I’m in a bible study this semester and one of the assignments was to write a Psalm. We had to think about who God is, who we are, and the things we are thinking about God. I think I’m going to start writing one every few weeks, as a way to think on God, remember truth, and pray. Maybe we should all change what it looks like to pursue God.
Maybe it’s not journals and prayer books for everyone, maybe something out of the box can help us become more serious in how we pursue being women who love Jesus.
Please enjoy and I hope it encourages someone.
But You Are Still Good
I’m confused. Where is this headed? What do You want me to learn? Am I there yet?
It’s been a long life, and I’m wondering how much more there is.
Abuse, Chaos, Anorexia, Beytrayal, Divorce, and my marriage. I feel let down. I was left and lied to and what I thought would be a beautiful story of redemption has turned out to be the biggest battle of them all. I wanted it to be easy, but it’s hard.
When will it be over?
When will it be enough?
When will you look at me and say “I think she’s had enough”?
Is it even you? I don’t think it is.
You are not a God of punishment. You are not interested in teaching me a lesson, You are desiring my heart and soul.
You want me to be fully yours and to fight for Your kingdom.
The enemy does not want that.
And he is fighting me to the death.
He almost won with anorexia, he tried to take me down with my divorce, and he’s trying to tell me lies. His lies spew. I need to fight them.
I need Your truth to reign in my heart and my home. I have known You since forever, it seems. I can’t remember when You weren’t my God. And in all those days, I have known You are doing something. You have given me a gift. You have given me a heart for others. I know that my pleas for help and change have not gone unheard. You hear me. You’re working. I know it. I trust it.
Even if it never gets easier, if my heart is never resting in my marriage, if the lies continue and the war wages on. You’re still good. You’re still there. You hear me. You know me. You’re hugging me tight and holding me up.
I know You are good. I see my son, I see my husband, I see my sisters, my brothers, my family, and I know. I know that it’s hard, but You are still good.
Kacy Davis lives in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband, Collin. She is a special education teacher and advocate of those with special needs and loves her job. She spends her time riding bikes with her husband, running, reading, and enjoying those she loves. Kacy believes in reinventing what it means to be a woman and wife who loves the Lord and longs to help others learn to love the Lord with abandon, freedom, and a greater understanding of grace. She writes here.
This is raw beauty, Kacy. Thank you for trusting Him ( and us) with your very honest and beautiful words. Christine
Yes, our God is faithful. I love you.
I love this Kacy. I have written some laments, so hard to get them started and yet so good to watch them unfold into a statement about God’s being good…it is amazing. Thanks for sharing yours with us.
Kacy, I love OUT OF THE BOX! Thank you for sharing this with us. I think that writing psalms/poems/laments as a response to the Word is so transformative….it allows us to engage with God in a fresh and powerful way. Today I wrote a poem in response to John Ch 9…the story of Jesus giving sight to the blind man. I found that the act of writing took my mind and heart to places I would not have gone by reading it alone. I love how writing poetically allows us to drift into the unsanctioned territories of our own self! Thanks for sharing!