And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
–Phil 4:19 ESV
There I was, lying on the bathroom floor at work, thinking maybe that would ease the pain. I needed to get up, grab my stuff from my office, and tell just one person that I was leaving to go home—then I could literally disappear out the door. I knew very well what I must do, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. The pain was incredibly intense, as though it was announcing its presence over loud speakers. Time seemed to stop.
A desperate prayer of Please don’t let me get sick at work! was followed by cold sweats and escalating nausea that told me the answer was NO. As I lay on the floor, trying yet another position to control the uncontrollable, the pain escalated to the point of begging God to bring someone into the bathroom. Thankfully, He did! She went and retrieved the only person I wanted with me on this adventure. After her repeated pleas and more pain, I finally allowed her to call 911.
This led to a big production, with all the twists and turns of a hit movie. The ambulance was delayed, which made my coworkers angry. I got sick another time or two, and the pain kept coming in sharp waves. Finally, the ambulance arrived and EMT’s brought in the stretcher. I was wheeled out of the bathroom, wanting to be invisible, but there was an audience of concerned coworkers standing in a line, watching me as I passed by. I did not sign up for this!
I rode the ambulance to the ER, where I stayed for a long eight hours. Two coworkers joined me and stayed for the duration–stubborn sidekicks who purposely chose the adventure that I didn’t choose. After various tests and long periods of hanging out in the hospital hallway, I finally saw a doctor. He told me that I had a bad virus. I was glad, yet I couldn’t believe this big production had such a weak plot.
The next morning brought concerns from coworkers and friends, and I finally agreed that I needed to stay home from work even though I had so much to do. I rested up and reflected on the very long yesterday. The figurative battlefield around me was a mess, littered with tiny pieces that I realized were the remnants of my obliterated pretense of control. All my thoughts and plans about what I wanted to do were shattered.
But wait…I’m Wonder Woman, right? Well, My Wonder Woman cape was in shreds. My ducks in a row had gone on strike. I felt mortified being seen on a stretcher by my coworkers, but in the end, none of it was important.
I was not, nor will I ever be, Wonder Woman. I just like to wear the cape and pretend.
This was an extreme exercise in reminding me who really is in control, and who isn’t. God allowed me to be me in a desperate situation, which forced me to see His reality. He showed me in a very creative way that my struggle for control was useless and futile, and that His love, mercy, and grace were real. He lifted my eyes to see Him again. I saw His goodness for placing me in the job He chose for me, working with the people He chose for me to work with, who truly care about me. I could see my two stubborn sidekicks, who wouldn’t hear the word NO, and who made sure I got the attention I needed. I could see the gift that there was nothing seriously wrong with me.
I take so much for granted. I tend to live expecting everything to be precisely as I think it should be, and when it’s not, I struggle to adjust my expectations. I thank God for this reminder that brought home all He has given me. My God supplies all my needs, whether I know I have them or not. God even goes beyond what I need and chooses to give me wondrous treasures. He loves me that much! There is so much to appreciate, so much that I should continually be amazed by. I choose to lift my eyes and see more of Him and all He is.