployment. It was a horrible vicious cycle and no one reached out to help or even express concern.
I’m like you I don’t blame our church for what happened, people didn’t know how to handle it. But it was a hurtful enough thing and we felt so left out and neglected that we finally moved out of the area and back in with my parents for a few months. Thankfully, he found work in our old hometown within a short time. But during that time he was laid off we struggle to pay our bills and towards the end even struggled to buy food. I never once expected the church to take care of our bills or food, but it would have been so nice to have someone really reach out to us.
I’m really sorry for what you went through, divorce is such a hurtful painful process and other should have been there for you.
Excellent! Very thought-provoking. The church needs this conversation. Thank you for starting it.
When my son died of brain cancer at 3 years old, we were flooded with support during his sickness and after his death. And his death was painful, but I could not stop thinking that a divorce must be more painful than death, because with divorce, on top of the pain of separation is the pain of active, personal rejection.
The power of your words is strengthened because you appear not to be carrying a grudge, or bitterness. You speak words of understanding for those who haven’t seen the other side, And you are sharing because you genuinely want to help, not vent anger.
And you acknowledge the complication that people hesitate to become engaged because there is potential for judgment. No one judges a death. But there is always fault to be found somewhere when there is a broken relationship, and it can be scary to get involved because we may discover that the “innocent” party turns out to be more “guilty” than we knew.
Everyone should wrestle with your concluding words: “Maybe… a casserole is the love of God made real for all who suffer–no matter the cause.” Yes, God’s grace is for everyone. But I still struggle with this question: Did your ex-husband also deserve casseroles? I want to say, “No, he didn’t.” But as soon as I say that, I have allowed judgment back into the picture. So I think you are not arguing for “no judgment.” We should use “right judgment.” Which means we have to get involved, as scary as that can be.
Thoughts?
Thank you for your kind words. I have thought about this often and would say, “yes.” He did deserve casseroles. His heart was just as broken and in need of healing..
I left. And my spouse ran the “PR department.” Some chose to listen to him; many walked with me. The church is us. And I learned who my friends are. As my mother said, “No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.” God help us all.
Waiting for the hindsight of the betrayal should be the thermometer by which the “Casserole” should be served. With my story, I was livid when the church where my husband pastored…terminated him for unknown reasons… or so I thought, until I found out 9 years later, that an affair had been going on since “day one” of our 23 yr marriage. They knew the affair was going on while I was kept in the dark. I was keeping the home fires warm while minding our small children. Yes. Life becomes messy. Snd yed! Thr church dhould have stepped in for ME, embraced me, while they should ave brought revelation of his affair. As it was, I was onslaughted with phone call after phone call of church membrrs calling me… asking me why the church wanted to terminate him… I asked him constantly, and I never got a straight answer. The church should be straight forward to the innocent party if they have straight up proof of infidelity. As it is in many cases, the innocent party is shunned just as hard as the guilty… because no one wants to “interfere”, but I fully believe the chuch should embrace the broken-hearted…as God teaches in Psalm 37:18. Was I guilty? Not to that extent.
I was married 20 years to a pastor who had an affair and left myself and our daughter age 17 and son age 13. We lost everything in one fell swoop. Our home (the parsonage) our livelihood (jobs) our church, friends. Everything gone. In an instant. If he had died our denomination would have rallied around us and provided for certain things. Since he merely walked away we were on our own. Starting over with literally nothing. I’m sorry you suffered the same loss and pain. It’s never easy and I never thought about the casserole rules until I read your story. Thank you for sharing and for opening our eyes to how we can better serve others.
Well said! Four years ago I broke my leg and not one person for my Sunday school class brought me anything except for three weeks later when they were shame to by another person in the church. This is after I have spent many times bringing food to families in my Sunday school and in my church who experienced illness or death or some other kind of lost. I also don’t fit the typical intact family the church seems to hold on a pedestal. These conversations need to take place if church is to truly minister to those who are in need. That’s why I left my church and I am now involved with an online church that is trying to do things differently.
So well said. Thank you for prompting a look at these unseen “rules.” I hope to be more REAL and less RULE-based. And to acknowledge that GRIEF is GRIEF. Without judgment. Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing.
This is so good and powerful I had to read it twice in one day. Then share it on my Facebook page and admonish the Church to show up for her people, for OUR people.
