I had just gotten a few items at the grocery store and hoped to get home to enjoy a Sunday afternoon. But, once in the car, when I started to back out of the parking space, the engine stalled. What? Three more times I tried to back out and each time the car stalled with the temperature and battery pictures staring at me from the dashboard. Darn! My hands started to shake and I hated the thought of a tow truck coming and causing confusion in a very, very busy parking lot. I hated the thought of being seen with a faulty car. How embarrassing.
I called AAA and texted my daughters and son and husband (which probably wasn’t nice since they were not near by to help) and waited for Kitsap Towing. I remembered the time in college when I was driving my family’s car and it caught on fire! Yes, it was shocking! I was driving down the road and suddenly flames came out from under the hood and even under the steering wheel by my legs! It was crazy and a person drove by and hollered, “Get out of the car!” I did and I ran to the side of the rode and stood. Other people came to watch and I acted as surprised as they were. I didn’t claim to be the owner of the burning car that was stopping traffic on a busy street! It was so embarrassing! Eventually, fire trucks came and I had to admit ownership. Darn! How foolish I felt waiting for the tow truck and then having to hop in beside him with a disgraceful, burned up car in tow. So, flash forward 42 years… here I was again. Why couldn’t this have happened in our driveway?
I tried to relax. I worried about how the tow truck would be able to get me out this space. I called the dispatcher and asked if I should let the car drift forward in case that would be easier for the tow truck driver. She listened to my logic and then said, “He’s good at what he does, just stay where you are.” Why do I feel like I have to figure things out for other people? Why can’t I just relax?
I had an hour to ponder my neurotic being and by the time the truck got there I was happy and fine to be seen talking with the driver. (Victory! Progress!) He said he’d take the car to the repair shop and I should call a taxi. By the time my car was being shamelessly towed away I was waving to him and talking with other people and claiming the car to be mine.
I then called a taxi, which was another hour wait. As I sat on the street corner I decided to practice the art of being grateful. I began by being thankful for cell phones and a town that networks in so many ways to make life nice. It’s been an intentional practice to not be in a hurry when I do errands or go to appointments. I have loved having the time to greet people in stores or medical buildings and actually “see” them and talk to them. This takes planning for me to have this time.
It was our first trip to Ethiopia when I noticed people walking with smiles and not rushing. I asked our host if she ever rushed or even ran to an appointment. (Running to the ferry is a normal thing where I live.) She said no, that only once did she remember rushing, almost running, and for days people who had seen her asked her over and over again, what had happened to have made her rush. I was changed by that sentence.
Our grocery store is my favorite grocery in the whole wide world. Last week Fred, who works in bulk foods, said hi and I asked him how he’d been. He said, “well a few weeks ago, I died and Rick in produce found me and did CPR and brought me back to life. I was airlifted to Harborview on Friday and I was back to work on Monday!” Seriously, I will never see Fred without remembering that story and being grateful to see him. What a privilege to have him serve me through his job.
When I was leaving the dentist a few weeks ago, Marilyn, the receptionist asked me if I’d seen the banner behind her (Oops, I had totally missed it!). “Happy 70th Penny” was written in bold print. Wow, I had almost walked out without saying happy birthday to Penny. I am so grateful for Penny. She’s the skilled dental assistant I want when I have a root canal. So, you get my point. We are so blessed by the people in our lives.
Forty-two years ago, with a burning car I did not want to claim, I was much more quiet. I was much more embarrassed about being me. I was kind, but in an invisible way. I was shy and hoped to appear proper and “together”. The reality was, I was insecure and protecting myself and because of that, I often “missed” the people around me.
Honestly, some days the very last thing I want is to be seen or see anyone. I don’t know why that is, it just is. So, I have learned to accept this weakness (well, sometimes) when it hits. I am not sure if it is hormones or circumstances or just me, but I do know that I can make my way outside to see the glory around me and begin the art of gratitude. He’s always there to walk along side me and delight in who I am. It is a good thing to not be invisible and embarrassed. I am often a very slow learner, but even that’s okay.
 
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 36 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living!
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I love these words…” Why do I feel like I have to figure things out for other people? Why can’t I just relax?” and “It’s been an intentional practice to not be in a hurry when I do errands or go to an appointment” ” I have loved having the time to greet people…and actually “see” them and talk to them”. These are words I’d like to sink into my heart and practice! Thank you!
Thank you, Deanna. How easy it is to not really see people and realizing the service they are doing for you on their behalf. Someone told me that rushing was living with an absence of love. I think of that often….
I love your expression to practice “the art of gratitude”. This is a great reminder when life doesn’t go my way. Your shy embarrassment caused me to smile…I believe it’s because there is some of that coursing through my veins. This is a heartfelt and honest story of your life and how change is coming about…gratitude! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this…love you my friend.
Thank you, Mary Jane. I love your intentionality to comment where deep vulnerability is shared. Thank you for you smile and noticing the change in my life. Love across the many miles between us. I look forward to sitting under your teaching again some day.
As I remember that it was my car that caught on fire and I was to start teaching the next week 40 miles from home. It could have been me on a lonely strip of unused highway or on country roads.
I thought I was inconvienced. Was glad mom and dad figured out a solution to my problem. Mother gave up her car for a month while I waited for a paycheck and a new car.
So true about cell phones and the use of taking time for gratitude. I think I hardly ever had a day of crusting students while teaching after looking on the positive side of teaching each day.
I always tought of use as being outgoing risk taking sister.
Love ya
So sweet to remember how that affected the whole family and how that burning car led you to your first car that was beautiful, yellow and sporty. You were the one forging the way for me in countless arenas. Thank you, big sister! Love you too.
Once again Becky, you have moved me with your words. Thank you for allowing us to “see” you through your writing. You have struck a big chord as I am very guilty about the rushing part and will be pondering why I allow that to have a presence in my life. I long to slow down to and see the beauty in the people God places in my path just like you did with Fred and Marilyn!
Love and Blessings!
Laurie, you are my faithful encourager. It’s not easy to allow oneself to be seen in weakness. Thank you and I miss you and…I am trying to slow down as this busy Friday unfolds in unexpected ways! It’s a daily practice just like yoga that requires breathing and intentionality. Love to you and your family.
Oh, Becky. Reading this is like a galloping jaunt through your wonderful heart, and as I read I smile so much. Thank you for opening your heart to us here! This is the true definition of hospitality: to have a heart that is open to others.
“He’s good at what he does, just stay where you are.” Why do I feel like I have to figure things out for other people? Why can’t I just relax?
This line leads me back to God. He’s good at what He does. Why do I feel like I have to figure Him out? Why can’t I just relax (and trust that Goodness will prevail)? Ah, it’s the little things He uses to teach us to trust Him. I have always said, “Cars are a part of the curse.” Sometime ask me about the time we broke down in literally the middle of nowhere in the hot August Nevada summer while driving an old RV. The lesson, and I was so thankful my two kids were with me to learn it? It is ok to break down without completely breaking down!
Oh, Kelli, so, so true. Yes, why can’t I let God be God and not try and live according to my will? Thank you for your very kinds words and a reminder that even break downs are okay. Love to you.
Your words here are affirming…..i so believe that beautiful things happen when I am not in a hurry. I too have encounters that bless others and myself….when I take time to notice and respond. Sometimes it feels like I do “church” more often in the grocery store then in church. I love being a “noticer” ! Your words today are just what I have been waiting for. Love the way your words offer life in a complete circle.