I’ve found myself wanting to stay quiet the passed couple of months. I didn’t have the words to put to my feelings about everything going on in my world. Too many things had me asking, seriously? These were instant reactions, but what was pouring from my brain to my mouth to page didn’t feel quite true. It’s taken me some time and digging to figure out what was truly happening in the deepest recesses of my heart.
We were challenged several years ago at a Red Tent Living Retreat to think about areas of our lives that felt like a blessing or a curse. We were invited to choose where to land. We had just discussed Deuteronomy 30. In verse 15 God asks us to look at what He has done for us today… “I’ve placed in front of you Life and Good, Death and Evil.”
In today’s world and society, it is not difficult to see the Evil crouching, holding its breath, waiting to steal, kill and destroy all of us. It is not challenging to find things in politics, of our leaders, or of own churches and community that worry us and incite fear and cause us to have a visceral reaction. There is injustice happening on the world stage and within our homes. There are foreign relations and familial relations in disarray. There is a fractioning of country and of family. Personally, some of my own relationships with friends and family feel broken. It all feels very chaotic and makes me feel so very, very small.
I found myself thinking about that retreat several years ago because it was the beginning of a major shift in my heart and where I choose to land when I feel drowned out by all of the noise. The weekend of the retreat, I spent a lot of time alone journaling all of the places in my life that felt like the green and fresh and flowing land God had promised His people. While I at first wanted to sit in self-pity, when I began to re-discover the goodness I was experiencing in my life, I simply could not pout at the feet of my Father. I wanted to praise Him. I wanted to thank Him for what He was doing and lay my burdens on Him because I knew they were safe there.
When we don’t know where to start, we need to be reminded that it all begins and ends with Jesus.
I needed to return to that sacred place I found at the retreat. That sweet, special place where my heart’s tears are quieted and my heart is relieved in His presence. I am liberated and whole and blessed beyond measure. I can begin to stand to lead again. I’m no longer afraid to answer, “what do you think about…”
Verse 16 says this: “And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess.”
What do you feel when you read that? To really live, live exuberantly… are you experiencing that? What is keeping you from feeling His blessing? His blessing will protect and guard and keep you. Yes, there is Evil and Death in the world, but have cheer because Your God has promised to bless you and be with you always.
Our call is not to be reactionary. Our call is to Love. Our call is to love our God with all of our heart, soul, mind and body and know that Life conquers death every time. We find our voice from the foundation of that Love.
We are promised that there is nothing fractured that cannot be redeemed, and I’m going to allow myself to fall into that Hope for my family, community, and friends. I hope you too choose Life amidst the noise and chaos.
Anna Hull lives in San Antonio, TX. A graduate of Schreiner University with a B.A. in Religion & Political Science, Anna is passionate about finding Jesus in every day life. She enjoys unexpected adventure, making genuine connections with others, and finding beauty in chaos.