Wow—eye opener. After my divorce, I never felt more alone and would have appreciated a casserole or two, or a play date for my 2-yo child. How odd we treat divorces this way. I will be more attentive to others and share more casseroles.
Wow what a great reflexión about life and it’s different colours and tastes!!
May God help us to reach those ones in need no matter what.
Fwiw, mental illnesses and I carcerations don’t rate casseroles either.
I’m part of a “Cigars & Scriptures” men’s Bible study. We spent Sunday evening wrestling with Luke 10 and the question “who is my neighbor?” The insights in your article are both timely and spot on. Thanks for a well-written challenge to “do better”. Will be sharing your article in multiple ways.
Did you ever strike a wounded infected nerve.
And how many of us secretly suffer. Please keep writing.
…profound!
Thank you so much for articulating this so well. When someone dies so much support is given and I would argue that divorce is worse than death. Divorce keeps on giving, casting aspersions and separating families for decades to come.
I too was abandoned by my husband after 5 years. It was the worst thing I’ve faced in my life yet. We are a real minority (<5% of marriages end with sudden unexpected abandon – no rhyme or reason given) and there is little information out there for us. However I learned so much through it all – the gift I’m most grateful for is the new impulse to wrap my arms around those who are facing spousal separation or betrayal or abandonment and acknowledge the deep grief and pain involved. A very meaningful resource for me was “Runaway Husbands” by Vikki Stark. I agree the Church ministers so differently in various situations – all humans look for black and white answers in complex situations.
What a great perspective shifter! I have reached out to many people with “casseroles” in time of need and you have opened my eyes to another need in which we can “walk across the room” and show some love to someone in need. Thank you for sharing your story!
I wonder if the church office was notified of the need for help? I know you feel like everybody knows your business but, unless you reach out to them they can not know how to help. Sometimes, members take offense to a church member acting on hear say (gossip). There is a fine line that exists. I went through a bit of a rough time a few years back when I had 4 major surgeries in 12 months. I did not want a casserole! I did not want people wandering in and out of my house. I was sick. I didn’t want to be dressed and prepared for guest! But, thankfully my friends ( who are also my church people) were aware of my situation and were very supportive of me! There was no public announcement made at church regarding my business. Only my friends knew.
All that to say, become a part of your church family. Really get involved in the lives of your church family. Let your church family be your friends! Then, they ( your church family friends ) will know how to help you in your times of need. And, as a bonus, you will know how to help them too!
Jill Wallace, my husband of 12 years also left unexpectedly. We were both very involved in our church. He taught a class. I served in the children’s ministry. We attended Life Group (a Bible study group that included couples and their children) once a week. I provided food when friends had babies or were sick. It was the typical church family that you are describing. When my husband left, I was dropped and so were my kids. There were no casseroles sent to my home or playdates for my 4 kids. I had 3 friends within the church that were there for me, but the majority of the church was MIA. My Life Group asked me to leave, because my divorce was awkward and uncomfortable for them. I met with the preacher and members of his staff. They knew my situation, but didn’t get involved in any way. We can’t continue to put the blame on those going through the divorce… if only she had been more involved, if only she had more friends in the church, if only she had reached out to the right people in the church. The major point of the article is to call out that there is a need for the church to step up and show love. They need to educate their leaders on these tough subjects and show love by example.
Kim…Your life group asked you to leave?!? ARGHHHH!!! Makes me wanna use some choice words. I’m so sorry. What are people THINKING?!?
I had an “unexpected divorce “ 39 years ago. It is complete devastation. My church was “uneasy” talking to me after that happened….sort of like being invisible…and no casseroles, cards or phone calls. It added even more grief to my life. I hope today’s church is able to see people in that situation as wounded and needing some care.
I have experienced both . Death of my first marriage , years later death of my husband. What you say is 100% correct. Since I’ve walked both roads I have a heart especially for women and children deserted by husbands and fathers. When your spouse dies the church surrounds you with love ,prayers, food, offers of help in any way , always concerned how you’re doing etc,etc. Divorce? crickets. A very , very frightening, lonely time especially when you’re left with young children and virtually no money.
I pray that I may have a “casserole heart”.
