It was another New Year’s Eve and my husband and I were excited to get into bed before 9:00. We actually feel proud of this feat, but I have to admit, we were for the third or fourth year in a row ill. It seems our bodies are not suited for winter international travel and the rigors of long flights. The good news, we made it through Christmas before we felt our throats and lungs betray us.
In the Pacific Northwest the rains are constant and the darkness extreme. I rejoiced in knowing I didn’t have to go anywhere. I tried to be a good sport about being sick. I was a good patient and slept 11 hours at night and ate healthy foods and took health food remedies. Even with the dark days and a warm home, it still takes kindness and patience to be nice to myself (and to my husband) throughout the process of waiting to be well. It is easy to hate my failing immune system and blame myself for being sick. These thoughts are so sneaky and all that goodness and kindness to myself flies out the window with self loathing and fear. “I am going to feel like this forever! Hurry up old body, get well!”
Lo and behold, a morning came when I was well enough to leave the exile of home and go to yoga. I unrolled my mat in the 95-degree studio and put my head down and waited in child’s pose with gratitude to be back. As I basked in the warmth with my eyes closed and smelled the peppermint and tea tree aromatherapy on my mat these thoughts came: “Was I going to be able to make it to the end of class? Maybe I should not have come. I know I won’t be able to do the balance poses well. This is going to be too hard.”
Our teacher greeted us with joy and kindness and we sat quietly breathing as she began explaining the concept of “ahimsa.” It basically is a term that means “to not harm.” No harm to others or one’s self. Oh my, I realized in an instant that my beginning thoughts on the mat were harmful to myself. I was doubting and fearful and judgmental. A subtle shift in those thoughts to, “Oh, if I am tired I can always rest in child’s pose” would have changed everything. I see people around me do that often, I think nothing but kindness towards them. I need to be kinder to myself and not my own enemy. Really? Are we here again? This is not news to me, but yet, there I was being a task master and harmful to myself again. Even in becoming aware of a failure I am apt to create more judgmental failure.
I confess that even though one of my favorite verses in the bible is Philippians 4:8, I miss the mark often. The verse is, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
So, here I am at a new year, a new beginning, a new identity, a new promise, basically having a choice to “be new.” Ahisma is simply the other side of a commitment to shalom. A commitment to not harm is indeed a desire to see shalom grow in every sphere in which we are privileged to exist. The way for me to live out ahisma and shalom for myself means to be far kinder to everyone, including myself.
I think it is about time. Of course I will fail. My identity must become more one of childlike trust in our heavenly Father. He delights in me. Sings over me. Never forsakes me. Calls me His beloved. He has plans to prosper me. He tells me to trust Him that He will always be with me. Nothing can separate Him from me. Nothing.
I see this trust in my grandchildren. They trust their parents. They expect good things, good food, utter goodness from their parents. And when they are hurt, they go to their parents and receive hugs and kindness. Simple. Today I need to keep my path forward simple.
The next verse Paul writes in Philippians (v. 9) is “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” My prayer this year is that I will be intimately close to our God of shalom and I will be kind to myself and others.
 
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 36 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living!
bsp
Thank you for your post. I needed to hear that today as I start a new position working in a Christain pregnancy crisis clinic as their nurse/counselor, I will try to be kind to myself and not allow self loathing or fear to take me over. Peace. Patty Ede
Oh, Patty, blessings and prayers sent your way. What an amazing position. I am grateful for gifted nurse/counselor types like you. Very grateful.
Thank you Becky ~ I like the word ~ “ahimsa” ~ be kind and not harm self and others …..
“shalom” ~ peace…. – not sure how often I take those concepts personally. The invite feels warming today.
Thank you. Yes, how easily we can slip into not honoring ourselves with kindness. I am grateful for your words.
Thank you Becky! You have written beautifully with perspective what I have been feeling in my own heart, but unable to articulate! Shalom………ahimsa!
Ah, Autumn, thank you. Shalom back to you this early morning.
Child’s pose. Perfect peace. Like a weaned child….but the picture that also comes to mind for me is the spontaneous, unselfconscious skipping which one often sees four year olds breaking into. Joy so unspeakable that it requires body response.
I’ve often thought a good re-write for the part of the sermon on the mount where Jesus calls us to consider the lilies of the field would be consider a well-loved child….not a care in the world, joy that takes over the body, and the sweet sleep of exhaustion. The sweet life.
Hoping you are resting well today, Becky, and finding sunshine somewhere, if not from the sky.
Thank you Kelli! Very insightful pictures your thoughts brought to mind. My prayer group meets here soon…they bring the best light of all, Jesus’ presence a we unit in prayer on behalf of others. Hope you have a great day.
Awesome mom!! Love this. Xoxo
Sent from my iPhone
>
Oh, Thank you! You teach me so much by your life and your skilled care for others.
