There was a flurry of excitement with people arriving at “The Castle” in Glen Eyrie in Colorado Springs. I had never been to this historic railroad baron’s castle, and it seemed to be a dream come true to get to come here with Dan. He had the opportunity to teach with his mentor Larry Crabb at the first Advanced IBC (Institute of Biblical Counseling) conference. I was thrilled to be in beautiful Colorado with Dan and our seven-week old son.
The first breakfast we scheduled to be with Dr. Pamela Reeve. My husband had had amazing things to say about her when she had come to one of his supervision seminars. I was really looking forward to meeting and finding out what was so special about her.
It was a typical conference breakfast where Dan did most of the talking and engaged vigorously to make the most of the meal. I was quiet because often people are seeking care from Dan and that’s how meals would go. When Dan got up to leave, I found myself lingering in my chair with this woman who had a winsome twinkle in her eye. Surprisingly, Pamela seemed thrilled to sit longer with Andrew and me.
It was as if the whole dining hall faded away as Pamela asked questions and I shared things I had never shared before. I dimly remember someone coming and taking Andrew from my arms so I could be more present with this unexpected time of care. When we stood to go to the conference, Pamela said, “Becky I want you to share with Dan what you told me within the next few days.” I thought this was bold on her part, but I replied, “Oh sure, of course. It was so good to have this time with you.”
The days passed, and I did not talk to Dan about my conversation with Pamela. I actually avoided Pam. Dan and I had time to hike in the snow with our new son and talk, but not the conversation that Pamela had asked me to have. The last evening Pamela stopped me and asked if I had talked with Dan and I said no. In perfect Pamela style she said, “Becky, I did not come to hear Dan or Larry. On the plane flying from Portland God made it clear to me that the reason why I was coming was to meet you! I’ll come by your room after tonight’s program. I’ll see you soon!” With shaking legs and a pounding heart, I climbed three flights of stairs to deliver dinner to the conference speakers. What had I done?!
I barely heard any of the teaching that night. When Dan and I went to our suite in “the castle” I told Dan that within minutes Pamela would be knocking on our door to talk with us. I nursed Andrew and when I put him in his crib I oddly knew that what was ahead was so important that Andrew would go to sleep and stay asleep. There was a knock and I opened the door to let this unassuming seventy-one year old lady into our room.
We sat in three winged back chairs, and Pam literally scooted her huge chair closer to us and said, “At this stage of life I am a little hard of hearing.” She paused and looked at us and said, “Becky shared some things with me I think you should hear.”
Some of Dan’s teaching had been on new material he was developing on sexual abuse. We had cared for many graduate students in our home over the past couple of years as they shared stories of harm, but I had been silent and only with Pamela had I shared some of my own past which needed healing.
I was furious that two trained therapists sat in silence and waited for me to talk. After quite awhile, Pamela said, “You know, you should see my desk at school and all that needs to get done. I have a flight home tomorrow, but I am just fine to sit here and miss it. I am willing to wait until you are ready to talk.”
This woman was a serious warrior, and I realized the longer I sat, the longer this would take!
So I began talking and time faded away. When I finished Dan had tears running down his cheeks and he said, “I have made a living out of finding the pebbles in peoples’ lives, and I have missed the boulders in my own living room.” This holy threesome sitting together turned out to be one of the major “rescues” of our marriage. When we said good-bye the next day, she hugged me and said, “Becky, why don’t you come spend a weekend with me?”
I took her up on her offer, and a year later I left my husband in charge of the house and children and flew to Portland. I was nervous to be with this woman who, in some ways, had “saved” my life. After dinner the first night she said, “Would you like to join me for devotions in the morning?” “Oh, yes!” I quickly replied.
What did she see? Why did she care? I spent a number of weekends with Pamela over the years at her home. What did I learn? I learned how to pray. Morning devotions began at 5:30. There was a globe, six different devotional books and countless sheets of prayer letters from missionaries around the world. We began with prayer and then we were off praying for countries, people, mission groups, governments, and needs.
