“Just relax through the contractions”, “Relax and take it easy until the baby comes”, “The more you relax, the better you’ll feel”, “Relax, it will be fine, just rest.” These words have been said to me in various ways since I found out I was pregnant. In the past week, they have been said to be in various ways on a daily basis.
But there’s a problem. I don’t know how to relax. It’s so difficult for me to sit because my mind runs a million miles an hour with things to do, projects to complete, crafts to make, people to see, and ways to be busy. Even when I watch TV or go for a walk, I multi-task. I listen to podcasts of sermons I’ve missed or paint my nails or iron or something. I keep myself busy.
And that is why the past few days have been very difficult for me. I am a teacher, and we are out on summer break. I am also a 36 week pregnant lady whose baby is head down, in the pelvis, and may be here any day. My midwife says try to keep the baby in another week so I am at least full term. This means my manic cleaning and exercise routine, and all the people I wanted to visit, and the long walks in the park are all put on hold. I can still workout, I can still clean, I can still visit people, but it has to be scaled down. I HAVE TO RELAX.
I’ve been thinking about Martha and Mary. I tend to think I am most definitely a Martha. I often find myself upset with the studies and people who say we need to be more like Mary instead of Martha. I find myself thinking “Hello, people! Stuff has to get done! If we had a world of “Marys”, the dishes would never be cleaned and we would all be living in filth”! But honestly, I’m only a Martha if I have to be. And that is somehow key to my relaxing. If I can trust that what needs to be done will be done, I am free to relax.
This forced lesson of relaxation is hard for me. This pregnancy and impending birth is difficult. I thought it would be difficult because I would gain weight and not have control, etc. but it has been way harder than I thought because I can’t do it all by myself. I have to take it easy and relax and trust. And that’s hard. I’ve learned a long the way that if I want it done, I better do it because no one else is going to take care of me. This lie, well, it will be my downfall at the end of this pregnancy and in childbirth.
Because I have to relax and I have to breathe deep and I have to trust. I have to trust my husband, my midwife, my body, and those who are taking care of me after the birth. And more than that, when I choose to trust those people, I choose to trust that God has placed those whom He saw most fit in my life for this moment. I can relax and know that God has written these days and sees them and He is really the one in charge. I don’t have to “Martha” my way through it all, or be wonder woman, because He has given me the gift of Himself and because of that, I know I am His child and He wants what’s best for me. And knowing those truths, I can finally relax.
Kacy Davis lives in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband, Collin. She is a special education teacher and advocate of those with special needs and loves her job. She spends her time riding bikes with her husband, running, reading, and enjoying those she loves. Kacy believes in reinventing what it means to be a woman and wife who loves the Lord and longs to help others learn to love the Lord with abandon, freedom, and a greater understanding of grace. She writes here.
Dear Kacy, your well written entry truly shows how much of a teacher you are! Everything you need at this point, you have written with brilliance. May you truly receive the new way of being “a Mary” in this last week. Blessings to you and your baby and I will be praying for a safe delivery of your beautiful new baby! So excited for you and your husband! (And so beautifully timed to your teaching schedule. Stunning!
Oh Kacy, I love how God engages with us to not only ready our bodies for the birthing process, but also our heart and spirit. Surrendered to life! What a sacred journey you have shared with us. Praying for this new little one! And for you and Collin. May the life of baby Davis honor and glorify it’s Creator and know the Savior at an early age.