I love this, Becky! Kindness and to do no harm is what I want as well. I will be returning to the child in me to practice who I want to be for today.
Thank you, Mary Jane. It really is a daily practice, isn’t it!
Becky, This was so lovely and so courageously vulnerable at the same time. I have to be honest that the thought of someone being unkind to you (even if it is you to yourself) makes me feel a bit angry. I see a valiant, mighty warrior for God, who expends every last bit of herself battling for and pouring out unlimited kindness on others. Of course your body is going to “fail” you, it has been doing war and NEEDS rest. It is forcing you to be kind to yourself, it is a message that you are past due for self care. not a message of weakness.
You are a fighter, but you are also the daughter of a KING, a princess, and your value is beyond measure. You DESERVE to be treated with the utmost kindness and care, to be pampered, to be lavished upon, to know rest fully. You Father wants it no other way.
And of course now as I reread this I have to sheepishly admit that I also hear God whispering to me “take your own advice Renee”. Oh why does it seem so much easier to have grace for others? Ahisma Becky, for you and for myself! I am grateful for your words today. <3
Dearest Renee, how very, very honored I am to receive your “over the top” kindness. Your words are treasures which spur me on. And of yes, I was wondering as I read if you would be receiving the very same kindness from yourself. Hooray. Blessings to you.
Thank you, Becky – The timing of this post is amazing. Tomorrow I hope to get to the yoga studio after more than 6 weeks absence due to illness, frailty and dis-ease. If, once I get there I am child’s pose for that hour – so be it. This gives me hope and courage – a gentle invitation for baby steps as I breathe back into the rhythm of health and wholeness.
Dear Linda, may it be a good return and sweet time of kindness and returning to health. Hope it goes well.
So beautiful. I have a dear friend who really needs the encouragement you offer here. Especially, this paragraph:
“I think it is about time. Of course I will fail. My identity must become more one of childlike trust in our heavenly Father. He delights in me. Sings over me. Never forsakes me. Calls me His beloved. He has plans to prosper me. He tells me to trust Him that He will always be with me. Nothing can separate Him from me. Nothing.”
I’m praying for the right time to share it.
Thank you Cheryl, I will pray for the right timing and thank you for caring for people as you do. Your words encourage me. Thank you.
I love how you use your words to share your stories of triumph and struggle while painting a picture that I can envision and a road map I can follow. Thank you for sharing yourself with us, Becky. We are enriched by your words.
Valerie, Thank you. I feel the same about your stories and words that paint pictures. Thank you for you kind words that encourage me.
Sunday, as we were visiting a new church, the visiting pastor closed with “Be kind to yourselves”. One might think I might need to hear it twice before I pay attention. Thanks for your gracious and beautifully written word, Becky.
Shari, Thank you for taking the time to post your thougths. We all must need to hear this often, but how cool you got the message twice and I trust your kindness to yourself has been lovely. Love to you and Dave.
Dear Becky,
Thank you for the honesty of your words. I read this post through tears as I sit exhausted from my morning chores. I pushed, chided and berated myself through each step for what has now become the daily pain and fatigue of CFS and fibromyalgia. Since my diagnosis 5 years ago; I struggle with self-contempt and the hatred of my body and my weak and failing immune system. Oddly enough, it was Dan who would call me to self-care and kindness as journeyed through the first years of illness as a student at the Seattle School. His sweet smile and firm affirmation of “You’ve done enough.” would remind me again and again to be kind to myself. And now your words and this idea of Ahimsa are here again to remind me that the God of Shalom is calling me to peace and self-care. Thank you. Blessings to you and Dan. Rebecca
Oh my, Rebecca, what little I know about the difficulty being kind to myself in light of the struggle that is yours. I am so sorry to hear of your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia. May you see my smile and concern through the limitations of these written words. I trust Dan keenly knew what he was saying when he said, “you’ve done enough.” Bless you and may Jesus give you hope beyond what you could ever imagine as you draw closer to Him in your weakness and self-care. Thank you for taking the time to share and introduce yourself. Shalom.
Thank you for the lovely invitation to ashima – to not harm. I know it is a common theme for us as women, maybe all of us as humans, to harm ourselves without often stopping to consider the unkindness and wrongness of that. I am also well acquainted with my own tendency to berate myself in the next breath after an awareness that I “shouldn’t” be here again. Whew, so hard to practice this kindness! I love the simplicity of returning to child’s pose whenever my body is telling me I need some rest, care, and kindness. Namaste.
Thank you once again Becky, for your utterly beautiful words. You have a gift for sharing the truth in such gorgeous and authentic prose that gets right to core of my heart’s desire. Today, because of you, I am going to stand before our Lord as an expectant child; small arms flung wide open, trusting, hopeful and expecting all good things. Simple.
Thank you Laurie! I love picturing you like this! You have spurred me on to do the same right now. Hooray for reminding me!
Reblogged this on theflamingoflies.