I Am Not a Dimmer Switch

I am letting go of everything that no longer serves me.

How many times have we whispered or even screamed into the pillow with hot tears strolling down our faces in full determination to do so? I lost track of the times. But this time, I meant it.

Two of my life coaches are males and they’ve been adamant that I give too much, care too much, share too much, and love too hard. I was encouraged to “get surgical” and cut people, things, thoughts, and patterns out of my life that were negative. I started cutting faster than the most skillful seamstress. I cut so many things out and yes, even people—not that anything was wrong with them, but more so that God became the Physician.

Shedding… that’s a natural thing for women. Also, whatever a woman births, she has to nurse. What do you do when the things, thoughts, people, and ideas that you’ve birthed no longer need your constant attention? I have friends that refer to themselves as spiritual midwives. They help other women push out what God has placed in them.

Sitting around a bonfire, a group of women I meet with wrote down every situation that we wanted to rid ourselves of. Into the crackling flames they went. Some of us cheered, others wept over the courage we didn’t know we had to finally honor our words to ourselves. We all hugged each other in an embrace of sisterhood and silent understanding.

I look around today and see so many strong women who I’ve never seen before. I’m sure it was because I was busy helping men see their potential and helping them achieve it. You know, Ezer, “the help?” That was me. But that is no longer me.

My cousin is a Pastor. As life would have it, prior to us becoming aware that we were related, he asked his wife to get my permission to contact me. He had something urgent to tell me years ago: “Natasha, I’m not even going to say that God told me to tell you this: Stop casting vision on grown and lazy men!” I don’t know how he saw my sacrifices and struggles in the background, slaving away, but I was glad that he did.

How long have I cheated my sisters of the gifts resident within me?

Years. That ended three years ago. Off the leash, off the breast, and off the sofa. While I appreciate men’s trust in my gifts, I purposely moved them to a place where others could expand them on a more consistent, conscious, and compassionate level. That felt good. It feels even better today.

Hands up for “Me Too.”

Sister, your light is an ocular opportunity to grab another woman’s arm and help her cross over into her destiny. Don’t dim it for him or them. Be that bridge. Either they will join forces in sincerity, or accept the Savior’s scissors. It is with profound gratitude that I sit here today, watching Brave Girl Rising, surrounded by a group of earth angels of all persuasions with two things: Paper and a Plan.

Free yourself from the prison of thinking that “you must do this and you must do that” for the sake of image. Whose image are you protecting? Will they protect you, or leave you at the “altar” of their assignments while they go entertain atrocities? Not all men are like that. Use discernment. You may get bruised, but you will not be broken. If God allows you to break down, you have to trust His reconstruction plan.

Jesus doesn’t need image protection. Remember, He was quite unsightly at Calvary. What He desires is that you read Matthew chapter 1 again and find yourself in it and walk this prickly yet passionate path out with Him… and your sisters who are brave enough to say with grace and grit: ENOUGH.

For the men that will read this, here is a quote for you on behalf of all women with whom you deal with on any basis:

Don’t walk in front of me–
I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me–
I may not lead
Walk beside me–
And just be my friend.

-Camus

Where did Eve get her rib? From the side. Clap off? No, Clap ON! Cheering for every woman who gets it.


Natasha Stevens is passionate about humanitarian efforts ranging from empowering girls and women through education, writing, counseling, and speaking engagements, to hands on mission work in various places, including the eradication of forced child labor and early marriage through human trafficking. She loves a hearty laugh in summer gardens as much as a healthy bowl of oats in winter. She enjoys interacting with people from all walks of life, giving back where needed, and ministering the love and grace of Jesus without a title.