It was the fall of 1976, and it is likely I was wearing a “wrap skirt” that day when I showed up to help with hot lunch at the small Christian Reformed grade school where my children had recently started attending. In that kitchen, making hot dogs, I met Barb for the first time. Her signature smile and warm sense of humor were so welcoming, and it didn’t take long for us to realize that we were “soul siblings”. Our sweet friendship grew over those years our children attended school together and eventually we could finish each other’s sentences and complete thoughts – unspoken!!
Our friendship was a mutually joyful, trusting, admiring and filled with the sisterly love we shared. My husband and I took our 50th Anniversary Alaskan Cruise with Barb and her husband, Chuck. Our priceless friendship lasted for 38 years before she entered heaven just a few years ago. I think of her everyday and I grieve the loss of our friendship, but not without hope, because I know I will see my dear friend again in heaven.
In May I will see my 79thbirthday. I have seen many seasons come and go and in those seasons I’ve experienced what blossoms, builds, matures and remains; and I’ve also weathered hard seasons marked by death and loss. Honestly, the older I get, the more people I anticipate the sweet reunions heaven holds!
Inevitably, as seasons come and go the question arises, “what if I had taken the other road” instead of the one chosen? For some of us there are emotions of regret or guilt, frustration or sadness of how our choices worked out.
I find for myself that what draws my heart and compels me is always tied to relationships. At this point in my own journey I have lived through the loss of relationships never healed or mended, sights not seen and adventures missed. And at the same time I have tasted over and over the sweet fruit of life-long friendship, continued intimacy with my husband, deepening closeness with my children and joyful goodness with my grandchildren.
The reality I now understand is that while we have influence on our relational “crops” they are not completely under our control.
The contents of my relationships are both fragile and resilient, and this truth has strengthened my faith.
There have been times I felt that relationships were lost, when in fact they were only in need of some water and cultivation. Others, have weathered storms with hurricane force winds and have stood strong. I find I am both grateful and amazed at God’s faithfulness.
As I sit on the edge of nearly 80 years of this earth I have learned that for me what has been most important in every season is my relationships as follows:
- My own soul.
- My soul mate.
- My Children
- Other people ( family, and others)
By embracing those four things I have experienced such blessing, and I believe the same could be true for you too.
Pat Sloan was born and raised in Arizona where she still lives today with her husband of 56 years, John. Together they were on staff with The Navigators for 30 years. She is a bible teacher, mentor, disciple maker, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. In 2016 she survived a stroke and now holds even more deeply that every minute is a gift. She loves caramel lattes, finding the perfect gift for those she loves, and spending time with her husband, family and dear friends.
I’m so grateful to hear your perspective and rich wisdom that has been gathered over a lifetime. Thank you.
Pat, this is beautiful and made me smile from the first line about the wrap skirt, which my mom wore with her Dr. Scholls exercise sandals. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for boldly blazing the trail for those on the path behind. Your words are a gift.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts from the perspective of a life lived in relationship. I too have seen the faithfulness of God and the fragility yet resilience of relationships that are not under our control but only to be tended by faith in Him. I love your wisdom.
In the end, it really comes down to the relationships we have with others doesn’t it? I’m always amazed at how God continually weaves people in and out of our lives – some seemingly stay forever and some but for a season – but much needed and appreciated in that particular season.
The line, “The reality I now understand is that while we have influence on our relational “crops” they are not completely under our control,” struck me. It brought to mind the relationship of David and Jonathan in the Bible. An unlikely friendship that became an unbreakable and much needed bond. God….He’s always looking out for His own. Blessings to you, Pat, and thank you for writing.
Great tips for all of us younger than you who feel like we are drowning in the drama of life some days. Yes, there will be ups and downs but the ups can be so glorious. As for friendships, that’s a hard one right now. I’m in a season of no close friendships and that’s hard but it will work out one day.
Oh Pat, you name so well the “fragile and resilient” paradox. I have seen you lean into relationships with more openness in your heart. I am grateful to know you.
Joanna
I, too, have started considering the “roads not taken” with a sense of wonder and curiosity. But, the great gift of aging (to me) is accepting what is and embracing what really matters.