I should be packing my swimsuit, sandals and sunny weather clothes. I was to board a plane tomorrow for a week in tropical Florida.
Walking the beach right after high tide looking for those special shells is one of my fondest past times. The sand beneath my feet is warm. The waters are usually calm as the sun rises slowly and magnificently over the waves continually rolling in, back and forth, back and forth. Each new wave deposits more shells. It’s mystical. Where do all those shells come from? Do little shells grow into big shells? For me the majesty of God’s wild creation is so evident in all that happens at the edge where ever-flowing water meets sand and births all kinds of things.
Yes, the week was unfolding in my mind as a place to be offered the touch of God’s creation, the reminder of His care, opportunity to relax by the warm pool, massage in the hot tub, eat well, rest often, read, play and leave the appointment calendar behind.
It wasn’t to be as I planned. It’s interesting how my prayers to God are often answered back to me in words and suggestions I wasn’t expecting. At times it’s hard to figure out the “why” of His answers. Sometimes I need to live a while past His answer to understand how it is His best for me. A series of events made it obvious God’s best for me was to cancel my plans for the trip.
For awhile I have been asking God for some clarity in my life. For the way I make choices, how I care for my own heart, how to surrender to His will even when it isn’t the way I would have written the answer or outcome.
Someone shared some words with me not long ago that have been instrumental in how I’m purposing to live life differently. They were simply…..”Valerie, you know what you know.” I’ve thought a lot about those words. How often do I “know” what’s best but I make a different choice? Why do I do that? What is behind going against my “I know”? It would take many more words than I have space for here. One thing I’ve realized is that I sometimes consider what’s best for others overriding what I think is best for me. It’s been a new reality – a rather sobering one. From what reservoir will I offer myself to others if mine has gone dry?
Here’s another stark reality. I can’t refill my reservoir on my own. God is the “refiller” and He knows what’s best for me.
So… we are back to the beginning of the story. I won’t need my sandals or bathing suit. The suitcase can stay tucked in the closet. I won’t be traveling tomorrow. And my heart is settled. It’s a good choice I made on my own heart’s behalf.
I “know what I know”.
The title of this is “letting go”. That’s an adventure for me and a work in progress. I find it revealing to realize that my struggle isn’t in missing the opportunity to wiggle my toes in the warm Florida sand. My heart seems content to miss that and be ok – better in fact. My struggle is to let my choice stand, be confident in it and settle my mind. Let go and be assured that I’ve made a good choice on my own behalf. Not to extend emotional energy questioning, but to live in this moment and forward. And to be confident that I know what I know and what is best for me without second guessing.
So I’m letting go………….
Valerie Avery treasures the journey of embracing all God has gifted her with including creating art and beauty using fibers, beads and nature. The bond of 47 years of marriage has created a legacy as mother to 5 and “Grammie” to 20. She is venturing into the world of writing and is grateful for a place to share stories of growth and hope. You can read more here.