A few months ago, my Pastor gave me Reinhold Niebuhr’s version of the Serenity Prayer, and I have been praying it every day since. One line that continually catches my attention is, “…taking this world as it is, not as I would have it.”
Talking with a friend the other night, she was expressing her desire for a romantic relationship. She wants to be married, and she has wanted that for a long time. But marriage has not happened. Sometimes, long-held, unfulfilled desires can be the most challenging in terms of acceptance.
I asked if she knew Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, and she did. I then asked her what it would mean to accept the world as it is in the context of her desire to be married. My question startled her because she does not want to accept that she might not ever get married. She had been talking about a man in whom she sees potential for a romantic relationship. I could hear the hope and high expectations that this man might be the one and that this relationship be the one that would fulfill her desire to be married.
The week before this conversation, I was on a Hawaiian cruise. In anticipation of the cruise, I had joked that I was ready for a shipboard romance and was going to view this cruise as a Love Boat. I was only half joking, because, like my friend, I, too, desire a relationship.
Sitting on my balcony on the ship, looking out at the vast ocean, I was transported back to the time when Jim was sick and we were at the New Jersey shore. He would look out at the ocean and say, “Think big thoughts.”
As that memory filled me with gratitude for Jim and our long friendship, the words from Niebuhr’s prayer came back to me.
How do I think big thoughts and still take the world as it is?
That question led me to a deeper reflection on what I really wanted.
Since Jim died, I miss his company. I miss having someone to cook for and eat with. I miss his presence in the house, even if he was just watching sports on television while I went on about my life. I miss his help with household chores and making household decisions.
I realized that what I desire is companionship, and I prayed to be more aware of and open to opportunities for companionship. Perhaps a good place to start looking for companionship is to open my eyes to the people already in my life and just becoming more engaged in activities in my community. I am blessed with family and friends who care deeply about me, and maybe I just need to put myself out there a bit more and admit my desire.
Perhaps if I let go of what has been and open myself to the world as it is, I will discover what I most desire is actually right in front of me.
Standing at the airport luggage carousel when I returned home from the cruise, a man from the plane started chatting me up. I smiled at the thought that I must be sending signals that I am open to relationship. It is what I desire.
Madeline Bialecki grew up in Detroit and recently returned after living in Philadelphia for twenty-eight years. She began writing about her spiritual journey and faith life after the death of her best friend in 2012. She likes to read, knit, bake and garden. She shares her spiritual journey here.
Madeline, your words today bring hope to me and remind me to be thankful and enjoy my world “just as it is”. My husband’s health is declining rapidly. We have been married for almost 48 years. The tension of holding both grief and joy is often more than I can bear. But your words remind me to lean into what is so I can enjoy every moment we have together. Thank you, Madeline, for your kind and wise invitation. Christine
Oh, Christine, my heart aches for you as you anticipate what is to come. I hope you can “lean into” the blessings of each day and the gift of your marriage. I will hold you in prayer.
Reblogged this on Madeline Bialecki.
Thank you for this reminder. “Perhaps if I let go of what has been and open myself to the world as it is, I will discover what I most desire is actually right in front of me.” Holding it as I step into the day and into the fullness of love and relationship that is right in front of me with all of its messiness. Blessings to you as you continue the journey of living and loving fully.
Thank you, Julie, for your reflection. I think I often miss the blessing that is right in front of me because the messiness distracts me. Sifting through the mess to see the blessings–that is a gift.
I have always heard the first part of this prayer… but not the the second half… now I see it seems incomplete without both!!! And I am learning right now to live in the tension… of dream… desire big… with an acceptance of the world as it is…going to either extreme of this tense brings hopelessness and striving… but there is a restful place… anchored in Jesus that holds us in the tension… living in the not yet… with Hope. I also love the subtlety of your open desire at the end… that desire can be sensed by those around us… and they may be part of the desire being met!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
Thank you, Ro. Holding things in balance is so important to living in peace. I, too, had known the first part of the prayer for many years and feel the second part completes it.
Madeline, Thank you for writing this and sharing from your heart. The line, “Sometimes, long-held, unfulfilled desires can be the most challenging in terms of acceptance,” especially spoke to me. I also liked what Jim said, “Think big thoughts” and your encounter with the. man at the luggage carousel. God puts desires in our hearts, they’re not bad or wrong. It’s the waiting and the acceptance that is often just so ridiculously hard! God’s blessings to you!
Thank you, Barbara, for your comments. When Jim was sick and knew he was going to die soon, he reviewed his whole life and all his relationships to see if he was resolved with each or needed to do more work to achieve peace. What jumped out at him, and me, was how often “throw-away” lines were life changing. Jim’s review helped him and me to see that when God puts desires into our hearts, God also puts people in our lives to help us fulfill those desires, but we don’t often recognize them. It was only in looking back that Jim could see how all those off-the-cuff comments really mattered and how they created a picture of God’s intervention in his life. Thank you for jogging my memory.
Thank you, again, Madeline, for sharing your journey, your desires and your dreams. You are a brave and courageous woman!
Anne Marie, I cannot think of Jim’s final months without thinking of you and how important you were in Jim’s life. He learned so much from you and applied what he had learned as he journeyed toward his death (or “passing over” as he called it).
I love this post, Madeline!