She asked me to look at her daily prayer journal and then, she said, “Becky, look at this column. It is what I pray for every day.” When I looked at that column in her prayer journal I saw my name. To be intentionally held before the face of God by a woman with a heart that was so vast and majestic was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
My last time at her home she showed me her prayer list, and I was still daily brought to the Father by her care! A few months later she called to let us know that she was dying and wanted to speak to us one last time. We huddled around the phone with our tears dropping to the floor and thanked her for fighting for our marriage, honoring my unique life and calling, and holding me before the Father every day for the last twenty-six years. We held our breath as we received her final blessing.
Jesus promises to be with us always. This promise, like all of his gifts, becomes more real when we have at least one person who never forgets us. Isaiah 49 tells us that God has carved our names onto his palms. We are always, always before him, never forgotten.
There is hardly a day that I don’t think about her impish smile and wry, sparkling eyes. I hear her voice. I receive her commendation. And in those memories I am always a beloved daughter, always a chosen friend. Indeed, I know that He is always with me.
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 38 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living! bs
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“Jesus promises to be with us always. This promise, like all of his gifts, becomes more real when we have at least one person who never forgets us. Isaiah 49 tells us that God has carved our names onto his palms. We are always, always before him, never forgotten.” This is the line that called forth my tears this morning. Thank you for sharing this story from your story. In a season of wondering and transition, this is a reminder that I am not forgotten. It also makes me thankful for my person who remembers and who I will spend time with later this month. After a restless night with little sleep, your post, along with another “seemingly random” source of encouragement felt like a hug from heaven. I love your words. Always.
Dear Julie, thank you for taking the time to let me know that this was an encouragement. I am grateful that you have a person who does the same for you. How wonderful that you will have time with this person later this month. May your day be filled with tears of gratefulness as you ponder how near Jesus is to you. Take care, Becky
Love this Becky. Her legacy lives on in you, your eyes that see, your fierce commitment to love, your warring prayers. I am grateful for this lady who faithfully followed God’s direction in her life and for her attentive care for your heart for so many years.
Thank you so much, Tracy. I am so touched by what you wrote: ” Her legacy lives on in you, your eyes that see, your fierce commitment to love, your warring prayers.” It still amazes me that she cared and pursued me. A life changing encounter!
Oh Becky. I am glad you shared this story. It so illuminates your calling to warrior prayer. This past year I was blessed to be a part of the LCC program at Seattle School, and knowing you and your specially chosen group of prayer warriors were praying over me? Such a sweet gift to my timid & trembling heart as I walked through those sessions, filled with pain, joy, grief, awe, & wonder at what Jesus was showing me, how He had been there all along, how He had never forsaken me, how He had held that little girl. my heart has been forever changed by my experience at the Allender Center, but I am convinced that change was undergirded the intentional prayers of your heart & those of your team. I am forever grateful.
Your sister,
Candy
Dear Candy, I am thrilled that your heart was forever changed by your experience with The Allender Center. Mine too, with the group I was in. We were courageous to speak and to speak into others’ lives. Holy ground we got to be on for those weeks. I am grateful you experienced that way. Thank you for mentioning me and my prayer team. We are a privileged group to hold everyone’s face/name before the throne. Blessings and hugs to you as you shine in the world.
Dear Becky, I’ve heard that you are a prayer warrior. Your words tell me Pamela had a lot to do with your being called forth. What a legacy you are continuing – Pamela’s now through you. As I read my heart longed to have that someone. I could have slipped into envy but I didn’t. My heart began to ponder that woman who held my face and invited me into the journey God had planned for me. I am left longing to know how to pray with more intention and for a woman to step onto my path to teach me more. It’s a good longing. I trust God will do with that longing as He needs for His story to be shared. As always Becky you leave me in a good, soft place of pondering and longing – and gratitude for what I already have.
Valerie, you rock! I love how honest you are and how good your heart is to trust and believe. I love that! I will pray that a woman steps into your life. I am grateful for you being in a good, soft place of pondering and longing….and gratitude for what you already have. And yes, Valerie, you are a blessed woman indeed. Wow…what a talented family you have…you included! Hugs.
