Alanis Morissette said it best in February 1996 in her song Ironic, “An old man turned ninety-eight, He won the lottery and died the next day, It’s like a black fly in your chardonnay, It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late, Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think.”
Life is ironic with its ups and downs. It’s lived out analogies of “when it rains it pours” and numerous others leaving us with unanswered questions. The formation of the word “seriously” specifically unfolds from our frequent thoughts and sometimes is rolled off our tongues daily. In the last year, I have both thought and spoken just that, seriously?! However, as the year unfolded and after much soul searching, I have a sense of peace with the uncertain, the unknown, and the wild adventure life proposes to us all. Sometimes it feels odd, ironic, and out of place just like what Morissette sang about in the 90’s. But in the end it all will be okay if we just allow the claws of control to be freed from our lives.
Control has its hold on many in the world in which we are living. These claws of control tighten around us until it brings us to the point of suffocation, I know this all too well because I was freed from its claws just this last year. Several years after my daughter was born, I began having pain that continued to heighten yearly, monthly, then daily. Fighting through the pain wasn’t easy for me mentally or physically but as a woman I learned to manage. Once my daughter, Reese, was two years old, my husband and I tried for several months to conceive another child. Month after month no child was conceived so we decided to take a break for a year. Once the year passed by, we continued to try to conceive. Lots of emotions followed and long story short, the pain increased and no baby was born. In the fall of 2014, I was in the shower where I like to rattle off life’s mysteries to God. While shampooing my hair, I heard a small voice speak to me, and I knew it was God. I listened while he said that my womb would be closed and I would be a mother to many but not biologically. These words left me confused, and in a tangle of emotions but mainly with that one flashing question, seriously?!
Fast forwarding to January 2016, I was diagnosed with endometriosis which caused constant inflammation, heightened pain, severe exhaustion, and a slew of other issues. Surgery was my only option to clean my female reproductive organs so a date was quickly set. After the surgery, I experienced several unforeseen issues which six months later ultimately led me to my last surgery. In October of 2016, exactly two years from the time God spoke to me in the shower, I was having a hysterectomy at the age of 30. I won’t bore you with the details but the struggle was real leaving me again with the word, seriously?! at the front of my mind. However, during my 10 weeks down time, I had a tremendous amount of peace fall over me.
God showed me that he had been preparing me long before I knew it was going to become my reality.
So yes, I look like a normal, healthy 30 year old woman but hormonally my body says I am 50. It still stings a bit when I answer the notorious question at the playground that moms love to ask, “Do you want more children?” At first I fumbled with my response but now I smile and just say,
God has plans for me and they look different from the plans he has for you.
I refuse to sit and think of the past but rather rise and wake up to the present moment. Ephesians 5: 13-14 says, “everything exposed by light becomes visible, and everything that is illuminated becomes light this is why it is said, “wake oh sleeper, rise from the dead and light will shine on you”. I have felt like the sleeper in the past but the winter is over and the rising has begun. This prompt inspired me to share with all you women out there who have felt like the sleeper at times and screamed seriously?! with anger while wrapped in confusion. You can rise too, release control of your life, allow God to be God and let him sketch out the plans, I promise his plans are so much better and brighter than any we could paint with our own minds.
Kelby Cahoon a beach livin blonde that loves Jesus, her small family, and dear friends. She spends her time living life’s adventures, conversing with God on the mystery of life, and digging into worship. Kelby has a deep desire to see people rise and become all God has created them to be in all realms and seasons of their life.