I can hardly speak. Sometimes I don’t want my “story”, but many times I love being able to lift others with that God has encouraged me with, as you have done. Life can be tough, but Jesus is sweeter! He walked with me and taught me so much. Thanks for sharing!!
Back in the early 80’s I found myself separated with a three year old son. He and I moved to a new city to be closer to my job. I searched for a church in our new community only to find that none were interested in a young divorcee with a small child. I received many quick glances before, during and after each service but not one member of any of the churches welcomed me to their service. I felt rejected, again. I stopped looking for a church and surrounded my son and I with new friends who enriched our lives with their love and support. My friends were my true gift from God. I have never returned to the Church but have spent my life trying to help others through tough times.
When my husband left after 28 years of marriage, there were no casseroles. I have told countless people I was going to write a book about divorce entitled “There Were No Casseroles.” Thank you for addressing this in your article. I know it’s not an intentional thing and it is difficult for friends and family to know what to say or do, put the pain of the situation is so intense. I fell into a state of depression, which further pushed others away. We can all learn to be more sensitive to “casserole worthy” events in the lives of others. I grew more attentive through my own experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was married 36 years & 8 months when my husband walked away from me. It was worse than a death. I felt so alone & the shame of it all was the hardest to carry. My ex was a pastor & I also felt like I was Cain with a big D on my chest & forehead. It was so difficult. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I lost my identity. I went from being 1st. Lady to divorced lady….bad person. One person even said if you’d been a good wife you would not be divorced. So unkind & not true. I had no choice in the decision. I look back & wonder how I survived because all I did was cry. Now I realize the tears were not a waste. I learned thru the process that Jesus was my best friend & I could trust him. & even tho one person betrays you & rejects you Jesus never will & you are valuable to him. JESUS took such good care of me. My friends didn’t know what to say or how to help me. We definitely need to learn how to care for the hurting better in this area & restoration & healing is possible but it takes time & lots of love. I thank you for sharing. It’s something we need to improve on for sure.
Enjoyed the read and could relate to much of it. When my husband dies 13 years ago, we had so many “casseroles” we gave food to the firemen, shelters, etc. After what seemed a short while, the fervor died down and people faded back into their “normal” lives. Most of “our” old friends dropped me as if I had the plague. I was no longer included in the date night dinners, football tailgates, game nights, group vacations, etc. My calendar became so empty I finally quit keeping one. Not much of that has changed. We widows can often lead a lonely, lengthy life “husbandless.” We are often labeled the fifth wheel, the elephant in the room, the predator looking for a husband. I’m none of these and have moved on to make friends with other single women with common interest. I do miss the good ole days.
Thank you for this reminder to keep my eyes and heart open to ALL casserole needs, not just the traditional. I loved reading it and hope to be more like Jesus. He would bring a casserole.
They don’t send casseroles to the court house. 😍
Check out DivorceCare.org
Any organization can order their video/workbook series and run it. I’ve been a leader for the past couple of years and it is a huge help to those who are hurting from separation or divorce.
Here is something I noticed, too. When I adopted my daughter from Haiti, there were no showers or cards or much of anything, but when I birthed my other daughter, so many people showed up for the shower, we could barely fit them in my house. I have also been through a divorce with no casseroles and breast cancer with an outpouring of food and love. It is strange how it all works, and I think you would never notice unless you have experienced it firsthand. Thanks for sharing.
As someone who just lost her husband of 21 years…..I call horse crap. Where are these mythical casseroles. I got 2 meals brought to my house. Nobody cleaned my house. Nobody came to see me afterwards….except my best friend and a couple others once or twice. My own family didn’t even come to the hospital when I had to take life support off of my husband and actively watch him die over a 4 day period and had to be alone in agony, sobbing from the depths of my soul, hugging his dead body for 3 hours because nobody could come be with me. Please direct me to the correct place because obviously I didn’t get the memo. Please think about your words and the fact that while your husband may be a first class jerk to you….he still breathes. He still gets to walk a daughter down the aisle….hold grandkids….be there for your children.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved partner, and for the pain and grief you must walk through, Jennifer. I wish I could bring a meal and some comfort to you today.
Wow, Jennifer’s post (Sept. 19, 1:14 a.m.) is powerful. There are many different ways people suffer, and some of them are almost impossible for another person to understand.