Complexity

It’s that time of year again!  Finally, in the Gulf Coast region of Texas the weather is ideal for enjoying the great outdoors.  And the fresh air was exhilarating as Bob and I sat sipping wine, enjoying good food and conversation.  Nature’s ambience offered an extraordinary backdrop.  The sky adorned in cobalt blue with sashes of crimson as the evergreen shoot-to-the-sky pines nudged our eyes towards the first appearance of heavenly stars.  My heart was full as it received this rich time of intimate fellowship.   It was good to be alive.

Then….. que… scratched record noise…..

“Robyn, I think you are a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma to most people.”  Inwardly, I frowned.   Actually, I cringed.  Not again!  I heard an old message spoken over my life as a child, “You are too much.”    Certainly not the romantic words I had hoped to hear on such a lovely evening.  “What does that mean?  I think I will have to look that one up.” I replied.  With guests soon to arrive our conversation halted.   I filed his words and my thoughts and emotions away for a discussion later that evening.

My once joyous spiritual state had been disrupted.  I don’t even remember how that conversation had gotten started.   One thing I did know, it replayed over and over in my mind as the evening wore on.  Exhausted from the day, I fell into bed.  And I awoke the next morning with the words rumbling deeply in my mind.  I’m too much.  Complicated.  Difficult to understand.

Over my cup of Lady Grey breakfast tea, I tried to unravel the meaning of Bob’s expression and my heart’s cry and emotions.  Alone I attempted to sift through what was true and throw out the lie.  With thoughts of being too much, I mustered the courage to tell Bob how my heart had received his words.  My fear— that he really believed I was complicated, difficult and too much.  So, I boldly shared and asked what he had meant by his words.  His eyes filled with such tenderness.

My woman’s heart is full of mystery.  One my beloved man wants to explore and know more deeply.  Bob is fascinated by its many layers that have unraveled over time.  He is intrigued by the fullness of my heart.  The many different well-merged “flavors” add interest and personality.  I am a woman who is difficult to analyze.  But what woman wants to be analyzed?  “Robyn, you are not too much.  I delight in all that you are.  The things I understand and those things that I do not and long to discover more.”

Bob’s words filled my heart with love and beauty.  I am a woman of complexity that holds my husband’s interest.  Complexity is the condition of being made up of many interrelated parts; where order, pattern and structure can emerge from a seemingly chaotic and intricate system.  That is a word I can embrace.  Wow!  I think my joyous spiritual state just returned.

It is good to be alive.  So buckle up honey, life is about to get even more mesmerizing!   And yes, full of stunning complexity.

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Robyn Whitaker lives in Texas with her beloved husband of 32 years. She has an adventurous heart that is learning to breathe. Lover of truth, seeker of story, aspiring author and newborn dreamer, this mother of three is in search of redemption and living her Kingdom purpose.
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