This is so touching to read. I remember Pamela Reeves, you and the conference…I was there. You have been blessed and mentored by one dynamic lady for the Lord. I love how she had her “eye” on you and followed God’s leading to come into your life. This is truly refreshing to read and to behold…
Yes! Yes! Mary Jane!!! You were there. How I remember you and John and how awesome it is to have someone write and say, “I was there.” Pamela was truly an amazing woman.
Thanks for this reflection, Becky. A few months ago, several people suggested I see a movie called The War Room, and I finally got around to watching it this weekend. It is mainly about being a prayer warrior. Your piece is my second message to re-examine my spiritual life, recommit my life to Jesus and to pray more fervently. Thanks for speaking God’s message to me.
Dear Madeline, Thank you for saying this was a prompting to re-examine your spiritual life. I did not see The War Room and I am sad that I missed it. I did get the book and it IS helpful to be encouraged about the importance of prayer because, I think we all get tired of praying and need to be spurred on to love and good deeds and prayer! I hope Jesus meets you with this desire to pray more fervently. I needed your reply to spur me on today.
This is beautiful story of how we as women have the ability to mother and sister one another. So so sweet. Thank you for sharing.
Dear Anna, thank you. Yes. I think we are meant to change each other. You have changed me!
Dear Becky, I have had the deep privilege of knowing you were praying for me at The Allender Center trainings 2011-12. That training, those sessions with my group opened so much beauty and invitation to healing for me. Truly, the legacy of your mentor lives on in you. Thank you for faithfully taking up that mantle. It is a demanding one to which you are so faithful — and I am so grateful. Christine
Dear Christine, thank you. I am grateful that you were encouraged by knowing that I and others were praying for you. It is so important during the training weekends. It was and is a privilege to pray on behalf of you and others.
I think I hear Pamela whispering for you to write that book now.
I love what you wrote, Jan. Thank you. Very kind…so kind.
This is beautiful. What an amazing story of her fierce and loving resolve to usher you and Dan into that conversation, which led to such transformation for each of you and for your marriage. I had a similar experience eleven years ago when two older women persistently “shepherded” me through my first Captivating retreat, including a late-night stake out at the door of my room…”Are you ready to talk now?” The subsequent conversation and prayer time led to incredible deliverance and freedom in my life. God, give me eyes to see and wisdom to offer in such a bold, brave way!
Dear Susan, I love that two older women “sheperded” you at your first Captivating retreat. How grand. How bold. How life changing! And I love how you ended and I will pray for the same: ” God, give me eyes to see and wisdom to offer in such a bold, brave way!”
Oh Becky, I have huge tears streaming down my face as I read this. They are tears of absolute joy as I loved hearing about fierce warrior Pamela and the how she really ‘saw’ you and called you forth in such tender and powerful ways. YOU are now a warrior, just like Pamela and so many have benefited from your inquiring face and fierce praying heart. Oh, how thankful I am for this woman and her impact on your life! And, I am with Jan…… I think I hear Pamela whispering about that book of yours….. 🙂
Dear Laurie, I am humbled by your words. The draw me to my knees: “YOU are now a warrior, just like Pamela and so many have benefited from your inquiring face and fierce praying heart. Oh, how thankful I am for this woman and her impact on your life!” It WAS amazing that she saw ME! I will forever be astounded and grateful for this. And… you…are a woman who sees and thank you for how you see me!!!!!
Dear Becky, I remember that year and meeting Pam. I knew she was your friend, but this story reveals her as more than a friend. Thanks for sharing her private life of prayer with us, and her pursuit of you and your story. You are in many ways a lovely reflection of her. Love to you…
Dear Sandy, yes, you and Bill were there that year. Oh, my so many years ago that was. Thank you for your kind words. To be told I am a lovely reflection of her is the greatest compliment I could ever be given. Thank you. Love to you across the many miles and years….
Such tenderness as you put words to how she pursued your heart.
