Release…… Allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free. Another definition says to allow (something) to move, act or flow freely.
So I have been pondering this word for about the past three weeks. I have written many things and erased them many times. But today, today I know that I need to write on this word Release and what Release is and means for me.
When I think about the word Release, I think about freedom. Freedom deep down in my soul. Deep down where all the pain and sorrow lies. Deep down where I hold my longings and my needs. That place where God wants to come in and meet me right where I am at.
Today, to Release, looked something like this…..
As I do often, I was holding in my emotions and I could feel my insides start to boil and churn. I almost felt like I could explode! Then all the messages started racing in……. You’re not good enough, what makes you think you can do this, you suck and it is time you just start to accept that, you do not have enough brains to contain the things you need to contain, and on and on. My insides were hurting when a dear friend started to ask me questions as she could see the build up inside of me. As I began to share what I was holding, the tears started to fall. I am realizing all the lies I was telling myself as I tried to explain how I was feeling to my friend. Then, as I was sharing, another dear friend walked into the room and saw my face. She walked over to me and said “so, what is with the face?”. I then told her! She grabbed my head, held it close to her and began stroking my hair and massaging my head. I just let myself lean in and let the tears flow. As I sat there breathing deeply and letting my tears go, I realized that everything that had happened today was so much more. There was so much more inside of me that needed to be Released. I was able to do that in the restful relaxing place of what felt like a mother’s embrace to me. God knew this is where I needed to be met and shown what it means for me to Release.
Release for me today was letting my tears and feelings move, act and flow freely from within me.
Sandy Jenkins lives in Portage, Michigan with her husband of 13 years and two daughters, ages 12 and 9. At the age of 33, she is allowing herself to be who she is meant to be by not letting her past life define her. She is learning to dream, hope, and experience joy and the fullness of life. She savors moments of solitude at Lake Michigan, just sitting and listening to the waves crash in. She also enjoys reading, photography, walking, and art.