Below are a couple of poems about ways we self-protect and “pull” people to feel a certain way about us. I have done these, felt these and seen them play out around me. I hope reading about them sheds light on our relationships in a way that acts as a window to let grace in for ourselves and others.
HelpFull
Oh you’re in trouble again?
I’m on my way.
I’ll bring many versions of the same smile
Because I’m fine
Like usual,
And this is obviously about you.
I don’t mind.
Actually I like all my friendships
This same self-sacrificing way
Where I force feed you
huge portions of my help
With my eyes only on me
And my smiles all over you.
I’m never hungry
So don’t bother me.
You will regret it.
Open wide.
Let me be
Stop bothering me
With your interest
Kind eyes
Smiles.
I care enough about myself for us both
Without your love barging through
My bluff of anger and cynicism
I’m desperate
For love
While being left alone.
You don’t know the blinds I have
to deal with
Inside myself
And fear would scream you away if you did.
It’s happened before.
Trust me.
Listen to the silence of my needs
Enough to take yourself out of the game
Where the stakes are high
And my inner rage even higher.
Shine Love somewhere else
And if you keep gambling on me
I’ll match your smile
And raise you one false pretense
That I’m listening
While I shove you
Back
Away
Until I’m
alone
And it’ll be your fault
For letting me win.
Hannah Umphress lives outside Denver, Colorado with her husband and two children. She enjoys finding and contributing to the beauty around her in the form of authentic poetry, a meaningful conversation or a well-placed joke. She believes God might be a giggler and that it’s good for the soul to have inside jokes with Him.
Wow, incredible poems. They really name so well what I have experienced from both sides of a friendship. They have left me thinking, thinking, thinking.
Love that you have seen this from both sides of a friendship and hope the thinking has been fruitful in fresh ways for you!
“Let grace in for ourselves and others”…oh how I need to practice this! Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. Very helpful to know…I AM NOT ALONE.
You are NOT alone Jen and hope grace moves and breathes anew in those deep places inside.
“I’ll raise you one false pretense” – – oh my. Hannah, you are truly gifted. I do hear God’s laughter at the ocean of pretense inside all of us. Your poems have the same impact on me as the sermon on the mount: a glint in the eyes of Jesus as he levels us all.
I love your comment, especially the part about the glint and God’s laughter at our pretenses as we all sit level at His feet. Thanks Jan!
Powerful poems. So real. So raw. Thank you fir sharing them with us. I look forward to reading more of your writings!
Thanks Barbara for reading them!