Recently, a major illness made it impossible to continue working and I lost my business. At first, I was just grateful to be alive. Then, I started wondering about my life. What would it look like now? It is amazing how different it feels to go to a job versus getting up each day to the ordinary things, which take much more out of you than they did before your illness. To say that I did not have some places of grief and sadness and loss would be so untrue.
To look at the ordinary things that I could do and see them as something special, even if I was not going to an office anymore, took prayer to give me anointed eyes. Then I thought of others who have handled much worse than I have had to deal with. I thought of their spirit and even their enthusiasm. Their stories gave me courage. It is so good we can share stories!
I determined to do what I could and to see the miracles in the moments.
If I was cleaning the bathroom or kitchen, I slowly and methodically cleaned it as if it were for royalty. And really, my daughter and family who are giving us space in their home are my royalty.
One morning, I was listening to my twelve-year-old grandson practice for his piano recital. I realized what a wonderful opportunity the whole process was for me. If I were not there, I would not hear him get progressively better. That has been a few weeks now, and he is doing so well. It is always a pleasure to hear him play.
Another morning, the five-year old grandson did not feel well, and he could stay at home because I was there. My presence made things easier for both my daughter and him. He likes to play games, and when he is looking for something to do, we often play. He really likes to teach and who knows, I may be helping to develop one of his gifts.
I decided one day that I needed to ask myself a question. It was this: “How will I schedule my days so that they do not pass in vain?” I have never experienced not having a plan of some kind for tomorrow. This is new to me to not have a schedule to keep. Being homebound adds another dynamic to filling up my day.
Writing is something that I have done since my early twenties. Journaling has always been helpful to me. My blog, which is a couple of years old, discusses scripture from a woman’s point-of-view and speaks to issues of emotional and spiritual growth and healing. I decided not to let my difficulty get in the way of posting new writings. That gives me focus to get the writings done and to get the research that goes into them accomplished. Actually, it has helped keep me focused on spiritual things and not self in this new opportunity that I am experiencing.
I would say that the most important thing for me has been to keep a schedule connected to my own personal space. To be able to help in the house is an extra bonus. I have needed to do what things that I can, and it is so wonderful to know that I have back up for what I cannot do. Having a plan for meaningful investment in time seems huge to me. Flexibility in all of it is important, too.
As I look out the windows from my room, I know that I am blessed to be alive. I asked my husband what words of wisdom would he add to this. To quote my husband, “Become friends with change.” As life has taken a turn that neither of us expected, this is really good counsel that serves any of us well.
I do not know if the future holds anything more than what I have presently, but I am truly planning to recover from Lyme’s Disease. To me, it has been amazing how life just keeps going on even if your business is not there and you are not there. So often, we think that we are indispensable! Times like these do show us that life does go on. My husband and I have worked together for many years. This is just working together in a different way. To say that I am surrounded by support and love is an understatement. The attitude of gratitude serves all of us very well. Instead of looking at what is not, we are looking at what is.
Linda Lea is a mother and grandmother of six beautiful children. Retired due to illness, she invests herself in Bible study, writing, prayer intercession, and loving everyone in her sphere of influence. Self-publishing a book a few years ago brought to fruition a life-long writing dream. Her devotional blog is here.