Joke to him and to me
he’s there
she’s not seen
I’ll tell you the stories of eyes not blue
here in your backyard
You know I am
You’re here in my driveway
This is my land
Work from 5, 6, 0r 7 am
Push through
past the end
end of the day never here.
Expectations
Feel no pain
your body
never be late
only purpose
work for white men
strap on belt
tighten it
in the middle cinched up, aches in your core
buy him beer
he jokes
relaxing
you’re brown
And, I’m out back, yoke heavy burden
beginning to write white on my skin
silence
violence
calm
terrorizing
Brown man
word
Never spoken
familia
Exclude my kid
no reason
born wrong
In the middle
Not white
porn is all brown black or shade
tight
sexy
scrumptious
Butts
Breasts
sex, not white
Don’t deny
Don’t fight
Buy it again and again
Pay me to please you
demand’s what I do
spin
again
It’s do one more thing
try and be white
At least sex is alright
your system is broken
I’ll pay to fix it
your system is broken
Get all you get
your system is broken
It masturbates me
just your token
Like you want me to be
Don’t see my kids
Don’t see my wife
vato
hombre
Amigo
Soldado
Viejo
Muerto
I see it
give some value
you won’t do nada
Puta madres
Everyday
days you say “ataboys”
days where you don’t.
All of the white boys get dollars and joints
do their drugs daily
Drink, smoke,
I please you
The ways to be white are free and changing
that’s all that matters
Is white boy skin
listen now
listen then
never look at me
Not ever as friend
Who believes the brown guy
brown family
white latina wife?
Your church
Therapy works
Join
Catholic
you fit
in the mix
when you don’t see anybody like you
You start to see white is killing you
it’s joke
It’s “Hola”
“Cinco de Mayo”
“Como esta?”
justice
Truth
Time
dollars
white stares
soul,
steals youth
breaks you hard,
from birth to grave
despises
second class citizen
not citizen, sub human
not welcome
unwanted
not ever
in my way
Deviant immigrant
it tries and it tries
to erase inhumans
cutting off arms, legs,
fathers
mothers
sisters
brothers
souls
bodies
and all others
White is innocent
I’m tired of you, and white weekends.
white parties,
white traditions
Where family is last
culture is cheap
I’m dead anyway
you might as well know
put me in the grave
Enjoy the show
Mother of four and wife of one awesome Mexican, Danielle Castillejo is a 2nd year student at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, studying to get her MA in Counseling and Psychology. She works and volunteers part time in an organization in Seattle that advocates for the agency and freedom of commercial sex workers. A survivor of abuse herself she continues to fight for sanity and love every day.
Oh, this is amazing. Thank you for sharing this visceral depiction of the daily racism your dear husband must face. I cherish your spirit for justice. This is such a great poem, I hope you can share it in even more ways so more people can experience with empathy what your family must go through each and every day. Blessings.
Stunning! Thank you for this gaze (from my comfortable whiteness) into the stark reality of a culture, people, identity trampled by power, privilege, and ignorance. Forgive (us?)…no, forgive me.
I have lived in many places, lived in San Antonio for many years, and I miss it more than any location on the globe.
I miss the Hispanic culture. The familia that celebrates milestones in young peoples lives, traditions passed down, the care taken for those less fortunate…I could go on.
Danielle, your words are powerful.
POWERFUL.
Thank you.
Beautifully stunning and raw. Thank you for raising your voice to name what what is. For refusing to stay silent, and speaking the truth of our society. There is such a lie in white culture that racism “is over. It needs to be demolished.
Still chewing, will let you know once I have finished!