It’s hot. Life is busy. Life is intense right now, but it has little to do with summer, or heat, or how intense the sun can get in the summer. I’m overwhelmed, to say the least.
I have a five week old baby. My son, Wilson, is a good baby. He doesn’t cry unless there’s a reason. He eats well, sleeps well, and is generally a happy boy. But this summer has been one of the most intense of my life.
It feels as though my feet are to the fire here. This morning, I woke up at 5:50 and fed Wilson. Then he started fussing. I didn’t have time to comfort him and take time to rock him and sing to him, he had to cry it out. It’s my husband’s birthday so I had to get a special breakfast ready, clean up the house, pump, and get a run in before we headed out for a birthday surprise. I got it all together, and as I was sitting there, pumping, trying to get my shoes on, and planning the day, I burst into tears.
This is so intense. This mothering thing, this marriage thing, this woman thing. It’s hard. It’s overwhelming and never ending and intense.
I cried out to God. It felt so familiar, to be in this place. The place where the struggle is overwhelming and I don’t think I can go on and I want to give up. Through my tears, I said “God, I need you. I need you to help me. I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t want to do it anymore. I need you to fix this, fix me, help me”.
I got up, went out the door, and went for a run. I have made a resolution to listen to worship music while I workout, mainly because the daily barrage of super fun pop songs were enjoyable but not nourishing to my soul. The song came on with the lyrics “I called, You answered, and You came to my rescue, and I want to be where You are”. And, in that moment, I knew how to lessen the intensity of this “mom/wife/woman” life.
Run to God. Like, literally, get off of Pinterest, stop the Katy Perry music, and run after Him. Pray, talk to Him, tell Him what is on my heart.
Because this life is intense. The heat and pressure can be overwhelming at times, to make sure your child is growing, make sure your marriage is healthy, make sure you encouraged your husband, engaged with your friends, took time for yourself, etc.
And the only way to survive this intensity is God. Praying, seeking God, and not being afraid to cry at His feet in utter defeat. Crying out to God is intense, intense as the dang hot Texas sun, but it is a beautiful place.
Kacy Davis lives in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband, Collin. She is a special education teacher and advocate of those with special needs and loves her job. She spends her time riding bikes with her husband, running, reading, and enjoying those she loves. Kacy believes in reinventing what it means to be a woman and wife who loves the Lord and longs to help others learn to love the Lord with abandon, freedom, and a greater understanding of grace. She writes here.