I hope to one day hear how Jesus spoke to her on the plane and why he told her to love me; sit with me; see me. She remains a gift to me and my family. How good it was to finally write about Pam.
Such a perfect picture of what we can be to each other. Such a beautiful glimpse of ‘the church’ at it’s absolute best. It brought tears to me eyes. I love that God sent her straight to you and you got to enter each other’s sacred space. As always, your words bless me. Thank you. ~timi
Wow, Timi. You summed it up. Yes, “such a perfect picture of what we can be to each other.” Oh…how there is always more we can do to be Jesus’ hands, feet and eyes!
Hi Becky, When I read the paragraph about that breakfast, I saw a woman sitting there with a different kind of hunger. Of course you lingered, of course Pamela saw you. How awesome that was. Being invited to more, and how much more it was, and continues to be. I loved this story. Thank you.
Dear Chris. You see very well. Yes, I was desperately hungry to be seen. To be noticed. To be heard and cared for. So awesome. Thank you for loving this story. It remains one of the most stunning of my life.
Precious Becky!
Thank you for the gift of your story so gracefully shared. I praise God that he has given you the gift of a mentor to shepherd you through those tricky early years of parenting. The cost of being married to a man whom the many pursue probably has left you in need of eyes like Pamela’s time and time again. Your good Father sees you and knows exactly what you need always.
I am tender and inspired to pray for my mentor…
I love the quote “I have made a living out of finding the pebbles in people’s lives & I have missed the boulders in my own living room.”
I love dans tender humility.
How sad that this is too often the case.
Your writing is such a gift. Thank you again for sharing!
💗Jean
Dear Jean, thank you so much for your kind words. You are a wise woman who sees well and yes, it was a severe privilege to be a spouse of a man who can heal and help. I would not trade it for anything. I am so grateful for God telling Pamela to speak with me. To pray for me. To care for our marriage as she did. I love how you see and care for others with your gifting. Hugs and love to you across the many miles.
Thank you, Becky. You won’t remember me, but we sat in a prayer group at the first Captivating Advanced. I remember you gently speaking things like “I feel like that prayer was so rushed” when I shut down the group praying for me (because I was so uncomfortable at the attention). I remember you asking me questions and I hid. I love this story because Pam’s fierce pursuit of you propelled you to pursue others as well as yourself. I love the story too, because Pam was a mother to you. I love seeing mother love in action. I feel tender and relieved that there are mothers in the world. There are two women who, in ways as small as a raindrop, have mothered me. A 20 minute conversation can fill my “mother need” for a year. A “naming” in an e-mail can plant my feet back on identity ground. I say all that to just applaud how you were mothered. And to call us all to give what we can from that which overflows us. It could be but a sentence and it’s impact might last for a lifetime. Real true and fierce blessing on you, Becky.
Dear Jill, thank you for reading and replying. How good to hear from you and the first Captivating Retreat! Wow….years pass and God is good to give us hearts and minds that hold and remember what highlights our lives. I, actually, had not understood myself to be a reflection of Pamela. She holds such grace and weight and wisdom that I never considered that. First of all, that you that you connected the dots of her faithfulness in prayers for me and how they have molded me. Also, I will pray….I… will….pray that you will have someone who gives you “long books” of words that nourish you. I am not saying that that one word, or sentence is not gold! May Jesus empower us all to mother others…young and old. Hugs across the many years.
Jill…how amazing it is that it’s September 2018…and we know and care and love and pray together. I am amazed at God’s faithfulness to us….
Dear Becky, you know how facebook brings up one’s “memories”…well, this appeared today. I read it again, and all of the reflections given you and your reflections back to them all and I wept, and wept and wept. After the dreadful year of Covid and the isolation and sadness of so many losses, all these words of love and care and tenderness invite me to turn my face toward The Bright One’s gaze, our Jesus. I feel like I’ve been living in the land of everything dying…today, because of reading through these entries on Red Tent Living, I declare I will turn my face toward the Light and begin anew because we who can hear and receive and return the tendernesses we have encountered in our lives have much to give. I’m so thankful for you!