Daily I listen to the rhythmic motion of the waves as they exhaust themselves onto the shoreline. The squawking of crows gathering on the bluff interrupts their sound yet their destination remains the same. Nothing can throw those waves off course…they roll in day after day…steadfast, persistent and purposeful. They bring beauty no matter how they arrive…whether thundering in like galloping stallions, or so mellow, it is like they are tiptoeing across the shore. No matter how they roll in I love their consistency and surrender.
I have been thinking just how I, too, surrender into the beauty of my life, in particular, into the beauty of my day. It is difficult to do that because I automatically return to the first time I assaulted my beauty. It was in my bedroom…I was 17 years old and had just heard my father say I was getting fat. I doubled up my fist and began to pound repeatedly on my belly with hopes it would get smaller or disappear completely. It turned red, it hurt, and it got bruised. This was the beginning of the daily attack my beauty would endure for years to come.
But God…yes God had other plans for my beauty. Those plans unfold for me as I am learning what it means to surrender my beauty to Him. Like those waves I can exhaust myself striving to find a place to land. It requires me not only to surrender my beauty, but also to surrender my truth and to surrender my heart. I am seeing more clearly how this can play out on a daily basis. And just to be fair, I will give you a couple examples.
Some days the attack on my beauty rolls in as the number on the scales loom large. Did I gain 2 pounds? My weight has the power to throw me into a tailspin as my eyes distort the image of me in the mirror. In that moment my beauty takes a hit as I try to figure out what I should or should not eat next? Or do I exercise more? Do I fast? I become single focused. My word shrinks and God shrinks, too. All these are futile control tactics to lock down my heart and to measure my worth.
Another way my beauty comes under attack is when I withhold my truth. Now that may sound innocent…I thought it did until someone named it for what it was…lying by omission. So what does that have to do with my beauty? It means I am hiding my heart, I am protecting myself and I not being truthful with others. Sadly, I know exactly when I am doing this very thing. Again I am measuring my truth, I am playing small and I believe I know better than God.
But God…holds my beauty in those moments and He knows my heart. All my self-sufficiency surrenders to Him as I listen to the consistency of His voice and His love for me. He knows I desire to be like those waves: steadfast, persistent and purposeful. He knows my surrender may be rebellious as a runaway stallion or easygoing as I mellow with age. He sees my beauty no matter how I show-up.
My hope is that you, too, will surrender to the beauty He holds for you. I invite you to join me as the waves carry you through life knowing that there is a destination waiting on the shore for you to rest in the beauty of the ride.
 
Mary Jane Hamilton has grown to love her sense of style and her peaceful lake living. Mother of 2 and grandmother of 6, she has a wonderful capacity to love and is still active as The Tooth Fairy. She is extremely fond of her dachshunds, who rarely venture from her lap, and enjoys biking with her husband of 44 years. She is rekindling her writing skills and finding it life giving.
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Oh Mary Jane you touch me in do many ways with your words What a gift god has given to you and what a joy it is to look into your very soul. And what an old and wise soul it is.
I miss you, my friend…thank you for your support and love.
Such a lovely invitation to surrender to beauty. I wish it wasn’t so hard…and it was good to be reminded our surrender may look different at times, just like the waves. Thank you!
Thank you, Janet…I wish it was easier as well. Today I feel pretty relaxed into my beauty…could it be in anticipation of a good hair cut? More so I am resting in consistency and reflecting…
“Rest in the beauty of the ride.” Thank you for the beauty of your words and your heart to share truth and hope.
Looking forward to this ride for a few more years…let’s ride together:)
Mary Jane, so affirming to know the number on a scale can distort your image of your value as it can mine. I don’t feel so alone in this deceptive evaluating of oneself. Love how you are tackling this lie by resting in your beauty and your honesty to be open.
Thank you, Valerie. Look forward to seeing you soon!
Dear Mary Jane, you truly DO surrender to beauty. I love how you tell your story with honesty. Your calling to speak of eating disorders is similiar to my husband’s calling to always speak about sexual abuse. Thank you for standing strong and as a beacon of hope and healing to those who struggle. Most of all, I love how you love Jesus.
What a great way to remind us of the experiences that we have encountered as parents.
The ride wasn’t always easy and it was an adventure to be had…..called life.